voices up my head

"I talk to the dead. So yeah, I'm not crazy." Kim Jongdae/Chen. 920921. Special ; Clariaudience. Status : Engaged, to my beautiful astoria. For closed role-playing purposes only. Trackings ; chen dbd, chendbd and url

[seurene]

ⓒ

[chen-dbd]

❛❛ Shattered ► ♣ Chen

[chen-dbd]

It was raining heavily and abnormally Chen was out on the streets, abandoning the prospects of his health. If his loved ones were still present, they would scold him for being so careless when health was one of the important aspects to life but it only made his eyes to produce droplets along with the rain. Call him a softy, sissy, wimp or whatever name that was suitable for the situation when he clearly wasn’t one—the topic of his family members had always never failed to make him cry and be emotional regarding of it. He suddenly felt like it was best dying, if the situation occurred, he would be able to meet them everyday without worry in the slightest bit. The voices told him to find shelter, and all he wanted was to ignore the orders for just once. He was done listening to them, why couldn’t he have things his way? The question lingered until he felt his head ache, which resulted him to finally follow the instructions just to shut ‘them’ up.

Thoughts on dying had clouded his head at the moment and he suddenly felt like it, though he couldn’t see clearly if there were any useful tools or venues nearby to conduct his wish due to the rain he rested his head of the wall with his eyes closed. Not caring if someone saw him like that, he was out alone after all. Unless there was ‘company’ that was nearby, even if the matter had bounced back and forth inside his head, he ignored the claims of the dead with a female that was walking towards him. What matters the most to him was his family and his own happiness, nothing else mattered to him now. Not even the person who was approaching him.

[chen-dbd]

→ Divulge { Taekwoon x Chen }

[extaekwoondbd-deactivated201504]

"What do you think it was?" Good question. Taekwoon didn’t have the slightest clue. “I… I’m not sure,” he answered honestly, “but I’d rather not stick around to figure out if it’s friendly or not.” Another anxious look around his surroundings showed that the thicket was still as thick as ever. Even in his enhanced eyesight, Taekwoon couldn’t spy a way out anytime soon. He closed his eyes briefly and released a slow breath, forcing a poker face over his features. 

One glance at Chen’s expression told Taekwoon to shut up about the matter. For a moment, everything about the other seemed so… broken. As much as he would’ve liked to learn more about the other, he would steer clear of asking any more questions like this. He had felt the way Chen had looked before, and wasn’t eager to make the other relive whatever had caused him to look so broken. 

What was I doing before getting lost here? Right, I was flying over the city. Like normal people do whenever they can’t sleep. The voice in his mind was sarcastic. “I was just wandering around, and got lost in the forest.” It wasn’t a lie. He had been wandering the skies, until something practically shot him down. The shot had gone clean through the tip of his wing, but he hadn’t been too concerned when he landed and checked out the wound. Taekwoon healed fairly quickly, and by the time he had picked through the feathers to find the sore spot, the bleeding had stopped, leaving the wound to fix itself.

The shot had come from the forest, and he had just been wandering around the ground afterwards. It was dumb. Yeah no really? On top of that, he had wandered straight into the forest, of all places. Not very bright. 

"Do you… perhaps, work for the government?" That caught Taekwoon off-guard, and he snapped out of his thoughts to stare blankly at Chen, his poker face unmoving. It wasn’t until the other asked again that he shook his head, "No, I don’t." There was a bitterness in his tone that he didn’t expect to use. "I take it you don’t either," his dark eyes fixed onto Chen’s face. He didn’t expect the other to be working for the government, consider the two had been together for a while, and he hadn’t tried to kill him yet. Then again, one could never be too sure. 

