How Kihun is meant to answer that is beyond him. He mulls it over once Violet is finished saying what she wants to say, his thoughts going slow for a time, and he wonders if it’s just because the sun is up that he feels so tired, or if it’s something else. Laying with her like this is never a bad thing, but there are times when it can be draining, if only because he knows that he feels more than she ever could. It’s not that he blames her — he never could, and if he did, he would certainly not deserve to be close to her in any regard — but more that he can’t help but feel himself grow weary of playing charades, after a time. Not that he has to pretend to want to be her friend, or to at the very least be close to her in any sort of simple regard despite all else. “Is ‘fooling’ you meant to imply intent?” Because he doesn’t intend it, that is for sure. He just is what he is, and there’s no changing it. “I don’t think you need to be guarded with me. Or at least I like to believe you do not. If I could spend all of my time in a sunlit meadow with you, I would.”
“a sunlit meadow sounds like heaven right now,” she would love nothing more than to sunbathe, stretch out like a lazy cat and spend time with present company. her feelings toward hunny are the most confused she’s felt for a long time now, usually so sure of herself and her morals; vampires are wrong, they are not to be trusted. not be loved, and yet... “no. no intent. i think it’s more... a side effect of being around you. of the aura you give off. you radiate warmth and love, acceptance and something so strong and confident that it’s quite difficult not to get lost in it,” sometimes she just wants to get lost in it for a little while and not have to think about the consequences or what lines she may or may not be crossing. they’re all blurry, hazed by the imaginary sunshine of their little meadow and her happy place. “you feel like you belong in my pack where i can keep you safe.”
“well i rushed here as quickly as i could in my delicate state,” keung says, solemn as he can be with the smile still etched into his features. “thank you,” he offers in wake of the kiss to his finger, genuinely grateful to have the ghost of his (minor) pain scared off. if a blush touches the apples of his cheeks as well, keung doesn’t notice; warmed already by being tended to so carefully. it is a feeling that runs soul-deep— and the yellow at the center of his bandaid daisies seem to so perfectly represent that sentiment. if flowers could grow in hearts they would be flourishing in his. keung beams, a sun in his own right; the spitting image of a morning glory unfurled. “let me repay you with a coffee?”
coffee? did keung just invite him out for coffee?! there’s a one hundred percent chance that he’s over-reacting to the offer as his heart begins to rabbit in his chest and his smile spreads from ear to ear, even a little blush decorating his cheeks. and yet, he’s never been good at quelling his own excitement over the little things in life, and he will never try to either. there’s enough bad to go around already; he’ll let himself be happy about whatever the fuck makes him happy. and right now the thing making him happy is the concept of a coffee date with the crush of his dreams. “i’d love to have coffee with you, yeah. please?”
KAISKY: i still don’t know what labor day is exactly for, but i think weekends should last all week, so i’m for it i think
KAISKY: any excuse to get drunk on a sunday
PEACH: weekends lasting all week would mean the week never ended and we’d have only weekdays
PEACH: maybe if we made the word “week” mean 1 day, and the other 6 could be ends?
PEACH: since when have we needed an excuse 👀
since the confirmation of the hybrid’s involvement in the murder, elio’s felt on edge. he’s a sensitive soul even when there isn’t a potential war-starter skulking the streets of his home, his new york, so to expect him to deal with this news well was inconceivable. the upcoming meeting has him wary as well. whatever decisions are going to be made there must be serious if a ‘skip day’ is punishable by death (thus dashing his plans to play hooky with hunny). all-in-all, he hates it. he hates the politics, the tension, the threat. he hates that he feels guilty for seeing friends who are lycans and that he feels weak for abiding by the buddy system so stringently. he raises his gaze over at the vampire who is currently acting as his partner and offers a sympathetic frown and a shrug. somewhere in the back of his throat, there’s a nagging reminder of his constant thirst. it only makes him feel worse, self-imposed blood cleanse leaving him rather hollow and moody. “sorry i’m not the best company right now,” he hums lowly with headphones waiting around his neck in case they didn’t want to talk to him at all. “a lot to think about, i guess.”
