One of the big things I struggle with functions-wise is getting stuck in what I call optimization loops. Where there's several tasks that need doing, and some would be optimized by having another task done first, but it can't be shaken out into a clear executable task list.
Simple example: I need to shower, eat food, and go to grocery store. I'm hungry and don't have energy to cook, so the easiest food option would be to get a deli item at the grocery store. But I want to shower before leaving the house. But I don't have energy to shower without eating first.
It feels very silly to get stuck on such a minor dilemma for as long as I have! But there are times I've spent hours looping through this list, trying and failing to start it anywhere. And the only way out, I find, is to manually override it: to catch it happening and say, fuck it! I can go to the grocery store stinky! It's fine!!
It could be considered a subset of perfectionism, because the override very much involves hitting yourself with the idea that it's ok to do things suboptimally. But it feels like it comes from a slightly different place. As someone who struggles with executive function, I get myself through a lot of tasks by trying to optimize to the smoothest, lowest-friction way through. The task order that minimizes having to do any step more than once, or having to remember too many things at a time. If I can arrange my tasks just right, sometimes I can get one task to cover part of the work of doing another! And if I can put my tasks in an order that feels natural and ideal, I can lower the energy of activation it takes to get moving. And, sometimes, avoid the choice paralysis of not being able to pick a task out of a list of equal priority.
Except that, obviously, sometimes the optimization process throws up glitches of its own. There's the closed loop I described, and there's also another catching point where a task I have the mental energy and wherewithal to do gets stuck behind a task that's too big/intimidating/difficult to tackle. For example: I just sent some emails I've been procrastinating on for over a month, because I need to set up a new email address, and I was telling myself it'd be better to get that set up before I contacted people, because it would save me the hassle of dragging a bunch of conversations over to a new account when I did get it set up. I still haven't made the other email! But I realized that hypothetical future hassle was not worth the delay of not sending those emails for as long as it's going to take to actually get my brain together to figure out a new email service.
Surprisingly, doing something like this often actually makes the difficult task I was stuck on easier! Another thing I struggle with is a flinch reaction from tasks that are both pressingly important, and unapproachable to do. The more I need to do a task immediately, the more stressed and overwhelmed and self-recriminating I get about the fact that I don't know how to even start doing it. It gets so bad I can't even think about it directly - I think about the general shape of it, flinch, and divert my attention so I don't panic.
And when I've got a minor, pressing task stuck behind a big nebulous scary task, it presses the unapproachable task forward, makes it urgent, and that makes it harder to figure out how to do. If I can get around it, and do the actually pressing task in some contrived way that pushes some miscellaneous messy consequences forward, it takes pressure off the big task. And then I can actually think about it, without panicking, which makes it possible to actually work on doing it.
That last point also often applies to asking for help. I have a weird hangup here: I find it excruciatingly difficult to ask for help if I haven't at least *started* the thing I need help with. Which gets into the same dynamic: I have a big unsorted task I can't think about directly without panicking, or the path of steps to doing it that I've managed to figure out starts with one I can't make myself tackle, so I'm stuck doing nothing with no way in. Asking for help means admitting to someone that there is going to be mess, that I can't tackle the problem in the optimal front-to-back way so there's going to be inconvenient problems generated in some of the steps that will have to be dealt with at other steps, and some of that inconvenience might be to people other than me!! But just managing to say this, to admit this upfront, is sometimes enough to cut the gordion knot of not being able to start anywhere.
So, ok, it is a little bit about perfectionism. But perfectionism that comes from a slightly sideways place: the desperation to avoid creating problems in the future, to the point where instead you create problems now.
hope this is okay to reblog - those optimization loops are absolutely my most disabling exec dysfn issue, too, and i often have to remind myself of this comic--ESPECIALLY "get rid of secret rules." that's been the most helpful piece of advice for me, personally, largely because it puts into words even the idea that there might be secret rules i don't even notice i'm following. now that it's something i even think to check with myself, it has become so so so much easier to realize that i can just Stop Doing That.