[chen-dbd]

With a few attempts he had pursued, in taming his curious self as he would lock it well inside of him had not wounded up in vain. What he needed the most was utter patience, and a large amount of self and he was set to do whatever he had wanted. If he could comprehend with the voices of the dead, surely it would be as easy to handle himself—it was pure deceit. All of it, his emotions were getting out of hand; unbearable at some point though he had proved hard by convincing himself not to gain insanity. Not just yet. unless if she's really not here, then you're free to do so. A voice had spoken inside, it was just not worth to lose his mental state of mind before he could reunite with that fiance of his. And Chen knew a whole lot better. Raising his brows slightly he had listened to the other's remark of the 'thing' that they briefly had encountered. ''Well, I understand that—" The reply was halfway and he could not figure out anything else to say anymore. He too was unsure of the status of that 'thing', though a part of him would rather stay and find out. Dangerous or not, the dead will warn him at all costs, informing the every little bits of information to him.

Slowly he exhaled rather an audible heavy sigh, remaining to be nonchalant as he could. It didn't matter to him anymore if the friend of his discovered the sadness that lie within him, he was sad. Broken, depressed, the words could not precisely express on how he had been feeling for the past few days. Today was a different case, he was happy, finally feeling delighted to bump into a fellow survivor but he couldn't forever hide of what he endured. Sooner or later, it was bound to be spilled out, difference was; was he still sane or had he lost it? Blinking once, he shifted his weight of thoughts onto a contrast one. Learning about the other more, if he could possibly manage to pull that off which he was unsure of yet again and tried to display 'decent' facial expressions across his face. He had also learned about the other's purpose on how the other had lost his way; nodding as he listened intently. "Did you encountered the government or other survivors before you got lost?" Chen started to aim, there was at a certain degree that he would obtain something by the answer that he anticipated. For now, he kept his 'business' face intact.

There was one other question that he happened to be anticipated about, the truth in regarding Taekwoon's whole being. He was sure that Taekwoon would not be working with the government, he only wanted to make sure and conclude what would be the appropriate action later on. Whether to kill, or to spare. And silently, he had sighed in relief knowing for a fact that that company of his was not working with the people he disgust of. "You're right, I don't either." Now was the right time, as the other was looking at him. "If you don't mind me asking, have you ever heard of supernaturals?" It was out of the blue, and he was getting curious by the second. 

[jongdaedits-deactivated20150327]

[fitzgeraldquotes]

I used to build dreams about you. A man has to have something living to cling to.

F. Scott Fitzgerald, Benediction (via fitzgeraldquotes)

[chen-dbd]

→ Divulge { Taekwoon x Chen }

[extaekwoondbd-deactivated201504]

Taekwoon nodded at the other’s introduction, and made a note to remember the name. As Chen started to move, Taekwoon followed him gratefully, he was feeling a sense of unease being in the forest now. He was almost sure that there were a pair of eyes watching their movements, and he didn’t like it. 

Let’s just hope we can get out of here without being attacked. 

"Tell me, what made you jumpy just now?" 

Chen’s question hung in the silence for a few moments before Taekwoon shook his head a few times, “I thought I heard something behind me; It’s probably nothing. I suppose I’m a little easy to scare.” 

He laughed softly and nervously, the hairs on the back of his neck still prickling in discomfort. Taekwoon itched to tear out of there, to run as fast as he could away from whatever was lurking in the woods, but he pushed the instinct down and forced himself to take a deep breath. 

"So what were you up to in the forest so late?" Taekwoon wanted to know a bit more about his temporary companion, but it wasn’t like he could just ask about the other’s prior life. Much of that didn’t really matter anymore. 

[chen-dbd]

Somehow, deep down he knew the other possessed an ability. Though the question still remains; whether or not that Taekwoon was a supernatural or someone like him, who developed a 'special' abnormality through the conducted experiments. Time is running out and he knew it, he wanted to be straightforward and ask but he suddenly developed this sense of 'precaution', a peculiar feeling that arose up a little while ago—out of character, yes, it was for him. Never would he ever felt that way towards other, it only applied for Taekwoon only. Weird, as he tilted his head to the side. Searching for words to use, he would never know when he will able to meet his temporary friend again as the world was filled with uncertainty and of course, danger as well, so he ought to ask soon enough. With a few blinks occurred, he listened to the other and had waited. Both patiently and impatient at the same time, complicated. That was how he was feeling at the very moment, noddind once as he implied on the other he was listening. "Well, I didn't. What do you think it was?" Slow and steady, he reminded himself and like he mentioned before; it was a long way to go before they could arrive towards the exit. It was hard to think straight when your mind is at an emotional distress.