being elio’s buddy for the evening is a more than welcome change of pace for jae. the new system has found him trapped inside the mansion most nights, unable to form a duo and not particularly wishing to break the rules. he has once or twice out of desperation, preferring that to the idea of approaching a random vampire to ask them for partnership. it’s all a little too much for him, but elio’s company is beyond the perfect compromise. especially so when he can sense something being so off with his love. “you are always the best company, elio,” he murmurs it soft, quiet, like a caress of words rather than a physical show. he isn’t opposed to physical displays either, but tonight he’s picking up on any cues he can and has decided to let his friend come to him should he want a cuddle. he knows he won’t hold back. “would you like to talk?” about it, or about anything else that might be weighing down his mood and his mind. jae is here to listen to any of it.
call it exhaustion— call it running into a phantom of a past they’ve tried so hard to run away from— call it a comedown, whatever the case, sometimes collapse is unavoidable. her closed door is an invitation without a lock so he saunters in without a knock of warning in a beeline for the bed. feet kick off their shoes as he crawls under the covers fully clothed without preamble.
“vi—” they say half into the pillow after they’ve made it to the other side. “—…” a sigh of an exhale is the only other explanation they give. even if they’d wanted to give the sorrow words finn wouldn’t; has never been one to divulge such things in any language even when he finds the right ones to do the job. violet knows without it, surely, the way they say her name; the way their soul-wavelengths coexist.
she can sense their presence before her door even opens, and she’d swear it’s nothing to do with the supernatural abilities gifted to her. it’s something entirely their own, owed to no one and nothing but herself and finn alone. there’s a power in that thought -- a deep energy that promises cities burning down to the ground with them standing by her side among the ashes, unharmed. they will never come to harm so long as she is around, and if she isn’t around then neither is finn. it’s mutual. they both know it.
“baby,” it’s such a soft greeting that falls from sleepy lips, the room cast in shadows and a cool pool of sheets entwined around her body for them to share. the feeling of finn climbing into the bed does not disturb the peace there, but rather completes it. even sensing their sorrow, she knows they are where they belong now. both of them. she adjusts her body, arms drawing finn’s into her and against her chest. there she will begin stroking their hair softly from their face, wordless as is her finn’s way. they do not need words right now.
the pout of his lip doesn’t even last the entirety of bai’s inspection, a smile splitting his face all too easy at the frown he is given. there is little else that delights him so much as how bai plays along. this game he plays serves as an excuse to seek the pleasantness bai’s company more so than it appeals to his love of adorable band-aids but that much seems obvious so he leaves it unsaid. keung feels the smallest sliver of guilt for the genuine worry he had caused the first time around and hopes gently outward that bai doesn’t think him too selfish for the regular occurrence. “uh-huh, it’s really just agony.” it is a feat that he keeps the smile from tipping over into his voice, leaving it deadpan where his face fails to be.
“my poor sweetheart... a second later and it might’ve been too late,” genuinely might have been too late, as it seems the cut would have healed entirely and keung would have nothing left to present to him at all. he guides keung’s hand up a little further, and he presses his lips against the now-barely-there mark, letting the kiss linger as he flicks his gaze up at the other. a momentary blush creeps across his cheeks, and he forces himself to break it with a smile. “let’s go for yellow, yeah? it feels like a sunny day today. we’ll chase the pain away somehow,” it’s a promise that comes with him kicking into action, rifling through his little bag until he can retrieve a pretty yellow bandaid with daisies on, inspecting and deciding it will be perfect for his keung.
he’s learned to grow his own ingredients. not like it’s hard – he plants some seeds, waters some plants and showers them with love. célian cares for his roses most – perhaps more than he cares for people. categorically more than he cares for people. they’re beautiful. they have a purpose. since his turning into a lycan, he has been struggling with thinking about what good humans actually bring to the world. there’s no reason for them to be here except to entertain his species, and the enemy’s. what an empty existence. no wonder they all feel so lost.
