welcome to my tWISTED mind

Chao (they/them), 24, the autistic nick nelson fic writer i guess

[chaoortu]

aww, it sucks that you’re going through it with HS. I hope one day, writing Nick and Charlie will feel good for you again and you’ll come back to fics. You’re missed and there will always be space in the fandom for you, because you’re an incredible author that feels the characters well🫶

fingers crossed. i got like 2k into a little "what if" where tao actually checks on nick during the breakup. and ive got like a few ideas percolating. just likely never the length of my previous works i fear

[chaoortu]

hi:) you’ve been silent for quite some time now, and I know you were pretty dissatisfied with the ending of the comic, but I just wanted to check in and ask if you’re doing okay? Selfishly I’m looking forward to more of your writing but also I know that you dedicated so much of your time to HS and the ending did feel like a disappointment to some. I miss your Nick yaps so so much lmao, they were powering me through the comic sometimes. Anyways, hopefully you’re alright, and also feel free to ignore this if you don’t want to answer🫶

p.s. have you seen the movie??? thoughts???

yeah! ngl as a fic writer the comic just didn't leave me with much inspiration to work with at all anymore and i'm not afraid to say i was dissapointed quite literally to the point of tears. which is mildly embarrasing but hey it happened. i've been trying to work on a couple of one-shots based off the movie, but writing in nick and charlie's voices again is like pulling teeth and i have no idea if i'll even finish them, nevertheless get around to posting them. i reread goodbye tomorrow to see if the juice would come back but it kind of just made me sad because i was so hopeful about where the webcomic was going at that point. i mean. i wrote 19 fics for heartstopper and some of them are novel length works, i obviously loved the serious but i dunno. alice oseman kind of played in my face. i am doing alright though! i finished writing my horror novel which has been so rewarding, i've got a second job (which is also why i haven't written much of anything at all tbh!), and am generally doing pretty okay for myself at the moment.

i did see the movie! my first watch was... also disappointing but i'm halfway through my second watch and i'm enjoying it a lot more. which just goes to show maybe i ought to reread the comic to see if i feel differently now that ive had time to stew in my misery. im still planning on getting a box set of all the comics at some point as they did mean a lot to me and still do tbh! genuienly i think part of it is just that i'm. well. i'm 25 now and heartstopper isn't really for Me anymore? like hell, i was reading volume one as it was being posted back in 2016. that's nearly a decade of at least being aware of heartstopper, you know? i will say i enjoyed the tone of the film a lot more than i liked the ending of volume 6 as it felt more grounded to me but i know a lot of people do not agree. (and i'm a debbie downer to begin with, lol!) immediate movie thoughts: way too rushed but i suspect this had to due with the actors' schedule over a art choice, the breakup arc was absolutely legendary. no notes. when kit joked about narlie cheating on each other, i immediately saw what he meant with that comments in context with the film and dare i say-- he was kind of right. that arc needed some other conflict beyond the boys being said and alone. the paris squad continues to disappoint me in the way they treat nick. and i was scared for a second that nick might actually try and kill himself, which was awesome. kit connor's eye acting goes so fucking hard.

[chaoortu]

shakes my half empty cup of coffee. i kind of want to write ANOTHER Nick ED fic.

[lesbiansforluigi]

[chaoortu]

years of fic writing for the source material to end like that. a year of analyzing the source material and stopping bc i can't analyze cheap montages. i should've stayed writing for dc and marvel at this point, oh my god. 719,148 words and it ended like that.

[chaoortu]

wow. a nothingburger.

[prickly-porcupine-memes]

Chag Pesach Sameach!

[themodernmaccabee]

Chag Pesach Sameach!

[chaoortu]

Whoopsie baby will be late on updating as I’m traveling !!!

[tlirsgender]

Being critical of your interests is sooooo fun when you have the critic gene & then you sound kind of insane to the average tv watcher when you're like "this is my favorite show, It's Racist" & then you try to clarify what you mean & get that [Speech (legendary) - FAILURE] "the racism is really interesting though"

[tlirsgender]

[Speech (legendary) - SUCCESS] I find the sociopolitical context of pulpy old sci-fi born circa the civil rights movement really fascinating to analyze especially when it was progressive for its time but still reveals the writers' unexamined biases in the subtext

[chaoortu]

hey chao, I noticed that you haven’t really posted anything here for a while (in a non creepy way) and you mentioned a few posts back that you’re having a rough month, so I just wanted to pop in here and ask if you’re okay? You totally don’t have to respond🫶we all miss you and hope that you’re doing okay

hey!! thank you v mucyh for the kind message i really appreciate it. yeah! i'm okay for the most part. work has just been insane at the moment (I have two jobs and am going through a pretty big work transition at my like 9-5 that's been a lot to deal with). and idk, i have always had for the most part, very nice people in my inbox, but ever since i posted my current disappointment abt the state of HS ending, i've gotten a couple of suicide baity or just generally mean anons. probably bots, i'm sure, but they still suck and make me paranoid. i'm trying to work on it bc i do miss this space and talking about hs and interacting with people. i also just feel like i don't have anything to contribute at the moment so i'm ;; idk! it's just a weird spot mentally for me, but i am okay!

[chaoortu]

ngl having an anti-suicide dog is the best. can't take my ass out bc no one else in the world is as tolerant with this animal as i am. nobody knows her isms like i do. i owe it to her to be in this world for the rest of her life

[cheaphalloweencostume]

“everyone is mad at me and they just won’t tell me” —> “no one has said anything about being mad at me and i haven’t done anything to warrant being mad at so if someone is silently fuming about me and not saying anything that’s their problem and actually quite weird of them and i can effortlessly move on with my life”

[enchantedbook]

"Under Milk Wood" by Emily Wood

[sobcat]

[bgm05]

new dom/sub dynamic has emerged: ragebaiter and fat dog

[ace-disgrace-on-the-case]

Isn’t it kind of fun how when your life sucks you just can’t talk about it with anyone

[ace-disgrace-on-the-case]

I’m serious though. When your life reaches a degree of suckage, you find yourself having to look elsewhere for anything at all to talk about. The things going on in your life are trauma dumping. Your past is probably also trauma dumping. So you have to get really weird about specific things or hope that others want to talk to you, because very quickly people are going to develop an aversion to you and the way your life sucks. Unless you just don’t talk about it

[ace-disgrace-on-the-case]

It’s socially isolating, which is dangerous—when you’re in this sort of situation, community is the difference between life and death, housing and homelessness.

I think the collective prioritization of comfort first is hurting people in a real and material sense

[kosmogrl]