Soon after I arrive, I find a restroom to verify through mirrored image that I am, in fact, real and there. I never feel real these days and Iâm told depersonalization is an after effect to the assaults Iâve had from him and the men before. Itâs a practice to remember I do, in fact, exist and no one Iâve met has quite understood, or perhaps think Iâm trying to sound strange. But Iâm losing hope in whatâs real. I canât escape a fear Iâve arrived in a grotesque shape - that the image of myself has manifested in the train over, and not that those around me will be in disgust, but rather embarrassment, that I havenât recognized my own shadowed self on display.
i think the party will get better once i leave



