célian himself has gotten better in this respect. feeling more open, more like himself. nothing makes him more content than this, though. sitting among the rose bush, fingertips gliding over the petals of one. the corners of his mouth twitch. he usually comes alone, so when he feels another’s presence nearby, célian freezes, curious and prepared. nobody knows this particular little garden belongs to him. but he does know that it’s of interest. his flowers are beautiful. his love makes them so.
jae had stumbled upon this picturesque little plot of land a few weeks ago, immediately falling in love with his surroundings and feeling an overwhelming sense of home. once upon a time, he and his family had lived off the land surrounding them, and though he has not planted a single seed since the day he was shipped to america, he remembers those times fondly. he feels comfortable here, secluded and undisturbed in such a calming way that he’s found himself returning to the flowers and the leaves on a somewhat regular basis, always in the dead of night and with his notebook in hand, ready to scribble lines of poetry and journaling the beauty around him.
he had no idea the garden belonged to someone, but he’s beginning to suspect it now as he freezes in place, a statue in the shadows, and watches a lycan approach. there’s an air to the person that tells him they are intimately familiar with their surroundings, a strong appreciation and love for the plants here that is more than that of a visitor like himself. it feels as though the moment he is witnessing is private, like he should look away, and yet all he wants to do is write about it and the person he’s watching. quietly he attempts to get to his feet in a bid to leave unnoticed, but he hears the change in the lycan’s breathing, in their heart rate, as they instead become aware of his presence.
“sorry-- i didn’t mean to interrupt. i was just leaving.”
jae: is there anyone in particular you'd like to be closer to?
“zaiden. he’s done so much for me, but i feel as though i still don’t know him entirely. i’d like to change that. also elio said if there’s ever more than an inch between us, he wants to be closer, so him, too.” @bitcmrks @holylace
for everyone: what is your fondest memory and why?
bell: answered here uwu
bai: “i have a few, but they all sorta revolve around chance and sharing a drink together. it sounds really simple and i suppose it is, but in the moment it felt so special. he’s very special to me, and those moments in time were so important. each one felt like coming home.” @gamblingsea
violet: “i always have a soft spot for training pups. teaching them how to hunt and watching them play. it can be dangerous, and i have to be on guard to make sure they remain safe, but it is so so worth it to see them embrace who they are and enjoy it. i suppose it reminds me of a time when i shared a similar sense of freedom with my adoptive family, many, many moons ago.”
jae: “a memory question,” his sense of humour may be well hidden at times, but there’s something about this irony that makes him smile – slightly tainted, but a smile nonetheless. “i think waking up with the lycans once upon a time. it is extremely rare that i recall anything from my blackouts, but i remembered her. the leecher. i remembered the kindness she showed me during my stay, and the softness she was willing to share – perhaps because she never expected to see me again? i was a human then, no threat to her. i doubt she would look at me the same way now.” @onethrills
jae: do you consider yourself close to anyone? is it hard to get close?
“i’m closest to elio; i believe he may be the only one to consider a friend. perhaps i’ve been doing the whole befriending thing wrong, but yes it seems difficult. complicated. i’m lucky to have found him.” @holylace
( KIM HYOJONG. CIS MALE. ) Rumor has it that ( HU “JAE” SUNJAE ) has been spotted skulking around New York City streets recently. ( HE ) is a ( 58 ) year old ( VAMPIRE. ) They have a good reputation for being ( POETIC & GENTLE, ) but have also been known to be rather ( EERIE & RECLUSIVE. ) They’re known for being the ( OUTCAST. )
y’all know the drill by now. jae is a special baby to me and he’s kinda hard to explain so i’mma do my best….ヽ(◕﹏◕)ﾉ
E A R L Y L I F E .
sunjae was born to two adoring parents in a very small town in south korea. surrounded by forest and heavily wooded areas, the town’s population was as small as the homes themselves and everyone knew everyone. a community and a family.
