believe it or not i'm a total newbie when it comes to tumblr... as a certified nerd that's really embarrassing, but we all start somewhere (O_O)
my name's celestima, and i use she/her pronouns!! i'm a minor and aspiring novelist (so says 50000 other people on the internet). i'm not gonna sit here and hype up my own work but it wouldn't be too out of the ordinary if i posted a lot of it right :')
i adore a whole lot of anime, manga, and video games!! i even love comic books and sitcoms... jack of all trades honestly. i could talk about almost anything and everything for hours when it comes to media i like!!
talk to me about anything relating to my interests because that's probably gonna be such a massive chunk of what i upload + well... whatever new yume i'm fixated on next (￣▽￣)
celestima's reaching for the stars!!! [and she's also hoping to let her writing juice drain] (〃ω〃)
Reo's sense of self essentially being a chameleon and simply copying other playstyles feels really fascinating to me.
That boy has no identity because the one the Mikages forced onto him was one he didn't want to live. When he found out about the World Cup, his identity relied on that dream and how he'd do anything to achieve it no matter who he had to defy .. After finding Nagi, his identity literally surrounded him to a point where Reo spanned so many chapters grieving the 'lost' relationship he had with Nagi when he decided to just learn on his own with Isagi for a little while
Now without Nagi around anymore (and with Reo blocking him) Reo's been put off into the sidelines, and I don't think this is something we should ignore too long. I could very well picture Reo becoming a deutagonist of his own as he learns that the missing 1% of his performance isn't anything physical, but the mental ability to claim the name "Reo Mikage" as something he could define. His identity issues are very special to me
What do you call it when you relate to a character really heavily, but you don't believe you ARE them, but you still get the slightest bit agitated/annoyed seeing people claim the same concept of relatability as you 🤔🤔🤔
I call it being possessive but there's a term for everything on the internet TBH (´∀｀*)
I keep getting bllk character x reader and omegaverse fics on my timeline and while I'm flattered by all these footballers I need to get back to my ace attorney pithole that I crawled out of when I was 0 years old
I'm not gonna outright spoil it but the new bllk lineup for their next match might genuinely be one of Ego's most horrendous choices ever since conceptualizing whatever the hell Wildcard was meant to be
Yoohooo it's 4am and I have nothing to do so I'm gonna yap about chapter 350 of BLLK and what I think "Ego" means
The chapter opens with Isagi asking everyone what they think "ego" means. Everyone has different answers, with Bachira defining it as a monster inside of you, Chigiri saying that it's your essential self (a person you need to be/the perfect version of yourself), and Reo saying that it's the selfish portion of yourself.
They all have different definitions of one thing, but I feel like they all intertwine in one way or another. For example, Reo's essential self is just the version of himself that is more selfish, or the selfish portion of Bachira could just be his monster.
In the end, the three answers given weren't incorrect, given the fact that any of the answers could be applied to one of the three if only you twist the wording a bit. The only reason they were different was because the three of them have lived different lives and see things in a different light.
Thats where Ego comes in and gives us his definition of the word. To summarise, the compass you use to navigate life and decision making is your ego. Your ego establishes your own personal philosophies—what you believe is right and wrong, what you like, what you dislike, what you hate, what you love, etc. If you apply this to football, then your ego may lead you to play a specific position, have a unique playstyle, have specific requirements in order to play to your fullest potential, etc. So, I feel like the general definition of ego is just how you navigate your life while having human desires and what you choose to do with them.
The way I think about is that a regular person navigates life with a somewhat rusty compass. The compass is still in use, but is often disregarded as people see putting yourself first before others as selfish and arrogant. But an egoist's compass looks newly bought and cared for; being unabashed about putting themselves before others—even being willing to sacrifice other people's dreams for the sake of their own.
This is just what I think in terms of what chapter 350. Ater chapter 351 I think of it more like a regular person's compass pulls them in the direction of wherever their heart pulls them to, but has the ability to be misdirected and swayed by other things and/or people, while an egoist's compass is more polished, as it is dead set on a certain goal and won't let anything lead it astray, but I digress,,
This is where Karasu points out a flaw in Ego’s philosophy. He states the fact that, although Rin and Isagi were following their egos, they still lost the match. Matter of fact—they lost the match because they were following their egos.