I've liked HabitNow as a todo app! You can create recurring tasks (my meds reminder, for example) at the day/time cadence of your choosing, or one-off tasks. You can also reschedule tasks as needed which is really nice. I make some of the mundane life shit recurring, like my once-a-week laundry task, but if I run out of gas before I get to the laundry on its scheduled day, I just move it. You can add reminders for your tasks, or you can not. Whatever you want. There's even a nice home screen widget for checking stuff off.
It does have the option to track habit-building if that's something you're after, but it's entirely optional. I can't speak to how well that part works because anything with habits/streaks becomes A Problem for me.
I forgot the most important part: I'm pretty sure it's free! (I got it a couple years ago so I don't recall if I paid, but I don't think I did?)
Saying this as gently as possible because it's not always easy to tell but...this is AI. The image doesn't have natural movement, and I'm pretty sure there's a detached bird foot on the flower. The biggest tell, however, is that the credit is to uniqueworldai. Let's not support these "artists" if we can help it.
Do people actually like quote books, movies, and TV shows in casual conversation because I refuse to believe that that's true. I legit cannot remember a single quote from anything that I have ever watched or read and you're telling me that people can quote full on paragraphs from their favourite book and it's not just a movie trope to show that they're a nerd.
In ninth grade I memorized a quote by Atticus Finch in To Kill a Mockingbird as the most misguided "pick me" move to seem ✨intellectual✨ to the boys I spent most English classes arguing about syntax and shit with who did not, in fact, Pick Me.
Not because of a last-minute event throwing my day into chaos. Not because I was missing the proper tools. Not even because my time management skills are mediocre at best (which, they are).
I shortened it because…I was cooked.
Most of the time, my ambition’s eyes are larger than my endurance’s stomach, and I have a nasty habit of forcing more tasks down its proverbial gullet than I should, making me feel unwell afterwards. I realized I had an odd, unspoken rule for myself: once The List was made, it could not be altered. The List ruled my day, physical or mental exhaustion be damned. The List was not to be questioned.
But…why not?
After years of wielding my willpower as both a weapon and a virtue, I finally questioned this self-imposed system nearing the end of one of the most taxing and dirty items The List could ever have: cleaning the birds’ room. I realized that I was swearing at a number of inanimate objects. The vacuum cord, a rug, and the doorway I smacked my shoulder on had all personally offended me and earned profane insults in kind. I guess I always swear at things when I’m at the end of my productive rope, don’t I? I thought. If I were a homemade cake, my toothpick would come out with cuss words on it right now, because I’m feeling done.
And from there, a little rebellion blossomed.
I started contemplating the lessons I could learn from baked goods, intimately familiar as I was as the oft-appointed dessert maker of get-togethers. When you put a toothpick in a cake, you’re trying to see if its ready to exit the active stage of its creation and move into cooling, resting. Leaving it in the oven would result in burning rather quickly. And yet, I had a tendency to overcook myself all the time. How could I expect myself to show up presentable and tasteful for others if I always kept the heat on myself too long?
Different baked goods have different levels of baking and cooling times. Long baking desserts, like cheesecake, requires at least twice as long of a chilling phase. The custard filling of a banana cream pie doesn’t take too long to create, but in that time, it’s under intense heat and stirring, therefore needing an even longer refrigeration period before it’s ready for guests. Cookies, on the other hand, are often still good warm, but they also have much shorter bake times, making it more feasible that they’d be ready for public consumption before a full cooldown. And thus, the rating system of tasks on The List was born.
Cookie activities are bite-sized bursts of work, needing little to no downtime before moving on to the next activity. Cake activities are in the middle, meaning longer work periods and a longer break after, but with other things still possible later in the day. Pies are the heaviest lift, requiring much “oven time” and also much cooling time. Do not attempt further activity after a to-do list pie. Cool off until the following day.
Throughout an activity, consulting the toothpick is important (okay okay, not all baked goods can be tested with this method, but I’m sticking with the baking metaphors here). Do I still have some time left to cook, or am I seeing some fluffy little curse words stuck to the wood? Is this requiring more heat than originally expected?
