ahhh!!!!! fuck.

dressed like shit • high as fuck on drugs • got two fuckin boyfriends • one of em im married to • u gotta guess which one

[hungwy]

I'm a hater

[karvina]

this girl was showing all the signs of being a secret mermaid so i pushed her into the pool and she turned into a forty foot long mosasaurus which is tbh way cooler

[karvina]

not really sure how to get her out though

[karvina]

for those of you asking why i pushed her into the pool in the first place: i work for a duplicitous small town aquarium and i'm trying to kidnap mermaids to jump through hoops and shit to entertain tourists and make money. fucking obviously. now that i know she's actually a mosasaurus though i Have fallen in pure-hearted love with her

[aropride]

like does anyone else still feel the exact same age they were in march 2020 like 90% of the time

[justahumblememefarmer]

frottage cheese

[jackabbot]

HOUSE M.D. 4.12 • Don't Ever Change

[castmeinadream]

[krematoorium]

the only reason i'm on my sudoku grind at 2:20am is because i have wants and desires that are driving me insane. to be honest

[dragongirlsweetie]

pro tip you can just grab a bunch of random parts from dumpsters and hardware stores and computer stores and just attach them together haphazardly and then put it in your suitcase and take it to the airport and get arrested pretty much 100% of the time

[log6]

oh that was great. sorry I got cum all over you, here's the shittiest towel you've ever seen in your life.

[log6]

OMG we get it you guys are asexual and glad you never have to deal with sex

[miiilowo]

FTM PASSING ADVICE

- start wearing typically masculine clothing, like suits with wide shoulders

- people will tell you to not wear pinstripes because it'll make your chest and curves more obvious but think of it as a disguise to throw off their scent, like a zebra. it's urban camouflage

- start callin other men "boss" as a sign of respect

- always make sure to stay safe, keep a switchblade on you or a handgun or something

- consider your diet, work some carbs and fat in there for when T starts workin it's magic. im talkin pasta, pizza, lasagna

- tuck your hair up into a fedora if ya can't cut it

- remember to voice train, if you layer on an accent maybe it'll be less obvious, like a Brooklyn one if you're not already from there

- start snappin your rhythmically and intimidatingly when you find the poor bastard that owes the big man up top that several hundred grand who hasn't paid his dues yet. that'll show em who's the dominant man in the situation

- put a playlist of noir jazz music together and have it playing on your phone in your pocket so it follows you at all times, this is crucial to exuding masculine energy

- don't bind for more than 6-7 hours straight

[fuckyeahxfactor-blog]

New 'Bootcamp' boyband.

According to sources a new boyband has been formed at Bootcamp with 5 solo contestants thought to be more promising as a group.

The boyband made up of auditionees: Louis Tomlinson, Harry Styles, Liam Payne, Niall Horan and Zayn Malik

(Liam being one of this years re-auditonee’s) The boyband are yet unamed.

Previous groups formed at Bootcamp have usually been doomed from the start and although usually making it through to the live shows don’t go much further. Futureproof, Hope and Miss Frank to name the most well known,

[jasper-rolls]

did anything happen with this

[i-aint-even-bovvered]

i heard they got involved with human trafficking?

[thescaryjokes]

woah dude you hit your head pretty hard. 2025? president donald trump? "labubu"? haha no clue what youre talking about dude its roughly 1pm august 8th 2004 and we're about to take a chicago boat tour and i heard dave matthews band is in town and

[mynheer-deer]

100 percent of smokers quit before they find the golden cigarette of eternal youth.

[jeanritchie]

today i forgot they didnt stream the conclave live like some sort of hunger games and i was like are we going to watch the conclave

[tayloracleswift-deactivated2015]

[incurablenecromantic]

#prev I remember the context. someone was saying moriarty from the bbc show wasn’t a feminist#and then this person got mad at them#part of the conversation involved one person saying he strappped a bomb to a woman and made her call herself a dumb bitch#and another person saying he strapped bombs to men too

[rhinco]

[ID: a screenshot of part of a tumblr post reading “……. Are you fucking saying psychopath murderers can’t be feminists holy shit.” the tags underneath are half cut off, but read “fucking disgusting im so mad this has notes” end ID.]

[moondustgleam]

Enemies to lovers yaoi Prometheus x The Eagle

[c3rvida3]

Hey, no homo, but I am sitting on the broken swing set out back in the still, quiet, 2:00am blackness and picturing the softness of your voice and the darkness of your eyes with such perfect and terrible clarity that it feels like I'm choking on my own heartbeat.

[c3rvida3]

Now I'm eating croutons straight out of the bag.