as a child, jae would spend many summer days beside a small creek less than half a mile from his home, and always with his mother’s supervision or the supervision of another neighbouring parent. the forest was not something to fear, but rather a large playground filled with adventure and never ending exploration. however, this feeling left the small boy a little too comfortable with his surroundings and failed to instil the appropriate levels of caution for how dangerous wandering off alone could be.
the sun was beginning to set on another lovely summer’s day when jae’s mother turned her back for only a second, and a second was all that it took. jae was sure he had seen something in the trees, perhaps an animal or another child, and childlike curiosity had him following small glimpses that could just as easily have been the breeze bristling the trees.
by the time jae’s attention span ended, the little boy found himself in a part of the forest he did not recognise, and as he attempted to retrace his steps back towards his mother, he wound up getting himself lost deeper and deeper into the densely wooded miles that surrounded and engulfed his home.
every member of the town spent days upon days searching for the lost little boy, parents frantic as onlookers pitied the sight of their own nightmares coming true. no one could bear the loss of such a loved little boy, nor would they give up looking for him no matter how hopeless it seemed.
jae spent a total of six days and seven nights alone in the woods, hungry, bruised, battered, exhausted and petrified. it is unlikely he would have survived a single day longer, already sick from the “foods” he had attempted to forage from the forest itself, as well as the water he had drank from the creek each time their paths crossed.
more than the physical, jae’s experience had taken such a mental toll on the small boy that for weeks after he was stuck in his own head, seeing nothing but nightmares and creatures of the dark surrounding him. home did not look like home. his parents did not look like his parents. he did not speak a word, and he barely recognised a single one spoken to him. scared to death was no longer just a saying, but rather a reality to him. he knew the true meaning of such fear, and it felt like there was no recovering from such a thing.
months passed and his parents came to the haunting realisation that jae needed more help than they could provide. they did not have the funds nor the means to give their little boy the type of care he needed, nor could they fully understand what was going on in his head. it was with heartbreak and anguish that they decided to have jae sent to the states to live with his more affluent relatives there. his aunt, to be exact. from there he could see a myriad of psychologists, psychiatrists, hypnotherapists and more, trying desperately to rescue him from the dark depths of his own mind.
a little under a year after his initial disappearance, jae’s mind and memory went blank.
dissociative amnesia is the name of the condition he later came to learn. an illness rooted in the trauma he experienced, and his mind’s attempts and protecting itself whenever he felt triggered or unsafe. for hours, days, sometimes weeks at a time, jae would forget who he was, where he was from, and any other detail of his life. he would wander much like he did in the forest, dazed and confused and in need of constant supervision to keep him safe from harm.
this condition followed him into adulthood, though the episodes thankfully became fewer and further between as his mind matured enough to not see danger in the smallest of things.
what also followed him into teenagehood and then adulthood, was the stigma attached to the reclusive young boy who hardly ever spoke, never interacted with other children, and came with a rather... creepy vibe. he was the child in the neighbourhood that no parent wanted their own to befriend, warning them off of the boy before he even had a chance to form a connection. people could not understand his illness or the way he acted, and ignorance led them to be fearful of it instead.
jae became the boy that whispers followed, but who could turn a room to silence simply by entering. if a local pet went missing, his aunt’s door would be near bashed in with people accusing jae of playing a part -- in hurting the small creature. his anxieties were mistaken for much darker, dangerous motivations, and it seemed everyone and their momma knew how to diagnose a sociopath 101. it was as if the entire town was waiting for his face to be plastered across the newspapers as america’s newest serial killer.
but none of that was true.
jae was, and is, a gentle soul. whilst he maintained his ‘creepy’ vibes, lurking in the shadows and scribbling into his notebooks rather than socialising or making an effort to seem (for lack of a better word) normal, he also maintained his soft, sweet and childlike innocence. trapped in his head as a lost little boy, he hid away not out of a distaste for people, but rather a fear too many noises, too many colours, too many bodies and people. he grew to accept his role as the outcast, not even blinking an eye when he was used as the butt of every high school joke, prank or dare.