Looking back, he shot the 'thing' a look and proceeded to study the facial expression of his current friend. Whatever that thing was, it managed to scare that friend of his. Or maybe that friend of his was easy to scare? Unclear about the answer, Chen decided to put that matter to rest. As long as it didn't oppose a threat—they would be just fine. The laugh had already proved him that the thing was found disturbing for the other, and he was dying to know the ability Taekwoon had. He was a curious cat after all, since he had only met a few people who owns 'specialties' of their own. His mind was elsewhere when Taekwoon fired the question, in which it resulted for him to felt a little bit taken aback. Honesty is the best policy, the back of his mind voiced but then again, if he gave out information about the love of his life—who knew what would happen next? Exhaling an inaudible sigh he went on, flashing his 'broken' smile out to the other. Not caring if the other had sensed the sadness which lies on it, "I just wanted distractions." he stated. Telling the truth was hard, but when it came down to actually expressing it—it came in as easy of a task. "I usually go out when I feel lonely, and sometimes, I bump into people. How about you? Were you lost?" As his brows raised up, curiosity had stabbed him. 

If he could, he had wanted to let it all out. And by letting it out, he means by all of it. He just needed someone to accompany and distract him for a while. Maybe it would consume a day or two, the only thing that could sum it up was his emotional state—if that friend of his does, then he would be forever grateful for that. There were a lot of things that he wanted to ask, that was bottled up and that was he wanted to spill. Only time would unravel all of it once he does (find a friend who would stick by him). "Do you...perhaps, work for the government?" It came out in a mutter, much to himself but it wouldn't be impossible if the other didn't catch it. Slowly, he stopped his track and turned his head to his friend's direction. "Do you...?" It was the one thing he would ask if he had met with strangers.

[bloggersbirdeyeview]

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I absolutely love this song!

[chen-dbd]

↬ 너는 나의 呼吸 쉬고

                      There was just no more tears at the moment that would stream out of his puffy tired eyes, he was tired—no, he was both mentally and physically drained. Every breath that he took would hurt him, yes, up to that point whereas if his lungs would generate air; causing his rib cage to move and proceeded to hurt him. Chen just could not suppress missing the name he had loved. Or the name that he realized he would continue to love; even if it lasted forever. "Suzy," as it came out in a low whisper. Causing the wave of emotion to struck him, hard. His hand were trembling as he remembered her, the memories did not help at all—nothing else could comfort him besides her. It had been suffocating him, as if he was strangled by an invisible force; breathing was hard for him. The more he delved in his memories, it became more further. As if cold wind had swept it away, having no intentions of him retrieving it in the slightest. For as long as he shall live, Jongdae would be haunted by pure sadness and regret. "Why did I became so careless?" And his eyes now were hurting as warm droplets had been produced. He was crying. If he had left her for a while, she would be there next to him. Maybe nestling in his arms as he sing her to sleep, or maybe watching and admiring her beauty as she was deep in slumber. How he hated himself for being such a jerk, how he had wanted to see her so badly and how he had wished to end his life. 

                        Because now his heart was ripped apart, lies. Ever since he lost her, that very day had became the inauguration of his non stop pain. His nightmare had just came to life, the angel that fell from the heavens and fell right into his heart. She was his angel, his sunshine and everything that he had ever hoped for. But now without her presence to lighten up his dark days, causing his heart to be broken—ripped apart and feelings shattered to tiny bits of pieces, but midst of all, she would remain as Chen would remember her. Though the days that passed him by would be slow, and though the emptiness deep inside of him flows out , he would think of her. Every moment that would surpass him, he would never doubt that and she was the only source of him being alive.