Ego then goes onto to say that the reason that blue lock failed was because some of the players didn't believe that they could be the world's best, which is where I immediately stop agreeing with Ego.
Because even if that were true, you have essentially groomed 23 boys into being selfish, egotistical strikers, but the moment a few of them "stops believing they're the world's best" the whole team falls apart?? I guess it was because it was Isagi specifically who supposedly stopped believing he could be the world's best which caused his plays to stagnant, which in turn caused Rin's plays to stagnant beside him due to his codependency. But I feel like if this program is built on creating the best striker you'd have players who'd be able to fill in the gaps of the main strikers if they ever fell flat considering the fact that they have also been training to be a striker.
Also this page l is genuinely just so?? Icky to me?? I understand that being the best striker means taking the opportunity to score a goal whenever the chance is given no matter what position, but when you're in a tournament as big as the U-20 World Cup, you can't always abide by that philosophy. You're going to have to play as your position and you're going to have to play in a way that benefits the team and not yourself, and this is what I personally believe makes the top egoist and the best egoist.
This is just my opinion, but I personally believe the top egoist is someone who has fully submitted to their egos without question in order to get the best results for themselves, while the best egoist is someone who has also submitted to their egos, but still has control over what to do and what not to do in order to get the best personal and overall result. Basically just knowing when and when not to listen to their egos.
Someone who always takes the opportunity to score a goal, but is willing to see when it's realistically impossible and settle for playmaking or an assist like Karasu or (NEL) Isagi, is a much better and flexible striker than someone who mindlessly obeys their ego and only plays for themselves with little to no regard for their team like Rin or pre "listen up Barou" Barou lolol. This is also why I think metavision is 100x better than predator eye, but I'm tired asf so I'm just gonna leave it here.
Again this is just what I think but please share your thoughts down below if you have any!!!
He said he’d come back. He told me he’ll be back with me safe and sound – ready to go back to HQ and try the next big recipe I had in mind that was meant to be shared after the Doll Festival. I didn’t know he’d leave me behind – no – I didn’t know they’d take him away from me. I couldn’t even tell him goodbye, or promise him that I’d try to rescue him. Useless little me couldn’t even speak, just like with Dad. Just like with everyone. Why’d I have to be so weak? So unforgivable? I can’t protect myself – I can’t protect anyone I love. It’s not fair. I want Rudo back, I want my dad back… I want to see everyone again. They’ve all been taken away, and it’s not fair. I miss them – more than anything.
I looked at myself in the mirror, appalled by what faced me. They sent me back to HQ for ‘safety reasons’, but I know all of that’s just a lie. They just know I was too irrelevant to do anything to help. My Doll Festival dress practically laughed at me, and Dahlia rested on my back as though nothing had happened. I sat down on my bed and took her off my back, gripping her tightly as I looked at the framed picture of me and Ruru that sat on my nightstand. His smile looked silly, so I made a silly face too. When we finished taking that picture, Ruru seemed keen on having me send it to him as well. It made my heart flutter.
The memories washing over me were more than I could handle. I cried into Dahlia’s artificial fur, filthying her with my stupid tears. I wailed loudly and constantly cried out for Rudo’s name, but my words were muffled thanks to Dahlia’s soft stuffing. My door was slightly open, but no one came in. There was no one to tell me that it would be okay, or that I just needed to be brave. If I heard those words, I feel like I’d just get angrier. Tears continued to spill both on Dahlia and on my lap, and I just thought about how unfair everything was. Rudo didn’t do anything wrong – Mymo had to die. He didn’t kill Enjin, he didn’t use 3R for any stupid decisions… So why did they take him away? Was it because he was a Spherite? Did they just want information out of him? Those Hell Guards – always walking around like they were the most important people in the world. It made me mad in ways I’d never felt mad before.
***
I wiped my face off and clenched my fists, rushing towards Corvus’ office uninvited. He shouldn’t have allowed Rudo to go – in fact – he shouldn’t have sent Team Akuta at all. This was his fault. My Dad dying was his fault. If he wasn’t sent on that mission, then none of this would’ve happened. Over and over again I had to bear the burden because no one was there for me – and when Rudo was – Corvus decided that wasn’t fair. I just needed to give him a piece of my mind, and maybe then he’d have the sensibility to go get Rudo back himself. If I just fought for once, it wouldn’t be too late. I could actually save someone.