S U P E R N A T U R A L .
at the age of twenty-five, jae’s aunt had become too old to keep a constant watch over her now-adult nephew. when he would disappear for days at a time, she had to accept that this would forever be a part of their lives and that all she could do now was sit back and pray for his safe return.
this time, however, his return never came.
jae initially had stumbled into a pack of lycans. he was still human at the time, and he was entirely lost and clueless as to where or how he had met this group of people. when asked his name, he was unable to answer, and somewhere along the way he had lost, been scammed or robbed of any identification he may of had on his person. the pack’s leecher took him in for a few nights, aware that he would be a prime victim for the local vampires’ snacking desires. it didn’t seem as though anyone was looking for him or would worry after his disappearance, and perhaps this leecher was a little softer on this human than she should have been.
when he finally came to, remembering his identity and to whom he belonged, the kind leecher was nowhere in sight. fully intent on coming back to her after he had found a payphone to alert his aunt to his well-being, jae never reached his destination nor found his way back.
he doesn’t remember much of what happened, just pain and the scent of blood filling his senses and leaving him queasy. he was sure he would die that day, and in some ways he did.
coming to as a vampire was eerily similar to coming to from an episode, left trying to fill in the blanks of his memory and put together the pieces of his life. things had changed, no longer able to return to his home and to his aunt, yet somehow they still felt the same. he was still cursed to stay in the shadows, the be nothing but a silent threat that left a chill down every human’s spine, but now he actually was the monster they had all pegged him to be.
for years he has lived a solitary life, feeding on animals whenever possible and pushing his body to the extremes of starvation before feeding on a human.
if he could have his way, he would never feed again, but he’s learned from experience that pushing too far and going too long without indulging brings his mind back to a place where he cannot bear to let it go, and he will wake after a blackout with blood staining his lips and no memory of who it belongs to or where he has been.
T L ; D R .
lost boy grows up to be creepy outcast boy.
spends his life scribbling in his notebook, writing poems & composing songs.
gentle giant!!!!!!!
big time loner who is as scared of himself as he is everyone else at this point.
Dane wants. It’s the sudden, overwhelming type of want that he would’ve given into instantly, once upon a time, but that he swallows down as bitterly as he feels it now. He can’t. He can’t reach out and take Bell’s face in his hands. He can’t kiss his sorrows away, kiss his tears away, hold him until he’s not sad anymore. He’s lost that privilege, and he thinks of the pseudo-commitment he’s made to Namil, the knowledge that he would break his heart if he ever did anything like that. God, he doesn’t want to do that, but God, his throat is closing up tight, and there’s nothing that can be done about it either. His blinks away the flood suddenly in his own eyes, and he wraps his arm around Bell to draw him tight into his embrace. Lifting his chin, Dane rests it on the crown of Bell’s head, keeping him tucked in underneath it, against his collarbones. This is the extent of what he can offer him, and it feels so good he lets a tear slip out and roll down his eyes.
Dark eyes drift shut, and Dane draws in a shaky breath, wanting to explain more, but having to find the correct words before he does so. It takes a few, long moments. “I loved you with my whole heart, Bell. With everything in me. I still do.” He didn’t just let it go, it didn’t just disappear, and maybe it has to be a different kind of love, but that doesn’t mean it’s not still there. It is. He’s his sire, and they are family in more ways than just one, and he can’t let that go no matter what. “I’m sorry.” It comes out on a whisper, ringing true in its sincerity, and he swallows thickly past the lump in his throat that makes it nigh impossible to have his voice work correctly. He really does love him. He does, he does, he does. He needs bell to know it, no matter what.