                        Letting her go was never on his list anyways, since he knew that it was worth spending his life alone. With her. The aftermath was his love for Suzy would remain the same, it could never change. "For as long as I shall live, I would wait. Even if it takes forever."  

[brandinator]

[marceline-hye]

[fitzgeraldquotes]

I am frightfully unhappy, look like the devil, will be famous within one 12-month and, I hope, dead within 2.

F. Scott Fitzgerald, 1919 (via fitzgeraldquotes)

[chen-dbd]

→ Divulge { Taekwoon x Chen }

[extaekwoondbd-deactivated201504]

Taekwoon shook his head a little, “It’s fine.” He nibbled on his lower lip. It took him a few moments to process the other’s question, “Ah, I’m Taekwoon,” he said quietly, his head bowed out of habit. 

He looked around the clearing a bit warily, “How do you navigate through the forest?” Everything looks the same, he didn’t say. 

Taekwoon’s ears caught a tiny whisper of a sound behind him, and his head swung around to look behind him for a long moment. He couldn’t see past the thick barrier of leaves and branches. When nothing sprung out into the clearing though, he dismissed it, and turned back. 

"Sorry, I guess I’m a little jumpy," he grimaced and rubbed the back of his neck a little. There was suddenly an odd feeling in the forest, and it was making him feel on edge. The faster I get out of here, the better. "So which way did you say was the way out?" Taekwoon asked, trying not to seem panicked. 

[chen-dbd]

The whole mental debate (and also which he had cursed himself for being 'unintentionally' blunt) had never worn out his inner mind. Sometimes, it would just be enough to remain silent, but he just couldn't help himself. Another alert came in mind, filter your thoughts before you could speak them aloud. And the dead went on rambling about it, sounding much like his own nagging aunt, tormenting his mental state yet again. Never to find it troublesome, nor tiring as well. Even when Chen had already adapted to them, they could still be the pain on the neck—who likes to be nagged anyways? Shaking his head once, he told them off; either be quiet or they would receive his ultimatum. Which was abandoning them, and so far; it worked. Thank God, I need to learn about this guy more. Do me a favor and shut up for a few minutes. The other had bowed his head as he gave out a little piece of information he had seek. Mimicking the same movement, he smiled. "I'm Chen, and it's nice to meet you."

It was certainly nice to see a fellow survivor out, he wanted distraction and the best way to do that is by roaming around the streets. Risky, but he had always opted for it when his mood is down. If he were to follow his heart—mainly his emotions; maybe blood would gushed out of his eyes if he cried. He was hurt, emotionally and one of the ways to cure it was to have distractions; it may be not the best antidote available but it still worked its magic on him. And he studied the other, who was looking around—wariness visible on his face. "Well, I guess if you're usually out, you'd be able to remember the way." Chen lied, he knew the other had been keeping something from him; somehow he would want to press on that matter. Wait for it. And after a few minutes of serenity, the dead ushered him about 'something' else being present at the forest. Having informants can make life easier, and I don't want to come across of being classified as 'easy'.

Along came the spontaneous act of Taekwoon being jumpy—by the sudden appearance that is. Chen acted as if he too was also surprised, his shoulders was raised up, "Oh, that surprised me." He remarked, maybe, just maybe he could be up for an award—carrying the act of deceiving but he didn't matter. What matters to him the most was finding out what ability Taekwoon had possessed, curiosity had urging him yet again. "It's okay, I'm like that too sometimes." He shook his head, with a grin on his face; enjoying the fact that the other seemed a little too jumpy but the latter statement had caught him off guard. Is that thing really dangerous? I don't think there's harm, if you could defend yourself. And once more, delusions clouded his archives. Making it hard to focus, damn it. Suddenly his ears picked up a question, and thank heavens he figured out what Taekwoon had asked of him, "Well, I'll lead you then. Follow me," He ushered, walking towards his left. "Its a bit far from here, I hope you're fine with it." As he peered to his side, watching the other's expression. "Tell me, what made you jumpy just now?"

