*ੈ✩‧₊˚ summary: a night walk takes an unexpected turn
You were walking in the deep night through the castle's cold corridors. Lost in your thought, you saw the dim moonlight shining outside lighting the grass outside.
There was something about wandering around alone at night, but you couldn't resist thinking how badly you yearn for more from life. Being alone was fun, but being lonely wasn't. You thought about all of the group of friends always talking, sitting and playing together, and how your heart aches every time you see it. You had a few friends, of course, but they seemed to get along better without you. You've thought about how maybe you're just overreacting, and maybe they're not the type of people you'd be around all the time, but how long could you wait for people so dear to your heart that you'd never think about anything like this again?
Hearing quiet and distant laughing, you drifted more into your thoughts, finally arriving at your destination. Walking to the astronomy tower in the middle of the night was an everyday occurrence for you. Nobody ever bothered you there, and the sky painted with bright stars was your dearest sight. Taking out a pack of cigarettes that you almost went crazy trying to get at hogwarts, you sought out constellations you knew.
Virgo, hydra, cancer, and so on. Taking a drag, you helplessly started to think again. Picking up smoking made you think your problems would go away, but they stayed just as the addiction did. Thinking over and over again probably made it worse, but what could you do? Who could you talk about it? Of course, the greatest advice you've gotten is to go out and make some friends, it's not like you've never tried it's just that people rather stay in their circles instead of adopting a stranger into their pack.
You were cruel to yourself for those thoughts, but even more for being deadly jealous of the marauders.
Picture them, a perfectly balanced group, good-looking with the ability to get whoever they want, extremely funny, witty yet smart. Pranks of theirs always made everyone's day, including even some slytherins. Seeing them walking past you and greeting everyone they knew at the same time made you so incredibly envious of what they have. And it made you think how pathetic your tries are. Their unbreakable friendship was incomprehensible to you.
Distracted by your thoughts, you didn't hear someone walking up the stairs and going up to the very same railing you were hunched over. A rather loud bang snapped you back to reality.
Gathering yourself, you turned around to see Regulus Black standing at the top of the stairs in his usual dark clothes. His hair was messy, probably from waking up, his gaze unreadable as usual. After a while of silence, he decided to join you, keeping his distance.
"Smoking?" his voice quiet.
You nodded in reply, offering him one, which he took without thinking twice. Your gaze landed on him as he lit it up and exhaled the smoke into the cold night air after taking a long drag. Sometimes, you would catch yourself staring at him in the class, fearing he would catch you, but you couldn't help resist it. His features were so godly, his deep blue eyes always seemed to catch yours, his dark curls framed his face perfectly, and his long, slender fingers leafed through the book with grace.
"Couldn't sleep?" he suddenly asked, turning to you.
"Never can." You replied as you watched the breeze cause his dark curls to move along his face.
"Me neither." The wind was picking up again, and another dark curl fell across his forehead. He did nothing to brush it aside, as if he was too preoccupied staring at you.
Looking back at the stars, you felt your cheeks fire up but don't know whether it's from the cold or the man's strong gaze.
"Do you like the stars?" he asked after filling his lungs with nicotine once more.
"A lot, I study them often."
"I assume you have a favorite star then?" his voice was now warmer and gentle.
Looking as the night sky bathes him in its soft light, you answered.
"I suppose I do... but i don't know its name. It's the brightest one in the leo constellation, and every time I come here, it seems like it's shining just for me."
"Oh? That one?" his finger guided your gaze to the star.
"Yeah! Do you know the name of it?" Your eyes were shining bright from the night sky.
"It's Regulus" he says as he smirks.
"Oh.. really? Sorry if it's weird.." turing your head to him, you tried not to make things ever more weird. Why does something like this happens when you try to talk to somebody new?
"Don't stress, it's fine" smile could be heard from his voice.
After a while of silence, being broken only by sounds of exhaling smoke, he spoke again, but with a tone in his voice, you couldn't wrap your head around.
"You remind me of the moon."
"I remind you of what?" being completely taken aback, you turned your head to him, but he was already watching you.
"You're mysterious and magical in so many ways, and you probably don't notice that. You're compassionate, kind, wise, and you can see the beauty of everything."
You stared at his pale skin with pink tinted lips, not knowing what to do or even say.
"But, you don't even know me?"
"You catch my eye whenever I see you. Your eye color is my favorite one, I can see how every time someone mentions art you get excited, I notice how you're the only one who says goodbye to the teacher after the class is dismissed, I can see how you don't talk much to your friends knowing you have an unimaginable amount of things to share. The way you treat cats near the castle, the way you help first years to find their classes, the way you put so much effort in making the perfect potion, I see it all. I see you. And I wanna know you more, I wanna know your deepest darkest secrets, and your sweet dreams. I wanna know your opinions and they way you prefer your tea. I want to know you." his eyes were looking straight into yours, and you could feel the emotions flowing through him.