And so, despite having other cleaning tasks on my list, it was determined that cleaning the bird room was quite the pie, and after completing it, I needed a long period of cooling. The other items could wait until after, because I didn’t want to end up overcooked for the millionth time. Cooling down is productive; it allows us to be at our best. Someday perhaps, I’ll be known for the following misquote: let us be cake.
There are few things worse than feeling as though you’re bearing the world’s weight across your shoulders while others watch you struggle to heave the burden over the finish line of your day, project, or hurdle. But one that comes to mind is when those bystanders critique you, telling you you’re not carrying it right and that if you can’t handle it, it’s your job to ask for help. Another is being scolded when you do ask for help. Why can’t you handle this?
And then, inevitably, you fall, crushed under the load no one else wanted but had lots of opinions about anyway. They might even kick at you, adding insult to this unavoidable injury.
When the dust settles and you’re lying in the rubble of what feels like a million mistakes, you might turn inward. What happened? Why couldn’t I do this alone? It seems like other people can. What’s wrong with me?
Nothing is wrong with you, you beautiful, bruised creature.
You see, when you’re buried under everyone else’s problems, you disappear a little. All that’s left is what everyone else wants, expects, NEEDS. No one sees the lovely colors and patterns of your own personality. You might even start to think they don’t matter, so long as you’re allowed to keep slogging along.
For the second time in my adult life, I’m here again. Staring at the ceiling of my own potential, wondering how things went so wrong when I swear they actually felt right this time. Today I finally quit burning a teary-eyed hole in that ceiling and looked down at myself instead. And wouldn’t you know it? I am covered in the dust of a mold I’d just burst out of after years of being jammed in, complete with the cobwebs of rejection.
And man, that dust is MESSY. It’s worked its way into every crevice of my brain, like infinite reminders that I Do Not Fit Here. No matter how much I try to scrub it away to remind myself what my colors actually look like, I find more trying to obscure them from acknowledgement.
So, when we bust out of the box we never actually fit in, how do we clean ourselves up?
I would love to say I have a simple answer. In truth, I think it’s going to take a while, maybe forever. But I’m tired of feeling inadequate regardless of how hard I try or what moves I make. So I think I’m going to Trust the Process, as they say. When the dust of impostor syndrome reappears, I’ll brush it away with a reminder of the things I know I am good at. Maybe I’ll make a list, tuck it into a quiet pocket of my mind to pull out when I need it. I probably won’t believe it, not at first. But repetition might be the polish I need to protect my authenticity, layer upon layer of which makes the dust easier and easier to wipe away.
Our world isn’t suited to people who don’t want to become what it needs. The funny thing is that it needs people who don’t conform. So just once today, try dusting off your abilities a little, the ones you’ve allowed to stay coated in it to hide the brilliance beneath. I promise I’ll try too.
Mornings have never been my favorite. They cause an internal war within me between “PRODUCTIVITY!” and “Do not talk to me.” Add in the fact that until a certain point in the morning, I am unmedicated, and you have, well, not a recipe for chaos exactly, because that implies precision, order, sequence. We’ll go with a hastily scribbled brain note. The Hastily Scribbled Brain Note for my morning routine looks something like this:
Go into kitchen and open freezer. What do I want for breakfast? Maybe just cereal today. Close freezer. Ignore cereal.
Open fridge and take out cold brew and oat milk. Place on counter in the Coffee Making Spot and turn on the under cabinet light.
Oh yes, cereal! Walk away from coffee and grab a bowl. Set on table. Continue to ignore the actual cereal.
*phone buzz* Abandon bowl in favor of checking phone. Ah, my meds reminder. Toss back anxiety and ADHD meds, plus medically-necessary vitamin D all at once with a swig of water like a shot called “Brain Function.”
Water cup…oh! Can’t forget to swap the straw in my water cup for a clean one! Pull old straw out and set in Coffee Making Spot for use in my coffee. Grab a fresh straw and actually manage to complete the task of putting it into my water cup.
