80’s mom meets 90’s toddler

I hope Jordan Peterson gets scurvy

[toastbutteregg]

[funnytwittertweets]

[petrichormeraki]

have you or a loved one been diagnosed with asshole? you may be entitled

[petrichormeraki]

i forgot what i was saying mid sentence but this may actually be the best joke ive ever made

[kaijuno]

[autisticexpression]

Tumblr culture is not knowing if this is from 2008 or earlier this week.

[normal-horoscopes]

There is a small child in this cafe writhing and screaming with such violence and rage that they keep running out of breath and coughing. The source of her rage? Her mom asked her to eat a single grape.

[normal-horoscopes]

Mom, in a completely normal voice: "Sabrina it's okay you don't need to eat the grape."

Sabrina:

"AAAAAAUGHUNUUAH"

[headspace-hotel]

[wither-rose-circus]

Say what you will, Tumblr is the only platform that could seriously release their new “Blaze” function on 4/20 with themed prices

[uchidachi]

On one hand, I am loathe to spend money on something as fleeting and useless as a tumblr post. On the other hand, I want to make everyone look at this picture of my cat:

[flanneldragon]

fucked up that theyre advertising ball shaving kits on a website where a lot of the users dont grow body hair and have purple eyes

[driftingleft]

[gamegrrl]

can’t wait until people start claiming to be shadowbanned on this site and we collectively get to inform them that there’s no algorithm and their posts just suck

[wordfather]

writing tip:

if you push buttons on a keyboard, letters will appear on the screen. and with that power you can do anything

[lychgate]

 i think it was cruel to give lightning mcqueen a foot fetish, as he lives in a world where all feet are wheels. he has nothing.

[wordfather]

sorry i wasnt talking to you i think

[charlesoberonn]

“I wish ancient people preserved their writing and artifacts better” I write in electronic signals on a piece of hardware that can’t retain its efficacy for more than a few decades.

[charlesoberonn]

Time to laser-print my entire blog on titanium plates and bury them underground.

[mrbeefgnaw]

brb etching my one-star yelp review of the sheet metal supplier that sold us shitty copper on a granite slab

[alexisthenedd]

We are never going to give this guy a fucking break are we

[lordandgodoftheobvious]

Ea-nasir knows what he did.

[whetstonefires]

yeah, he hoarded his hatemail for posterity

[itsc]

the bus should be free and airplane tickets should cost $10 max and tsa agents should apologize to everyone they talk to

[suazu]

[unstoppable-juggleknob]

ayda describing gorgug's mind as a perfectly clear pool undisturbed by ripples = esther's grandma searching for darkness in ricky's heart and coming up empty

conclusion: zac oyama just,, iS a himbo

[showzens]

gunnie “i used to have 0 phds” miggles-rashbax 🤝 ricky “i wasnt always a firefighter” matsui

[ankle-beez]

listen im seeing a lot of people being like "oh my god thor might have a crush on Peter quill because of that scene in the new love and thunder trailer!" like no. Absolutely not. It's disney and it's never gonna happen. HOWEVER disney queerbaiting people with Chris Pratt might be the funniest thing they've ever done