I don’t know why I constantly feel so lonely , like I have friends and I talk to them all throughout the day. I’ve stopped hanging out with them as a group though because it’s just overwhelming and I end up sitting alone being too scared to approach anyone. It might just be paranoia but most of the time I feel like none of them want to be around me when I’m in the group, I’m good with one on one though and I can talk to someone for hours. I hang out with people a lot but I still feel lonely , it’s different from the normal loneliness I feel when I’m genuinely alone it’s just kind of this feeling that if I wasn’t there they’d all be happier. After hang outs I just feel a sense of almost shame that I would make them hang out with me , I feel like a horrible friend and in general I don’t know how to get better. Even when I try to be more social and a better friend I just end up giving up after a bit because I can’t keep up a conversation with a group.
Another issue I have is none of them know really anything about my actual mental state besides from the parts I express with jokes. I almost feel like I act like a different person with every other person and every group, it’s getting exhausting to keep up but I would feel like a fraud if I where just to randomly change how I behave completely. I’ve been honest to very few people about my issues and even with those few people I’ve always had a joking undertone that even I can recognise in myself. It’s just a constant back and towards of me wanting and needing help but having an inability to express my irritation without feeling like an attention seeker and a fraud for not acting like this when we met.
I find it ironic how easily I can express myself to a bunch of strangers online but can’t even ask my friends for help.
amandla
theartofmadeline
titsay
2087
ellievsbear