Turn away from my water cup and stand frozen for 15 seconds while trying to remember what I was doing. Right, coffee!
Return to Coffee Making Spot. Pour out precisely 8 oz of cold brew and add 2 oz of oat milk. Return both cold brew and oat milk to the fridge.
Add sweetener to coffee and pour into glass. Retrieve exactly three ice cubes from the ice maker. No more, or the cold foam won’t fit. No less, because what would be the point? Put into glass. Stare blankly at coffee for a moment.
Ah, cold foam! Get the oat milk I wasn’t actually done with back out of the fridge. Rinse measuring cup used for coffee, then catch myself nearly putting the oat milk back in the fridge AGAIN without using it. Make a caveman noise in frustration, then laugh at my weird brain.
Manage to put three tablespoons of oat milk plus a tablespoon of sweetener into measuring cup, froth, and pour over cold brew. Add straw and return the oat milk to the fridge. Morning coffee success!
Put coffee-making implements in the dishwasher, and remember at that precise moment that I still need to pour out the cereal. Finally acknowledge the cereal’s existence, and pour some into the abandoned bowl on the table.
THE OAT MILK. Retrieve the oat milk from the fridge for the third time, and add some to the cereal bowl. Put it back, where it will stay until tomorrow’s morning routine. It probably sighs in relief.
Have another blank stare moment. What’s next again?
Oh, SPOON! Open the drawer to grab a spoon, then reach to turn off the undercabinet light above that drawer that…isn’t on. Ah, brain remembered that an undercabinet light is on, but not which one. Go turn off the light by the Coffee Making Spot after closing the dishwasher door I forgot about in my cereal haste, and return to the spoon drawer.
Search for an acceptable spoon. Larger spoons bad. Smaller spoons good. As always, avoid the spoon that’s accidentally been garbage disposal’ed in a previous morning chaos incident, because it has a sharp spot. Leave the Garbage Spoon amongst all others to be avoided in the exact same way next time I need a spoon.
Turn back to the table. Oh, I should probably top off my water cup before setting up in my office for the day. Fill water cup at the fridge dispenser, spoon still in hand.
Okay, I think we’re finally ready to begin the workday. Tuck the water cup under my arm, grab the cup of coffee still sitting in the Coffee Making Spot, and as I turn towards my cereal bowl, IMPULSE BANANA! Struggle to figure out how to carry the bowl of cereal, two beverage cups, a banana, and a napkin into my office all at once because two trips is Not An Option. Tiptoe with this precarious breakfast load to my office, and somehow manage not to dump anything. Not this morning, anyway.
So, the journey isn’t exactly linear, and it looks a little different every morning. But chaos is the routine for me, and I still end up fed, at work on time, and enjoying a tasty homemade iced latte. Trying to do things the same way as someone with a more sequentially-oriented mind would make the morning war even tougher for me, because that would add a potent biological weapon into the mix: self-disgust. And if I ultimately still make it to the end safely, does it really matter what the journey looks like?
The real thing with ADHD is not "I forgot", but that forgetting is this ongoing process. I remembered! And then I forgot.
At ten this (hypothetical) morning I remembered that I have a meeting at six. And then from 11 through 3 I worked on other stuff and had zero thoughts about that meeting. Maybe even thought about what I was gonna do with my evening at home. Got attached to the idea of taking the time to make a good dinner, maybe play some video games.
And then at three I said, "Oh! Fuck!" and remembered again, hopefully long enough to set an alarm. And then I went to the bathroom and remembered that I need to clean the counter and spent twenty minutes cleaning the bathroom and went to get a snack and then at five I said, "OH! FUCK!" and had to scramble to dress like a real adult and get out the door.
It isn't one clean forgetting. It's a constant process of forgetting and then, with an exhausting adrenaline spike, remembering. And then forgetting. Baby, I can forget the same thing more times in a day than you ever forgot your parents' anniversary.
(This one's from right after the 2024 election. Not terribly in-depth, but be warned if that's not a time you want to think about)
My birds still sang today, which, given the state of things, felt rude.
