[English] A badger at the hospital
[Sorry for my bad English, I’m French. I do my best]
Lying comfortably on my bed, my fingers are typing on the keyboard of the computer I have been loaned. Music in my ears, "Chapelier fou", I dream. I write, again and again, everything that goes through my head, my brain in turmoil. I'm here, in this hospital, to who I am for myself, to understand my eternal ill-being, looking for a way to heal and rebuild myself. So time flies and I wait. The days are the same at the hospital: Meals, cigarette breaks, discussions with staff and other patients, visits and trips to the cafeteria. I am a patient like the others. Everything seems so long.
~
Sometimes, I'm crying. I'm exhausted from loneliness and can't seem to feel better. My problems take up all the space in my head. I close my eyes.
~
I open them. A funny little creature has just appeared. A strange animal silhouette stretches and smiles at me. It is a European badger.
- Hi to Chokalie! He exclaims in a cheerful voice.
It's K-Boo, my daemon for two years. A kind of imaginary animal friend who helps me, protects me and advises me. I created it following research on mental companions, it fascinated me. I am the only person who can see and hear him, he was born from my mind and only exists for me, simply because I believe in him. He is my conscience, my inner voice, he is me.
The little creature who acts as my confidant sits against me and approaches, happy.
" Then then ! How are you this afternoon? Oh, are you having fun with your friends? You know, the girl who keeps asking you for cigarettes and pestering you for cigarettes. And then there is also this girl who thinks she is a big star because she sings "giga too well". And, do you remember the transphobic and homophobic boy who thinks that gays control the world? Ah ah, "real" best friends. What would the hospital be without them?" He said wryly.
Then he laughs, his eyes sparkle with mischief. And I laugh silently with him.
This is my K-Boo I recognize it.
"Come on, don't worry, I'm here for you, you're not alone and you never will be while I'm here"
It's his magic phrase, he always has the word to console me.
He climbs on the windowsill. He changes into a skunk (sometimes he changes into a rat, a mouse or a mustelid also) and begins the discussion. "So, more seriously ... How is your day going? "," Do you feel better about all this? "," What can I do to make you happier? " I don't need to answer aloud to communicate with him, I just have to "think" for him to understand me, a bit like a kind of telepathy. With hyperactive tendencies, I see him moving around the room, he poses in several places, plays a little on the spot, lengthens his legs - I hear him stomping on the floor -, sometimes he look like idiot and stupid for fun.
~
To change our minds, we finally decide to listen to music together. Sometimes I increase the pitch of a song to have the impression that the singer's sound comes out of his mouth. We listen to typical meditation music or "Fox Amoore" or "The XX" of your choice. Close your eyes and imagine yourself in our mental world, our Innerworld named Lakandie. It's always better than just lying on my hospital bed. We run in the forest of my mind, we bathe in the hot springs and we lie down in the meadow filled with flowers. We take this opportunity to take stock of the day, how things are going, new thoughts to come, future projects. Quiet. Quietly. Zen.
As time goes by, I feel that the tension drops, I let myself be lulled by his sometimes funny, sometimes reassuring sentences.
I like his teasing side, his exuberant ideas, his technique to always find a say and how much he knows how to make me laugh. He knows me by heart. We are together in the same problem, so we help us, together.
~
The day has gone by so quickly and I am going to bed soon I serve my invisible K-Boo in my arms. K-boo I know that you will always be there for me ... as I will always be there for you. Good night, my best friend ...