The breeze was getting stronger, messing up his hair further, but the only thing he focused on was you.
You couldn't form a single sentence. The way he talked to you fully emerged in emotions, made something inside you go soft. Softer than it ever was before. You made your mind quickly grabbing him by the collar, dropping your cigarette to the ground and kissing him. Something you wanted to do for ages. His soft lips felt like honey on yours, while his curls under your hands were delicate like flowers. melting into his touch, you let him take control, still tasting the cigarette on him. He was treating you as a doll that's about to fall apart. Pulling away to catch breaths felt like breaking a spell. Your eyes met again with lust.
"I want you to know me." holding his face with your eyes, you broke into a smile. "You're my brightest star" you spoke so quietly you didn't even know if the boy heard you, but looking at how his face lit up and his eyes shone, you were certain he will hear everything you say.
after a rather hard night staying up and thinking of annabeth and percy, you had to carry on with daily activities. you couldn't be like this every day, yet you couldn't bring yourself to say all that's on your chest to said boy. why would you destroy such a sweet love out of selfishness? you decided avoiding him again was the best strategy.
cleaning the swords after a practice with a demeter kid you saw percy walking up to you. you quickly turned around, trying as hard as you could to walk away unnoticed.
"hey, got a moment?" You heard him shout after you.
you absentmindedly looked at him for a quick second, seconds later coming back to your senses and continuing walking.
"are you ignoring me?" said percy now beside you, gripping your hand.
"get your hands off of me, jackson!" Shouting you tried to get away from his grip, without any luck.
"listen, have I done or said something wrong?" his confused gaze shifted to your eyes.
your scoff didn't make him go away, his gaze was still unyielding.
"you wanna know what's has been really on my mind for the past few weeks? you, percy. and annabeth. how every time I talk to you, you mention her. how every time I look at you, you seem to be looking at her." you finally said frantically, shaking your hand.
"what?" percy asked confused at your statement.
"what is it that you don't understand, percy? I wanna be the one you wake up thinking about, I wanna be the one you look at in a conversation, I wanna be the one you mention to everyone, I wanna be the one that takes care of you when you're sick, I wanna be the one for you. do you understand now? my heart just cannot see you, always having fun with annabeth, and I don't wish bad for you nor her because she's such a good person and so are you. it would be so selfish of me to destroy something so precious because of my own feelings. that's why I didn't say anything and kept on avoiding you, it's just easier that way, percy. I thought it would go away, but oh gods, it won't! percy, my body yearns for you, and I'm hungry for your love. I keep on seeing your pretty, sea-like eyes and melting at the thought of your touch on my burning skin. it's selfish of me talking about that knowing you're out of my touch, but I couldn't hold it anymore, fearing of exploding. I'm sorry that you're running on my mind freely." tears started forming in your eyes after your confession.
"you... love me?"
"do I love you? percy, I would hold the entire world on my shoulders just for you."
after a while of silence where only your soft cries were heard, percy walked up closer to you.
"i did it all wrong. I started talking more to annabeth because I thought I'd never be good enough for you, that I'd never match your expectations or your beauty. yes, she helped me with what I was going through, but you never left my mind. you are the one I'm thinking about when I wake up, and I want you to be the one to hold me in your dear arms when I'm sick. I wanna grow old with you and say the things I've always wanted to. and I'm sorry for misleading you all of the time, we could've had something beautiful going by now."
"it's not too late." you said, coming closer to him and nearly getting lost in his scent.
holding him like you never wanna lose him again, you connected the gap between you. feeling his soft and hot lips on you was better than you'd even dreamed of. your hand tracing his curls and his hand caressing your cheek.
You sat on the sand, looking at the reflection of the moon on the sea. The day is almost over, and everyone is in their cabins getting ready to sleep, yet here you are, thinking if it'll ever be different.
You've never celebrated birthday, it's not like you didn't want to - you really did - but nobody seemed to ever care. They were either too busy on whatever they were doing or just simply forgot.
And today was no different, even though you thought it would be because you joined the camp.
Maybe they didn't know? Maybe they were too busy practicing? You tried to cheer yourself up.
You knew it would be a bad idea to have your hopes up.
You patiently waited the whole day for a "happy birthday" from literally anyone, but not even your friends did that.
Looking at the moon and thinking when was the last time you actually felt wanted and validated, you got completely lost up in daydreaming. Until you suddenly got snapped back to reality by a small sound.
Taking out a small knife that's always in your pocket, you looked around. Scanning the landscape, you saw nothing. Turning around again, you saw a boy standing in front of you. How didn't you see him coming? Scared, you stood up and took a step back.
"Woah.. hey, I didn't mean to scare you" said the mysterious boy.
"Who are you?" your voice was shaky.