Now, I’m not ACTUALLY mad at them. It’s probably something closer to jealousy — blissful unawareness of manmade disasters is a truly enviable state right now. But nonetheless, for a split second, I felt a little resentful of that very obvious, very inescapable expression of joy (or the bird equivalent).
And then I remembered the day that one of my birds did not sing.
Normally, as soon as I remove the sheet from their cages in the morning to fetch their breakfast, they’re peeping, chirping, sometimes screaming at me. That’s a good thing; we all know birds greet the day with song (sometimes to our dismay). Being met with silence in that moment? Absolutely jarring.
I called the vet as soon as they were open, sure that something was wrong, and my instincts hadn’t misled me. My abnormally quiet cockatiel was diagnosed with a viral illness that we will have to manage for the rest of his life. While he was being treated at the vet over the next few days, my house was even quieter. Empty-caged, bereft of bird. Unnatural feeling.
After bringing him back home, I watched him like a protective parent. I made sure he was getting enough food and water, brought him out of his cage for some enrichment, and disallowed him from energy-sapping flight. And over the next couple of weeks, he improved. He ate a little more every day, showed more and more interest in toys and general cockatiel mischief. The first notes he sang after his ordeal, a mere few days after returning home, were the sweetest I’d ever heard, despite the muted hoarseness of them. In time, he returned to form, songs and sass fully recovered.
The thing is, if a bird can sing, they will. It’s in their nature, even if they aren’t feeling their best.
I think many of us are feeling a little too sick to “sing” right now. Joy feels frivolous, beauty impossible to see. This is our uncomfortably quiet moment, where we fortify ourselves a bit against a seemingly chronic political plague. In this time, I plan to practice Bird Healing —ensuring I’m fueling my body adequately, resting more, finding stillness of mind (even if for fleeting moments). Could I manage this alone? Yes. All of us would eventually find our way back to normalcy on our own. But if nursing a sick parrot has taught me anything, it’s that recovery is a flock activity. Participating in our own healing behaviors while encouraging others to do so themselves, keeping a loving eye on those we hold dear. In this practice, the sick grip around our throats will slowly, steadily loosen to our collective resilience. It may not be fully gone, but someday, it won’t be enough to silence us. We will find our voices once again, as is our nature.
And when we do, I hope they are deeply, beautifully thunderous.
Robins are always a blast to watch, rhythmically marching through the grass like miniature soldiers, singing my favorite spring birdsong, or fighting for control over a berry tree (like this one). Apt that a robin is the subject of my favorite photo of the year so far.
We have tile in our kitchen. Dark, fairly neutral. It’s not my favorite, but it’s in good shape, and 99% of the time, it’s a perfectly acceptable floor covering. Except when it’s wet.
We also have an older fridge, circa 1999. The white behemoth that was a fixture of suburban kitchens in that era. She’s a tank and still chugging along, so we will let her do her thing until her chilly life ends. One of the quirks she’s developed at her age is spitting ice cubes onto the floor from the door dispenser. It’s usually just one at a time, but there appears to be no other method to her madness, keeping us quite literally on our toes sometimes. Since I work entirely from home, I always hear when it happens, but unless I’m actually in the kitchen at that exact moment, I immediately forget about it because for someone with ADHD like myself, object permanence is hard.
In this particular instance, she decided to spit her cube onto the tile floor about an hour before I typically begin my morning ritual of breakfast and coffee. And as always, I heard it happen. But other morning tasks quickly reclaimed that brain space and thus, the cube remained on the floor to become a small puddle.
***
I often joke that my assigned cosmic role in this life is comic relief by way of personal chaos. At one time, it was a role I resented with fiery anger. “Why can’t things ever be easy for me?!” I would lament, fisted hands shaking toward the sky. But in time, and with a few years of therapy under my belt, I’ve accepted this role. Laughing at my own calamity is certainly more fun anyway.