I let myself in by bursting through the door, gripping on the ends of my skirt and looking at Corvus’ confused expression with contempt. He knew what he did, surely. He noticed the way I didn’t exactly seem calm and motioned for me to take a seat, offering to listen to my issues. I stayed standing, and it was at that moment I lost my temper for the first time. “How could you?! You… you just let them go without even warning them! You sent them knowing they would die – I bet you knew all about Mymo! You knew about everything! Some… some leader you are! When you told my Dad to go on that mission, he died. When you told Rudo and the others to go to the Doll Festival, everyone almost died. Rudo’s arrested, Zanka and Enjin are with the Hell Guard, and who knows what Riyo’s doing?! I haven’t even heard from Amo and Fu, and they were barely involved! I had to go back alone because it was you and everyone else who assumed – no – who knew I couldn’t do anything! You’re laughing at me… making fun of me! Now I have no one all over again because of you! It’s not fair!!! You…” I yelled, hurling insults and accusations left and right. My brows were furrowed, and my face wrinkled as I seethed. But when I stopped hollering, my face contorted into sadness all over again. I burst into tears in front of Corvus, and a part of me wondered why he was so quiet.
“...Why aren’t you fighting back? Saying that it isn’t your fault, or… or something like that? You’re not meant to… keep it all in!” I argued, my words slurring pathetically. Corvus got up from his seat and walked over to me, kneeling down to my level. He had a tender smile on his face, but I couldn’t help and notice the way it still looked so serious nonetheless. “You’re not meant to, either,” was all he said to me. I clung to his shirt and sobbed harder, weakly punching him. He stood there and took it all in, even going as far as to wrap me in a weird hug of some sort.
***
I eventually calmed down. Corvus ruffled my hair and let me go, handing me a box of tissues. I awkwardly chuckled and accepted the offer, finally sitting down as he went back to his desk. My puffy eyes looked at him, and I could tell that he had a solemn expression on his face. I never know what he’s thinking, but I’m sure it wasn’t… a twisted sense of victory because of my issues. Corvus crossed his arms and took a deep breath of his own, as if he were waiting for me to let him talk. I nodded my head with an embarrassed look on my face, but he didn’t mind. He just started to go on – hoping I could rationally listen to his words.
“I’m trying hard to make sure everyone can come back. I know it might not look like it, but I mean it. There’s a reason you haven’t seen me leave this office,” dejectedly laughed Corvus. I pouted and clicked my tongue, noting that his efforts haven’t really brought any fruition. Nonetheless – I took back my words. I couldn’t keep blaming him. “And I’m not trying to ‘laugh at you’ by making sure at least you’re here safe. This is me keeping a promise,” he explained. Confused, I tilted my head and asked what he meant. Corvus rested his elbow on the table and then put his head on his palm. “Muliphen – your dad – knew that mission could be his last. He’d rushed in here just like you did… and made me promise that I’d be the one to keep you safe when he couldn’t protect you anymore. I couldn’t live with myself if I failed to honor him,” Corvus admitted with a heavy heart. I was so shocked that I stopped crying – and instead – grief hit me even harder. “Dad… he said all that to you? He always seemed so carefree,” I muttered. My body calmed down, and there was a wave of exhaustion that started to come over me. “Oh, he was carefree. Just not when it came to you. I remember how mad he’d get if he saw any one of us getting too close to you with activated jinkis,” reminisced Corvus. I brought my knees to my chest and hugged them, putting my chin in between.