bell’s tears feel like ice as they roll down his cheeks, carving a path that leaves him shivering despite the heat. he’s aching, throbbing in a way that leaves him feeling hollow, as if the entire contents of his being have been scooped out and taken, tugged and pulled apart until he’s nothing but a shell left on the sidewalk, crying beside the man he once believed to be his forever. he hates himself for it, a little. for being so weak. for being so vulnerable. for having contents at all, or allowing anyone close enough to fuck with them again. he’s been broken and bruised so many times, and people say that bones grow back stronger, but he’d like to disagree. he’s never felt as weak as he’s spent the last year feeling, completely out of control and lost in a way that he’s never experienced before in all of his years. this was more. this hit in a way that he can’t even begin to explain, nor would he try. he hates himself for not having gotten back up on his feet, not having patched himself together enough to not be crying now.
hearing that dane loved him, loves him, doesn’t quite hold the same soothing qualities he had been hoping for. the but hangs so heavily in the air between them that he can barely breathe past it, suffocated and pinned by it all at once. dane doesn’t say it, but he hears it anyway. he knows that things have changed, even if he can’t yet pinpoint how. another lover, perhaps? another promise, another ribbon, another string that’s stronger than the ones he’s tangled himself up into with dane. something else. something more. he should have expected that. bell’s life has been on hold since he was changed, but dane’s has not. dane has had time to move on, to change and to grow into something that isn’t them. it’s a bitter pill to swallow, but he feels a certain sort of resolution settle inside of him as he does. he brushes the final tears away, and he takes the deepest breath his lungs can manage without shuddering in response.
couldn’t a girl just catch a breath and enjoy a good book, without getting poked and dragged into a conversation by a stranger? she had stalked out into the night because she was so sure she wouldn’t get to socialise. nevertheless, she sighed and closed her book shut and turned to face the source. she nodded along to him, she herself had never liked summer, and always did think it was better at night than the day, but she was sure he had other much more serious reasons to dislike the sun than her.
“go play some board games?” she shrugged, suggesting a light-hearted way to deal with being indoors. she looked up into the sky, “pity we won’t see much now, considering light pollution,” she squinted.
“i fear i may go a little insane if i play board games all day, every day. especially alone. but i will keep your advice in mind,” he smiles, leaning back on his palms and gazing at her through his peripheral. “yes, it is a shame. comforting to know they are still there, at least,” hidden away beneath the city lights, they’re still burning strong. constant. the same set of stars he gazed at as a small child, and the same he gazed at again in london, his only true home.
“may i ask what book it is that you are reading? i am sorry if i interrupted you.”
a lot of being a lycan involved a learning curve for trixie, but there were some things she had taken to rather quickly. recognizing the feeling that she got when a vampire was near her was one of them. still, it didn’t bother her the way that it might have alarmed some of the older lycans - for trixie, different didn’t mean bad unless someone made it that way. as such, she doesn’t object when the vampire takes a seat on the bench next to her, and listens as he bemoans the length of summer days. personally she had enjoyed summer growing up - it meant no school for stephen and richard, so she was more likely to have playmates when she returned from ballet. as she got older, she preferred summer for different reasons - the cold of winter wasn’t good for her spinal pain. “tell me about it,” trixie groans with a roll of her eyes, tapping at the skin in the crease of her eye to check and see if her makeup had smudged since she stepped outside. “you a constellations fan?” she asks conversationally, tilting her head up to look at the sky, relishing in the breeze that blows across the nape of her neck when her ponytail swings back. “i never had time to really look into it, but i always thought space was super interesting growing up.”
“growing up i never knew the correct names for them, but i would seek them out whenever possible and recognise them in my own way,” he admits, an almost fond smile curling the corners of his lips. it’s a shame that here in the city the stars seem to be hiding more and more each night, as though they are too shy to burn bright against the city lights. “i began truly learning them as i grew older, but i suppose we now have all the time in the world to learn, do we not?” it feels as daunting as it does inviting, a concept that makes his head spin and his eyes close to block out the sky, lest he lose himself to it entirely. he feels as though he could lose a lifetime to the stars. he has already lost a lifetime of sun. “your makeup looks perfect, by the way. flawless.”