***
On a trip to the trash can that lives right next to the fridge during my breakfast prep, my right foot located the landing place of the no-longer-an-ice-cube with uncanny accuracy, and the tile floor’s frictionless surface failed me. My right leg slid out in front of me, threatening to put me into a split that my 30-something legs are not actually capable of. In a panic, I windmilled my arms wildly to stay balanced while the highlight reel of my life flashed through my mind. By some miracle, I manage to stay upright and un-split, which was good, because my husband had already left for work, and tearing a ligament or cracking your head open on tile are activities best performed in company.
The rest of the house didn’t fare quite as well.
While my flailing arms somehow managed to save me from bodily harm, the trash can became collateral damage, as did the recycling bin next to it. Like dirty dominoes, the trash can flew into the recycling bin, which proceeded to purge its sticky aluminum contents all over the floor. Our cockatiels, who have the misfortune of living across the hall from the recycling bin, took frenzied flight over the can cacophony. A distant thump from our grumpy pet rabbit sounded disapprovingly from two rooms away.
With a sigh and a few chuckles at my misfortune, I began the cleanup effort. This, I think, is the most mundane form of chaos.
Great get online and go to a job board. Indeed, Linkedin whatever. Now you're gonna search for a role that's in your city, fits your qualifications, and doesn't seem like a bad time.
See that easy apply button? Don't hit it they just throw those in the trash. Now you're gonna want to go to the company's website and check their careers page.
Oh? That job doesn't exist anymore. Cool go back to the job board and find another one.
Great you found another job, you're on the company's career page and the job exists!! So you're going to need to make an account on the career page website. They're using Workday, the same site as the last job you applied for? Who cares? You need to make another account for THIS job's workday page.
Now you're going to upload your resume. That'll autopopulate about 15 boxes with everything on your resume, except formatted wrong and with tons of errors. So just go through and painstakingly check the dates on all of that and rewrite everything you already laid out in an aesthetically pleasing format on your resume.
Ok time for the cover letter, explain why this specific job and company are deeply important to you. You love their mission statement and wouldn't even laugh if their ceo was gunned down in the street. You'll really want to reiterate the things you just spent the last 20 minutes filling out on the resume section
(Remember to include language from the job description, people who work in HR are lower than dogs and they need patterns or they get confused.) Write about a page, but hey don't sound too desperate or robotic this is where they judge your character!
Maybe add your portfolio site at the end here, who knows if that helps no one has ever clicked mine haha.
Anywayyy time to hit apply! Congrats! You'll see that confirmation email come in and you should be getting the rejection letter in about 2 weeks. Unfortunately your resume didn't have the right buzzwords and the AI auto rejected you :(
The above is exactly why half of my friends come to me, and cry they're suffering, and I get to bestow my job hunting knowledge on them. I love this shit, it's a game.
For credentials my fastest job hunting time has been 1 week. I searched for 1 week, got an interview, and was hired within a week. My slowest was 1 month, while out of work, while telling ALL my interviewers that I quit my work without notice (I was testing my interviewers to see how shocked they'd get when I'd tell them why, anyone who wasn't shocked I would tell them at the end that I will keep them in mind (not)). My entire average is 2-3 weeks.
Firstly, what you're gunna do is pick a job sector. You're gunna pick a few of these by the end, but for now pick one. Maybe you wanna do bookkeeping, maybe you wanna do something in doggy daycare. Maybe you're a sous chef. Idk! Figure out what abouts you want first. Do not apply to anything yet. You're gunna look at the job description, I've picked out a few for bookkeepers below.
Now what you're gunna do is you're gunna look for "buzz words", or rather words that are gunna appear commonly and indicate the tone for that job. I've highlighted some, but not all in my examples below
Just look at that snout at how similar those descriptions are!