“But that promise isn’t the only reason I brought you back, Maia. I need you for something – something important,” Corvus began with a stern look on his face. “You… need me? I’ve done nothing since I became a cleaner, what could I—” was all I could say before Corvus cut me off. “You’ve done many things. This might just be the most important,” he continued. He had a glint of hope in eyes, as if he were sensing an opportunity. Reluctantly, I listened to him and what he had in mind. “A rescue mission needs a rescue team. I think it’s only natural you be a part of it,” explained Corvus, leaning in forward before he continued, “you know Rudo more than plenty of people here. We’ll need your help to get him and Zanka,” concluded Corvus. I rubbed my nose and looked in surprise. “You want me to be part of that? Seriously?” I asked, dumbfounded by the prospect. Corvus nodded and dug in his coat, pulling out a folded photograph. He slid it to me, and when I opened it, I saw it was a picture of my dad. “Muliphen believed in you. I do too,” promised Corvus. I teared up for a few moments, but I didn’t cry. This was the first time I’d seen Dad outside of our picture together in years. “...I’ll do it. I’ll get stronger… and I’ll show those Hell Guards!” I exclaimed, tucking away the picture of my dad into Dahlia. Corvus smiled and leaned back in his chair, running his hand through his hair.
Did I say Barou character study? I meant Maiarudo fic ♪( ´▽｀)
Word Count: 1638
I didn’t know what to do when he first came to me with that look in his eyes. He was worried – but not for his usual reasons. It was as if a new problem opened in his heart, and it was one that wasn’t resolving. He quietly came to the kitchen and just watched me cook Team Child their lunch of the day, and I pretended not to notice him in case he didn’t want to talk. I hummed a song that the two of us liked and turned my head ever so slightly just to give him a little wink, and he met my eyes with his anxious ones. When I realized something was wrong, I set aside what I was doing and gently approached him, and he still didn’t say a word.
We honestly just stood there for a few moments. His face was a little red – and I immediately assumed that he was feeling sick. I would’ve checked his fever, but I knew he wasn’t exactly one for any kind of physical touch. I activated Dahlia and turned her clockwise, looking for the thermometer I kept inside of her that I only unpacked for missions. I pulled it out, and Rudo looked really confused at what I was doing. He tilted his head and frowned – seemingly more anxious now because I was so concerned. “Oh, sorry! You just look a little flushed, so I thought you were getting sick… This thing checks your fever,” I explained calmly. Rudo frantically waved his hands and motioned for me to put it away, finding a little fascination in the way Dahlia worked. My eyes stopped glowing as I packed away the thermometer, but now I was even more curious as to what Rudo wanted. I always tended to be the one who approached him.
Rudo rummaged through his own bag, and he pulled out a hairpin that he looked to have mended all on his own. I could see the careful way he made sure the hot glue didn’t overflow, and I pictured him trying it on himself just to make sure that it didn’t fall apart from fighting or running… Or maybe I was going too far with my little fantasies. He held it out and shyly scratched his cheek, waiting for my answer. “Is this meant to be for someone? If you wanna give it to Guita, you could always hand it to her yourself! Be confident!” I reassured, sticking out a supportive thumbs-up. Rudo raised a brow, shaking his head in denial. He took a deep breath and explained himself with his own words. “...Found this while dumpster diving. I thought it’d look nice in your hair,” caved Rudo with pink cheeks. I could feel my own face grow warm, and instinctively, I took the hairpin and clipped it into my hair without a second thought. I twirled around and struck a little pose, much to my excitement. I didn’t know that Rudo thought of me in things he saw – let alone thought about me at all. He awkwardly put his hands to his sides, relaxing his body after seeing it in my hair. “What do you think? Does it look cute on me, Ruru?” I asked, but I was unsure how he’d reply. Rudo nodded and pointed towards Dahlia. “It matches. It’s nice,” commented Rudo. I picked Dahlia back up in my arms and held her next to my head, a cheeky smile on my face. “Most people say I got my Dad’s genes… This is the first I hear about Dahlia!” I joked, earning Rudo’s repeated blinks. I’ve started to take that as his own form of laughter.
“...So, you like it?” he beckoned, scratching the back of his neck. I eagerly nodded and girlishly played with my hair, giggling. “I love it, Ruru! I’ve never had bunny themed accessories, believe it or not. I always liked buying flowery things more!” I excitedly rambled, going on and on about the kinds of things I liked to wear. Rudo listened with a bit of a dumbfounded expression, and his cheeks went from pink to red. I laughed a little at the sight and motioned for him to come stand next to me as I cooked – I couldn’t take too long of a break from open fire!