[chen-dbd]

♦ — Parallelism [ Joonyoung & Chen ]

[acejaehwa]

The young man managed to find a can of instant coffee, and was now merely standing in the middle of the road, drinking ice cold instant coffee. He stood quietly staring out at nothing, just being by himself, absorbing the surrounding atmosphere. His guitar was on his back, as well a shotgun that he beat off a few people. It was almost like a surreal dream, the life before the end of the world. Where he had a roommate and a girlfriend and an actual job and things weren’t as stupid or as difficult as they were now. Now, it was kill or be killed. Do not trust anyone. He had never killed anyone before but he still remembered the glassy eyes of the boy that he had killed.

Taking a sip of the cold coffee, he heard a noise, and tuned into his ability. Somebody was coming. Light footsteps. The tracker turned around immediately upon the sound of the voice. A boy, maybe a bit younger than Joonyoung was the source of the noise and Joonyoung looked him up and down, silently committing things to memory.

As the other boy stated that he would not harm him if he chose to cooperate with him and then asked whether he was from the government or not, Joonyoung pondered the question. “Well, to answer your question honestly, no. I don’t have the mental capacity to work for the government,” he started, “Besides, the government has their own trackers. What use would I be to them?” he said, finishing the cold coffee and sticking the mug in his bag. Joonyoung lit a cigarette and looked over. “Why would you be asking someone a question like that?”

[chen-dbd]

As moments had transpired before them, somehow, Chen had gotten rather impatient. A rare oddity which occurred queerly to him, he knew he was losing his mind—or was very close to reaching insanity but with large sum of effort, he closed his eyes for a a second; remaining to be calm and briefly shushed the dead for being ever so noisy. 'They' were also a part of him to gain derangement, and the more he would listen—it would really lead for his mental condition to be a whole lot worse. Reopening his eyes, he exhaled a heavy sigh silently out. Reminding of himself to be focused and not act rashly based on his emotions, if he was currently facing an enemy; he would've made an easy target. And that was the last thing on his list. The lad seemed to be gulping down on a can of coffee, which Chen had found it to be rather highly peculiar but he toned down the wild assumptions of his down just to listen to his answer that he demanded. Focus, focus. He was about to open up, highly curious and highly impatient until the other had made him taken aback by the answer. "...mental capacity to work for them...?" It was a whisper to himself, and that had ticked something inside the registers of his memory. In all honesty, if the government had captured him and such; he would tell them basically the very same thing. He was in an emotional distraught, how could he be working for them in that condition? They had drugs of course, but he would convince them otherwise.

But the other inquiry had pulled him back from his distant thoughts, he's a tracker. And the dead went wild upon hearing it, the noises made him feeling numb. He didn't want to hear what they were going to say anymore, it was based on his intuition now. Whatever may be on his way next, he was fully prepared for it. Regardless if he was ready, or not. It didn't mattered, Chen had just wanted for them to simmer down for a while before he would explode. "Trust me, you'd be very useful to them." And a sly grin had shaped up his lips, added with his blunt remark. Preferring to be quiet as he watched the fellow 'survivor' attaching the mug and lighting up a cigarette—which came much to his dismay, since he didn't smoke. Nor was he a smoker himself, he hated it. Though he tried not to show it on his face, and it was his turn to be questioned. Normal, considering the fact that he would come up to people and asked them rather 'trigger' question, so he had been half expecting of it. Clearing his throat, he went on, "I'm just curious. You never know what will happen next," As he paused to resist the urge to cough he quickly added, "And honestly, I despise the government. Don't you?" It was a dumb question to ask, but he wanted to hear the words anyway.

[saluteleighs]

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Cause all of me loves all of you, love your curves and all your edges, all your perfect imperfections…

[9dorky]

♥ / endless edits of Kim Jongdae.

cr : obliviate

[chen-dbd]

→ Divulge { Taekwoon x Chen }

[extaekwoondbd-deactivated201504]

Taekwoon nodded slowly, half relieved that he hadn’t given himself away as a supernatural before asking for a confirmation. The corners of his mouth twitched upwards slightly, the closest thing to a smile Taekwoon could manage for someone he barely knew. “Ah,” he said with a small nod, hoping that he didn’t give anything away about himself. The stranger seemed friendly enough, almost strangely so, and not at all aggressive, but in this world, you could never really tell. 