"Percy, you can put the knife away, you know" you heard a little laughter from his voice.
How could you not recognize him? You shoved your knife in your pocket where it belonged and sat back down. A few moments later he did the same.
"I've god something for you.. here" He said, giving you a small blue cupcake that smelled like the best thing on earth.
"I'm so sorry I didn't wish you a happy birthday earlier, but I was too caught up with fighting. Also, Chiron needed some help too, oh, and I hope you like the cupcake.. my mom always makes them blue, it's like a tradition, you know?"
He stopped his small ramble at the sound of your soft cries.
"Are you okay? What's wrong?"
You didn't respond but hugged him like you've never done before. A few tears were falling down your cheek to his shirt, but he didn't seem to care. After a while, you felt him touching your red and wet cheek and whiping away a stray tear as you hopelessly stared into his eyes as magical as the sea. You wanted to memorize every detail of him, knowing you could never resist him.
He leaned closer to you, holding you tight in his arms and finally connecting the gap between your lips. Your mind was racing with million thoughts all at once, but the sweet taste of him brought you back to reality.
"without you by my side I'd be long gone, you know that?" you asked him with teary eyes after a while of comfortable silence.
"I could say the same." he said, looking right back at you. Happiness is such a weird thing, after all.
sitting on the sand looking at the sky filled with stars, you heard other kids singing by the campfire. the night was peaceful until you heard ruffling next to you, turning around you saw your best friend, percy.
best friend and the person you had feelings for the longest time. but how could you ever tell him that? he had his eyes on annabeth, and everybody knew that.
"what are you doing here alone?" he asked, sitting next to you. you didn't dare to shift your gaze to him.
"thinking." you replied simply.
"about?" his eyes were now focused on your side profile.
"doesn't matter." you saw how he quickly turned around when annabeth started singing along with the apollo kids
"why aren't you with her?" your question snapped percy back to reality.
"the sea is so peaceful at this time, it's calming."
looking at him, you thought how his eyes always wandered to annabeth whenever she was near. how he seemed more relaxed around her, how his feet were always pointing to her in conversations.
your feelings were choking you every time you saw them together, but what could you do? destroy something so precious to them because of your own feelings? you couldn't do that, he was your best friend after all.
"how are you feeling percy?" you asked him to stop the uncomfortable silence around you.
"to be fair, not the best, but I just talked to annabeth about it, she's such a good listener." Here he was again talking about her. you shifted your gaze from the sea to his ocean blue eyes and saw how he was now slightly smiling.
"oh! that's amazing, I bet she's wonderful. " you pretended to sound happy, ignoring how your throat was now burning, and you felt your eyes staring to fill with tears. hearing him talk about her for hours without end was tiring, to say the least.
you focused your eyes on the water again to prevent him from seeing your wet cheeks. should you lie to him again that everything's fine? he deserves the truth, but he deserves to be happy more. you could destroy yourself but not your friendship with him. it was all pointless.
you heard her in the distance calling for him, of course he obeyed.
"sorry I promised her a practice, see you tomorrow, yeah?" he got up, staring at you for a second, then going away.
"yeah.." you said quietly, not knowing if he heard you, feeling a stray tear escaping your eye. she was so perfect in every way, always looking good and not feeling scared to stand up for herself. not even mentioning how smart she was. you could wake up every day thinking, why were you that way. you often avoided his gaze, hoping this feeling would finally go away, but it didn't. it only got worse, and hiding it from him wasn't the answer.
you placed your back as well as your head on the sand, now looking at the sky painted with stars.
Sitting alone wasn't exactly how you imagined your evening.
You were supposed to hang out with Nobara, but she changed her mind minutes before your meeting because Yuji needed help with something. It was probably urgent, right?
The grass beneath you was cold, but you didn't mind. Wind slowly blew around, making quiet sounds. It was a peaceful night, perfect, some people might say. You looked up to see tons of little dots on the sky forming different constellations, you saw the moon and how bright it was. How big and quiet it is. You knew why you liked the moon so much, it reminded you of someone. Certain someone who would always help you, someone who would hug you everytime they see you even though they hate it, someone who would tell their sister every little detail about you, someone who makes you feel seen and someone who makes you feel special.
And funny enough, that person is walking to sit next to you right now.
You looked around to see Megumi smiling slightly and giving you a side hug. You two understand each other completely without saying anything.
You sat in comfortable silence stargazing until you feel his gaze on you. Why has he been looking at you for so long? Maybe he wants to talk? Maybe you did something wrong? You try to ignore his eyes exploring your body but you just can't. When he realized he's been caught staring he's fast to look away.
A few moments pass by, and just when you're about to stand up, you hear him say something that made your heart stop beating for a second.
"The moon is beautiful, isn't it?"
A simple sentence, yet you've been wanting to hear that for so long. Maybe you like the moon more than you thought.