Now that you've got your buzzwords, you're gunna slap those babies into your resume! You see, since your resume is usually read by a computer first, you're gunna trick the computer into giving it to a person. Really what the computer is scanning for is how similar your resume is to the job description. Remember your bullet points, and to keep it short, try to only have 3 to 5 bullet points per job:
- Processed over 500 invoices a day in an efficient and accurate manner
- Curated reports for management review by utilizing available data
- Monitored and recorded over 100 submissions each day increasing accuracy by 50%
These are some great, made up examples I pulled from those buzz words. You might notice I added some numbers into there. That's something you'll wanna try and note for yourself, how much of something you can do, how accurate, how much efficiency you increased, these look GREAT when your resume gets past the computer and is moved in front of a real person.
Now you have your sector-based resume with lots of buzzwords. This is great! Now for the easy part. You're gunna channel your inner "IDGAF" And you're gunna send that to every listing you like on indeed. Filter for "Apply on Indeed" and spam that shit. Sometimes you gotta answer a few extra questions, but if they give me more than 5 quick questions I trash the submission and move on.
Don't waste your time jumping through hoops, streamline it for yourself and use the same methods companies are using. Push MASSIVE amounts of average quality resumes out. The more opportunities taken = the greater the chance of success. For every opportunity taken you've now pitched a chance of success, for every resume you cannot submit because you're piddling around on their stupid website or answering 50 interview questions online, you send out a 0% chance of success.
So go, try this, and see how it works for you.
Some additional things to consider:
- Add random shit in your resume, I added my "Board Game Club" (BDSM group) into my resume for hobbies and discussed how I got my start using sparklines there
- Never underestimate the flair of a little Clipart fleur-de-lis or something on your resume. Never put colored Clipart, but a little floral or swirl design located somewhere nice makes it stand out
- if you don't have a degree that doesn't mean they won't pick you, twice now I've come to a job without a bachelors and being honest that I was only getting an associates before I think of my next steps
- Embellish, do not lie. Jargoning your job description to make it sound cool and professional is GREAT. Do not give me a resume saying you can use CNC machinery when you've only used a 3D printer. Just tell me you know how to program and manage a 3d printer and want to learn CNC machinery.
- Keep. Your. Resume. To. Two. Or. Less. Pages. You don't need EVERY job, only the relevant ones, if your interviewer asks about the gap, tell them what job you had during that time (or if you wanna lie say you were taking college courses and were on a break, you dont need a degree to say you took courses) and that you only wanted to showcase the most relevant ones
- I'm serious on that last one I'll eat your fucking resume
HERE'S HOW TO WRITE A COVER LETTER FROM SOMEONE WHO HAS DONE IT PROFESSIONALY:
Look at the job description.
Identify what they want examples of like "ability to multitask" or "can work across teams to achieve success" or "can work on a budget".
Pick three.
Write this:
IF YOU CAN FIND THE NAME OF A HIRING PERSON: Dear [Name]
IF YOU CAN'T FIND THE NAME OF A HIRING PERSON: Fuck the usual salutation and just roll directly into "I was very excited when I saw this job application. I feel I am a great fit for this role."
Now, look at the three things you chose from their list of what they want. Write a paragraph like this.
I am an adept multitakser who routinely handles several projects/deadlines/needs (whatever). In my current position I [multitask example]. In my previous work, I [second example].
SECOND PARAGRAPH SAME AS THE FIRST DIFFERENT THING THEY WANT BUT NOT ANY WORSE:
In my current position, I work with multiple teams daily, including [name any team you have waved hello to in the hall] and through my work we have [list an accomplishment that required multiple teams].
THIRD PARAGRAPH HERE WE GO AGAIN:
Staying in budget is something I am very familiar with. When I worked on [team], my contributions [list] not only brought the project in on time but under budget by [number]. I have also brought in other projects under budget [examples].
AND NOW THE FINALE:
Thank you for your time in reviewing my cover letter and resume. I look forward to discussing my qualifications and interest in the role with you at length. I can reached at [phone number] and [email].