"Have you, perhaps seen me somewhere before?" Taekwoon blinked, a little surprised at the question that seemingly came from nowhere. His dark eyes scanned the other’s face silently, taking in the other’s features. "No, I don’t think so…" he said hesitantly after a while of speculation. The questions seemed to be coming out of the blue, and Taekwoon was getting really confused. I wonder what he’s getting at. But I don’t think he would be from the government… He doesn’t seem like it. Then again, who seems like they’re working with the government? 

He looked around the area, “So you say you know how to get out of here?” He was confused; all the trees looked the same. How does one manage to navigate through a forest when all these trees look the same? 

[chen-dbd]

Assimilating towards the waft of reality was currently hard of a task for him, it was hard with his complicated brain. Having a sick mind and to top it all off, teem with the voices that he often hears from the dead. Telling him abundance of things at a time, its somehow a wonder—even to himself that is, how could he managed to stay sane after all that he had been through? Losing his loved ones at stake, forcing to continue on living in the now decimated world; having all of those entities meshed into one including the uncertainty that he was bound to face later on was already heavy on his shoulders and yet Chen had only kept reminding of himself to remain positive. At all outcomes that may come into his way. Seeing the other had smile, he too had returned the favor and listened to the inquiry. As a result, he could only nod in response. The one thing that he couldn't help was to 'tame' his rather chatty side towards other survivors, having someone to talk with was something he had also wished for. Other than reuniting with the love of his life again that is.

It seemed to him that he triggered something, yet again. Sometimes, having a blunt personality could really keep people guessing—on whether you're an honest of a person, or rude. Plain rude. Oops. He said to himself. Way to go, Chen. Way to go. Heaving out a silent yet a heavy sigh through his lips, he only let the other stare at him. Probably judging his question, or worse, maybe Chen had wounded up on the other's 'what the hell is wrong with this dude?' list. "I'm sorry, that came out unintentional." He quickly added, misunderstanding were best avoided in situations like this. Again, he shake his head. Reminding of himself not to get too excited nor too blunt upon meeting strangers. 

The dead was somewhat being rather 'speculative' at the moment, he could only shush them off for a brief second before he had to forcefully listen to them. A process which he had adapted to, but never happened to be in his liking whatsoever. Suddenly, he had remembered something, or was it just him being overly distracted? He forgot to retrieve the other's name, which came in essential. "Ah, yes. I do." Chen replied, not wanting to be seen losing focus elsewhere. Its easy when you have informers up your sleeve. "I'll lead you the way out, but I may have forgotten something. What's your name?" He stated, curiosity piqued at its finest.

[chen-dbd]

¶ abnormal encounter ▬ sh x jd

[sehun-dbd]

-His brows knit at the words once more, lips pursing in thought as he examined his options. He had been meaning to go back to the hotel although he knew no one waited for him there— Yifan had gone to God knows where and he hadn’t seen Luhan in at least a month. Sighs as he nods his head at you, although wondering what you meant by your weak mumbling, he decides it’s better not to ask unless he’s told and so he simply returns to play with his notepad and yet when the mention of food crosses by it’s as if his stomach had heard the words and decided to respond instead of him, making him flush as his hand covers his torso. Honestly not recalling the last time he had something more than a few nuts he found and perhaps some small berries, he shrugs with an almost sheepish smile at the other.-

[chen-dbd]

[ ` watches the other summing up all of the calculations; blinks and breathes out as he waits — as he waited; the mumbling of the other's stomach had caught his ears — causing for him to grin automatically ] I guess I'm on the right track. [ ` shakes his head; suddenly forgetting that he had not brought along his trustworthy backpack which contained food — mentally curse himself and making a note on to bring the backpack at all cost from that moment on ] Follow me then, I have food. [ ` waits for his company to finally get a move ]