Aight dawg

[fakakta-art]

More Baking Show Bruce nonsense. Part 1 and the Post I stole this from

[idonthaveabackupplan]

I love how he messes up Green Lantern but makes perfect models of all his kids

[balkanbitch]

Bruce: You seriously don't know how to use a cassette player? You young people are so clueless!

Jason: Why the fuck would I learn how to use an outdated piece of technology? You don't see Alfred getting up your ass about not knowing how to use a spinny jenny

[idonthaveabackupplan]

Bruce: I DO know how to use a Spinny Jenny.

Jason: You fuckin’ what

[idonthaveabackupplan]

I headcanon Damian Wayne as a Tulpa. Basically that Talia’s supposed miscarriage was real and because of her grief, and the league of assassins’ need for an heir to the Demon’s head, Damian was manifested into existence.

Which is why at a certain point he changes as it clicks that he is sentient enough to forge his own path as who he wants himself to be instead of existing as who the league wanted him to be.

[idonthaveabackupplan]

Dick: Well, guys, B’s dead for what must be the hundredth time. What do you propose we do with the body?

Cass: Burn the body, no return. Dibs on the cowl.

Jason: I think we should have B turned into cremation diamonds.

Tim: That’s a surprisingly nice sentiment from you, Jay.

Barbara: With B’s body mass we could make enough to have one each, so we can always carry him with us

Jason: … I was thinking more along the lines of his expensive ass finally seeing the inside of a thrift shop.

Damian: YOU CANNOT DISGRACE FATHER’S LEGACY LIKE THIS!!!

Stephanie, completely ignoring Damian: Nah, we should sell them to the highest bidder so he can stay a contributor to capitalism to the bitter end.

Duke: 😬 I am… only just now realising you guys are kind of… terrible human beings, like, you haven’t even asked B about it.

Bruce, who’s already revived and doesn’t want to know what he just walk in on: No to all of that.

[idonthaveabackupplan]

Damian: I love portrait entities 😃

Dick: ? 🤨

Damian: Oh 😞

Damian: You said ‘corporate’ entities 🙁

Dick: …

Dick: Could you elaborate on what a “Portrait entity” is??????

Damian: … No… *places phone at ear and whispers* Raven, if Grayson asks about the painting demons, play dumb.

[idonthaveabackupplan]

Bruce: The spirit level in this house is really bad

Lil Jason: *Le Gasp* We have ghosts???

Bruce: …

Bruce: <Don’t bully a child, don’t bully a child, don’t bully a child> yEs, YoU’Re aBsoLutElY rIghT

[idonthaveabackupplan]

Five: We stopped an apocalypse only to spawn another, what now? Any bright ideas?

Klaus Hargreeves: Live, laugh, love?

Literally everyone but mainly Five: In this economy?

[idonthaveabackupplan]

Jason, minding his own business: *Reading*

Tim, on his 14th coffee of the day: Social interaction feels like public humiliation

Jason: Very poetic, but you need to shut yo over caffeinated emo head ass the fuck up before you get smacked the fuck up. I’m reading ’ere

[kiki-gorse]

liking kisshu as a kid is a gateway drug that ends with you being a scaramoche simp

[idonthaveabackupplan]

dont call me out 😭😭

[imposterogers]

I love that everyone in batman is just like “our sweet prince of gotham <3” and it’s an antisocial thirty year old still stuck in his emo phase

[idonthaveabackupplan]

Putting the Goth in Gotham, Duh 🙄

[idonthaveabackupplan]

I’ve been told if I start a Redbubble I have a duty to my batfam followers but like, I don’t- I don’t have a loyal bone in my body so you’ll get bad bee memes and you’ll like it

y‘all only ever want Tim anyway so eff y’all

[idonthaveabackupplan]

Tim whenever Damian says anything: With all due respect, which is none, I think you should stop talking.

Bonus

Damian whenever Tim-:

[idonthaveabackupplan]

✨Bonus Bonus✨

Jason watching his dipstick brothers making up things to fight about because they’ve exhausted all reasonable excuses:

[idonthaveabackupplan]

———— ———————’—

B A T M A N - D Y I N G

Damian: There’s only one thing worse than Batman dying. *Reveals missing words*

D I C K - G R A Y S O N’ S

B A T M A N - D Y I N G

Jason: Plural Dick Grayson! 😠

Damian: NO! Dick Grayson’s Batman dying! Grayson needs protection and only we can offer it.

Bruce realising that Damian just admitted that Dick is more important to him: 🥲

[idonthaveabackupplan]

Bruce: Calm down, Damian.

Damian: Calm down? Don’t tell me to calm down! I think I’m being plenty calm when you’re out here stabbing me in the back!!!

Bruce: …Damian, all I did was take Titus out for his morning walk because I thought you’d be tired from last nights patrol, I think you’re overreacting.

[idonthaveabackupplan]

Tim whenever Damian says anything: With all due respect, which is none, I think you should stop talking.

Bonus

Damian whenever Tim-:

[idonthaveabackupplan]

Petition to give dog-boy (Gorou) Ms. Hina as an alternate skin

I just feel like it would be funny

[idonthaveabackupplan]

A classmate Damian has a project with: I think I just heard a scream from your basement, dude.

Damian, an intellectual (has no idea what excuse he’s meant to use in these situations): We don’t have a basement.

Classmate: Then where did that come from?

Damian: ✨💡✨Haven’t you seen any news articles about the manor? The house is haunted, it’s common knowledge. *Thinks he’s lying, but it actually is believed to be haunted*

Damian finds out later that this is a rumour that has been spread on impulse by every member of the Batfam™️ upon having to explain something weird about the manor to an outsider. This tradition was started by Bruce when he was a child and use to steal food off peoples plates at Wayne Manor hosted parties when they weren’t paying attention then playing dumb and acting like his stuff keeps disappearing and ending up in weird places that a kid shouldn’t be able to get to, as well as crying loudly when no one is looking and saying shit like, “They keep pushing me” even though there isn’t anyone anywhere near him.