“Flowers are nice. They suit you – even fake ones,” remarked Rudo. He keenly watched me stir the soup, taking a small sniff. Before I could thank him for the compliment, he dipped a little of his gloved index finger into the soup and licked it off. He seemed to have liked it, because his eyes lit up with that signature ‘I need more of this’ look. I chuckled and grabbed a bowl from the cupboard, before grabbing a ladle. I put two scoops of the lentil soup into the bowl and handed it to him, and he already got to slurping it down before I could give him a spoon. “Ruru! You’ll spill it all over yourself like thaattt…” I grumbled. He wiped his face off with his sleeve and handed me the bowl again, asking me for some more. “That’s good. What is it called?” he asked curiously as I poured three scoops with my ladle. This time, he waited until I gave him a spoon. Noticing this, I smiled and poured myself a portion. “It’s called lentil soup. They aren’t difficult to grow on the Ground, but it’s not like it’s easy, either. I usually save up for a month or so before buying them,” I answered logically. Rudo walked with me to one of the tables in the common area and immediately got to work on the food – not knowing whether to focus on my words or on the soup.
“So, it’s a plant? I guess that makes sense,” noted Rudo. He gnawed on the metal spoon for a few moments, and I was relieved I’d decided to save the plastic cutlery for some other meal. He ate a lot slower when he wasn’t just shoving everything down, and I don’t know if that was because he wanted to enjoy the conversation or he just wasn’t all that fond of cutlery in the first place. I took large sips of my soup and rested my head on my palm, and my elbow made a quiet clang sound on the desk. “My Dad would always teach me simple recipes like these when he said he’d be away for too long. It’s nice to know even something easy like this could make you happy,” I gently mumbled. Rudo looked up at my face for the first time since he started eating and looked somewhat surprised – his face covered in drops of soup here and there. Shaking my head, I pulled out my handkerchief and held it out to his face, making sure I wasn’t getting too close. I dabbed the liquid off and put it back in my pocket, and I felt a small sense of victory when I realized Rudo didn’t really resist.
“Food is food. If there’s effort put into it by the person, of course it’ll be good. So then I’ll eat it,” answered Rudo almost a little too coolly for my liking. I chuckled and looked right into his eyes, tilting my head just a little. “Of course you’d say something like that. You’ll love anything if no one else does,” I teased. Rudo nodded like this was an obvious fact, and my joke dejectedly fell flat. “Team Child refuses to eat anything if sweets aren’t part of the meal… I always end up sneaking veggies into the treats,” I offhandedly mentioned before going on, “but you really do like a lot of foods. It makes me excited to experiment with new recipes I’ve always wanted to have!” I happily spoke. Rudo finished the last of his soup and made sure he didn’t get any on his face this time – I liked how much of a quick learner he was. Maybe he could even learn to like me back someday! Hah…
“Your substitutes are also good. I think everything you make is good. Keep doing that,” he bluntly – but meaningfully – said. I didn’t know if my workarounds for his cravings were working, but I was just ecstatic to hear that he was liking them. Better to eat potato bits than sand, and better to have koshary than trash! The thought of someone finishing the last of every one of my meals filled me with so much excitement, and it almost made me want to fight a whole bunch of trashbeasts just to get an excuse to get more money and go shopping for ingredients. I could even make a ‘date’ out of it with Rudo – but he probably wouldn’t consider it like that. All I could do was just keep dreaming!
He noticed the way I smiled and seemed to feel a little happy for a few moments, glancing back at the hairpin he gave me. My pupils looked up in pursuit and I giggled. “You must really like it on my hair if you keep looking. Which junkyard did you find this in, anyway?” I asked, fiddling with it a little in my hair. “Near Canvas Town. Had all kinds of stuff like that,” he muttered, going on further, “but that one fit you best. I didn’t think you’d like wearing any of the other stuff,” he finished. I shook my head and hands and smiled – unwilling to let him think something so shallow of me. “If it’s from you, I’d gladly wear anything you fix for me! I love getting these kinds of gifts… It feels personal!” I reassured, flashing another smile to him. Rudo paused for a few moments, before shyly looking down at his gloves and mumbling:
