vibes only @chemicalcain - Tumblr Blog

bell hooks mentioned going through a time in her life where she was severely depressed and suicidal and how the only way she got through it was through changing her environment: She surrounded her home with buddhas of all colors, Audre Lorde’s A Litany for Survival facing her as she wakes up, and filling the space she saw everyday with reinforcing objects and meaningful books. She asks herself each day, “What are you going to do today to resist domination?” I also really liked it when she said that in order to move from pain to power, it is crucial to engage in “an active rewriting of our lives.”

ritavonbees

I have come to think of the suicidal impulse as the brain waving a flag to say three things:

something needs to change here

this is urgent

I don’t know how to do it

death is the ultimate metaphor for drastic change. it’s a general specific. whatever your problems are, it is very likely that dead people don’t have to deal with them. a real solution to your problems may demand a very narrow range of action that’s likely to be out of reach at this moment, but death is sold on every street corner, so it feels like a more realistic fantasy than happiness.

you don’t really want to die per se but it’s also not completely random chemicals swamping your brain for no reason. you want the pain to stop, you want to be somewhere else, you want to be someone else. it’s urgent. you don’t know how to do it. the end is not the end but a means that feels within your reach right now.

this is the wisdom of bell hooks: daily rituals of meaning and resistance and solidarity are part of slowly building a future where you can make the change you really need. and only alive people can do that. every step you take towards change and power is another step away from death.

#suicide

super-ion

AITA for giving my housemate gender dysphoria?

I (32F) recently got a gig as a live in housekeeper for a haunted mansion. I'm like 85% sure the job posting was a scam to try and feed me to the house in order to stave off its eternal hunger for another decade or so. But it pays alright and I don't have to pay rent as long as I'm living here.

One of the ghosts (~250M(?)) possessed my body a few nights ago, but instead of, I don't know, making me climb onto a blaustrade or something, he got real quiet. I don't think he ever possessed a trans woman before and he just kinda spent the whole night staring at my hrt pill bottles.

Since then, he's still been wandering the halls at the stroke of midnight, shattering all the mirrors that mysteriously regenerate by morning, but it seems like his heart hasn't been in it.

(Are the mirrors symbolic of something???)

He (she?) is definitely going through some shit. I don't *think* I did anything wrong, considering he was the one who possessed me, but I still feel really bad about it.

super-ion

I watch the flames reach higher and higher into the night.

I've never seen a haunted house die before. I half expect the whole house to implode or something, that'd be neat.

But it doesn't.

I guess the flames are blazing a little more hungrily than they should given the thunderstorm that is currently drenching me.

I have mixed feelings about the whole thing. Well... not really, I'm relieved that this stupid house isn't going to be trying to kill me any more. I'm not looking forward to starting parallel apartment and job hunts tomorrow. I guess I kinda feel bad to see it burn for Minerva's sake (it's a working name, she still hasn't quite settled on any, but I can't just go around calling her "the ghost" now, can I?).

I'm not actually sure how she's feeling about this. It was her house, both living and dead, so there's a ton of baggage there. Maybe she's in shock. Maybe she's afraid of what happens next.

I don't know. I'm not afraid. I'm mostly tired. As far as I can tell, our little plan worked, so that's good.

I pull my eyes away from the house and squelch through the muddy lawn to my car. I pull the door closed behind me with a sigh and sit heavily.

I glance in the mirror where my face looks back at me with eyes that are the wrong color. That's going to take some getting used to...

"You okay?"

My reflection nods. She isn't okay, but that's expected.

I pat my own leg reassuringly.

She's free now. This whole shitty misadventure was worth it just to have had the opportunity to meet her and get her out of that place.

"I'm going to start the car now, and we're going to find a motel. You're going to see a lot of unfamiliar shit. Don't freak out. Just let me drive, okay?"

16-14

as a vaporeon your only mission in life is to slap your biiiiiiiig damn tail and splash around

16-14

as a flareon your only mission in life around is to be fluffy and have an awesome attack stat

16-14

as a jolteon your only mission in life is to run around super fuckin fast and be spikey and cool

16-14

as an umbreon your only mission on life is to glow and lurch around and go "rrrreaerrr" and stare at stuff with your red eyes

16-14

as an espeon your only mission in life is to hear a whole lotta stuff with your big ears and make stuff float and bask in the sun

16-14

as a leafeon your only mission in life is to have dope defenses and go around in forests and be cool and green

16-14

as a glaceon your only mission in life is to walk around graciously in the cold and lay comfortably in the snow

16-14

as a sylveon your only mission in life is to go around joyously and hold onto stuff with your big ribbons and go "(whistling sound)"

16-14

as an eevee

evui

verdant-lightning

valid animal placement

(23 October 2025)

doyoulovethewayzeylily

hearing voices, music, etc in white noise (static, refrigerator humming, water running) is a very common hallucination experienced by otherwise totally "sane" people, people just don't talk about it because of sanism. I hear music, it's never anything I've heard before and feels like it's being composed on the spot (which I suppose it technically is), I enjoy it a lot.

psychosis doesn't have to be a scary thing, it's literally normal.

molabuddy

strange things happen for no reason !

gingehh

reverse solipsism: everyone else has a vibrant interior life but I'm just a passive observer

#yeah this is how middle school felt

bookwyrminspiration

if you all could see all the fanart i imagine in my head and never draw it’d blow your tits clean off

hoodiedeer

where is all the art that perfectly appeals specifically to my exact tastes and desires and nobody elses

hoodiedeer

basementducks

Need to see him writhing, beaten, bloody, trembling, begging, choking on his gag, whimpering, caged, bruised everywhere, cannibalized, chained up, collared, drugged, burned, stabbed, betrayed, fainting, bitten, strangled, sliced up, flinching at touch, manipulated, manhandled, tortured, waterboarded, whipped......

descendant-of-truth

I think the other reason I don't really get into ships as portrayed by fandom culture is that it seems like the mindset is more like. "I want these characters to be in a Romantic Relationship(TM)" instead of "I want these characters' relationship to be romantic"

What I mean here is that, so often I see pairings enacting romance tropes to the point of heavily altering or downright replacing their original dynamic - as if the people behind it only understand romance as a series of checklists to tick off. Couples like to kiss and sleep in the same bed and flirt with each other, so it doesn't matter who the characters are, if they're a couple then naturally they'll do those things, right??

And that's where the whole thing starts to lose me, because I would assume that the appeal of shipping characters is, y'know... the characters? Rather than just, the idea of a couple? If I'm thinking about how it'd be cool for them to be in love, my first thought is always "so how would they show it," because just like everything else about a person, the answer is going to be different on a case-by-case basis.

Maybe the characters involved aren't really into kissing, but they like arranging date activities. Maybe they aren't committed to the structure of dating at all, and just want to be around each other whenever they can. And even if they are the types to like doing traditionally romantic things, that doesn't suddenly erase whatever else they had going on before they started adding that on top of it.

I'm not saying that the more typical romance tropes and activities are bad, just that they're applied kind of excessively, regardless of whether or not they actually work for the characters involved. I want to see my favorite characters having relationships that are true to who they are, not what the stock depiction of a couple says they should be.

cucurb

hey guysss so unfortunately the rumors are true and im leaving the narrative. Buttt the good news is my absence will create such a gaping hole in your lives that it will become a sort of presence itself, and so in a way it will kind of be like i never left! But i am. Leaving just to be clear.

#kairi #ghosts #you can never go home