Eleven Tips on Having Your Own Apartment/Living On Your Own.
This list is compiled by me and my next door neighbor Tami, who was once a man named Todd but isn’t anymore and is now living her best life like the amazing woman she is. She is 30 and has lived single in an apartment since she was 19, so she has some interesting tips. I’ve only lived on my own for a little over a year now, since I started college, but believe me. You gather quite a few little nuggets of knowledge in as short a time as 12 months. Anyway, here we go:
Don’t buy expensive furniture (like your parents), at least until you buy an actual house. It just gets dinged up and scratched and then you have to scream and there is unnecessary stress. IKEA has perfectly nice shit that doesn’t cost a fortune and is quite durable. This counts for plates and cups too.
Buy cleaning supplies/shampoo or soap of any kind regularly and especially right after you sign the lease. Keep up with when you’ll need more. A little list on the inside of the cupboard door where you keep the cleaning things is very handy.
Don’t be an obsessive little bitch about every bad thing that happens. It’s just not worth it. Okay, so, you dropped a lightbulb and there’s glass all over the floor. It’s not like anyone died. Clean it up. Act like a normal, sane adult. Fake it till you make it.
If you have a pet(s) (I have a cat, Tami has three parakeets that hate each other), keep up with their litter box/cage. It’s no good at all to just let it sit and get more and more disgusting as the days go by and you’re just sitting on the couch rewatching Stranger Things on Netflix and cookie baking videos on Instagram. You’ll thank yourself when you daily scoop the poop, and there’s no horrid cat pee stench wafting around the apartment.
Don’t pick up the phone, he’s only calling cause he’s drunk and alone — wait. Sorry. I mean, pay the bills on time. Put incessant reminders on your phone if you’re forgetful like me. Tami says have two calendars. One in your room, and one on your refrigerator, and write all the dates you owe money and such down on both. (We also have auto-pay nowadays, where the company takes the money out of your account automatically every month, and this is nice as long as you make sure you always have enough money in your account to ensure you don’t get overdrawn.
Make friends with your landlord. Bring him/her/them cookies and shit around the hollydayz. If you learned anything from the college/job application process, it’s that to know people and have good relationships is a good, nay, great thing.
Do your laundry on Friday nights. If you live in the city like Tami and I, chances are people are more busy at parties or hanging out with friends than doing their laundry and the laundromat is usually pretty empty. Also, never leave your washing machine or dryer while your clothes are in there. This is a recipe for disaster, and your clothes will either get stolen or dumped on the floor. Also, try to wash your bedsheets every two weeks or more, and have extra pillowcases, especially if you have skin prone to breakouts. Grease and dead skin cells build up super fast on your pillows. Clean pillowcase = clear skin.
Keep your food stocks up too! I know grocery shopping is annoying and how easy it is to get sidetracked by the prepackaged Little Debbie/Hostess dessert isle, but you just gotta. Buy a loaf of bread. While we’re here on the lovely subject of food:
Stick to a diet. You’ll be amazed how quickly you jump from size 6 to size 12 when you live off cheap spicy Ramen, pizza, and garlic knots. Buy lettuce. Buy tomatoes. Love yourself. Drink water.
Okay, now this one isn’t a must, but it’s nice. You really should know what foods and things you’re allergic to, if any. Go to a doctor and get allergy testing done if you can afford it. You don’t want to end up puffed up and dead from suffocation on your living room floor because oh hey, you were allergic to shellfish. Hindsight is 50/50. Tami says, “I didn’t find out I was allergic to peanuts until I was passing out in the restaurant. Don’t be like me. Get allergy testing.”
If you’re actively having sex, don’t depend on your lover to have condoms/protection. No glove, no love, y'all. Remember that, because it’s sound advice. If you’re on birth control, you need to get tested for STDs. Keep your test results organized, and go as regularly as your clinic says to. This isn’t a laughing matter, and if you can’t handle sexual responsibilities, then you shouldn’t be having sex.
All right then. That concludes this talk. Good luck adulting, everyone, and don’t forget to replace your mascara every three months.