Sincerely,
[NAME]
And remember, any question that is looking for a negative story ("Tell me about a time you had a conflict with a co-worker") should ALWAYS be presented by you as "I do have a story for that, and I'm pleased with how I handled it." and then you focus on the all the positives in that situation. So, state what the problem was, and then how you fixed it, and then how fixing it improved your working experience. For example:
"Well, I worked with a man named Bob, and he never answered any emails he got after 3:00 PM, so if I had a question after 3, I'd start a draft email and just add to it if i had further questions. And then I'd schedule it to send at the top of his workday. He started earlier than me, and I'd usually come in to a reply from him with the answers I needed when I first sat down for the day. I actually had another co-worker who was having trouble getting Bob to answer questions, and I said, "Oh, are you sending them after 3?" and when she said yes, I shared my own process so it was easier for her to get information, too."
You see how you acknowledge there was an issue but put most of the focus in your answer on the fix? That's the sort of answer they're looking for. The "tell us about something bad at work" questions are about weeding out people who will take any moment to go into a full-on complaint about anything. Any questions that SOUND negative are about wanting to hear your POSTIVIE ability to manage conflict and difficulties.
Alright folks, my take on this is almost entirely different. I'm lucky to have a job while hunting for a new one this time around, so I've had a little more time to be observational about it. If you're like me and job hunting while you currently have a job, my number one tip is...
Networking. I'm sorry, but of all the conversations I've had, this has been the one consistent piece of advice I've gotten. Every single person has said that for corporate-type roles, the best way to get a job is through a connection. Yep, good old white collar nepotism, baybeeee.
You might be thinking, ugh, networking SUCKS. And I agree. It's usually not fun. But right now, job boards lead to employment such a minuscule percentage of the time that putting all your eggs in that basket might not prove fruitful, even with the previous advice (though I still recommend applying on job boards too - diversify your efforts!) So how do you make networking less painful?
If you're not a people person, be a person...person. Skip the networking event in favor of a one on one conversation. First, come up with a handful of companies you might have interest in working for. Now, log into LinkedIn (I know, I know) and look at those companies' profiles. Follow them if you aren't already. Like some of their posts. Be VISIBLE. Then click the People tab of the profile and see who works there - LinkedIn usually brings up people you're connected with or have 2nd or 3rd connections to first. Find through whom you have those 2nd or 3rd connections, and message that person. You want to reconnect with this person, but the goal is to get an intro to the 2nd/3rd connection you've identified. It can look something like this:
"Hi (1st connection) - it's been a while since we've spoken! How have you been? Liking your role at XYZ company?
I'm exploring job options at the moment and see you're connected to (2nd/3rd connection). Do you think you could introduce me? They work for ABC company and it seems like a cool company to work for, so I'd love to learn more about it!
I am happy to return the favor with anyone in my network during your next job search!"
The more you get in front of your current network, the more likely they will be to think of YOU if their employer is looking for someone with your skills.
I've also actually messaged people I don't know at all, and have only had positive conversations. For those, send a personalized connection invitation, something like this:
"Hi (person) - we don't know each other, but I'm in the same industry as you and would value your guidance as I look for a new role. Are you open to chatting?"
Sometimes they don't respond, and that's okay. But in my experience, there are lots of people out there willing to take you under their wing. You just have to ask.
A couple of other little "fun" facts:
- AI isn't auto-rejecting you. I have worked on the backend of several ATSs, and none had this capability. HOWEVER, every single one could be configured with knockout questions in the application, hence why you might see a question like "Do you have experience with X tool/application/industry?" Answers can be configured as wrong and automatically reject you if you select it. What AI CAN do in applicant tracking systems is assign a match score to candidates, indicating to the hiring team which candidates it thinks are the best match based on the job description and the candidate's application. Whether the hiring team takes that match score at face value is another matter - the results of the Mobley v. Workday lawsuit will be interesting.
- Rejection messages aren't usually personalized because they are very easy to configure in ATSs to send when a candidate's status is updated to rejected. Most ATSs even have the ability to set that message on a delay, so that it SEEMS like someone carefully reviewed your resume. That's why you might get a rejection on a Saturday for a job that ordinarily wouldn't be open on the weekend. The reason you often don't get a rejection, however, is because hiring teams are notoriously bad at the administrative part - they never go back and reject people they didn't hire, and in some cases, never properly close a job.
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