monch monch

Chris. Christian, Wife, Mama. Chrispy and Cronchy are the names of my two braincells.

[chrispy-cronchy]

Dracula girlies (gender-neutral?), recommend to me a gift-worthy edition.

[kragehund-est]

did it ever occur to you that the weird bug in charge of the night time could be a woman? or are you a misogynist

[baddadjokez]

What do you call a mysterious condiment

saucepicous

[mumintroll]

[shitter]

absolute gold on Reddit today

[biggest-gaudiest-poltergeist]

as a younger person I'd sometimes get overwhelmed with the violence of the world, not just human violence but the violence done to animals and by animals, the innate violence of being an animal. because an animal is, by definition, an organism that must consume other organisms to live. and this would lodge in my spiraling young adult mind, the tragedy that to live, to be a creature, is to cause harm. that life is sustained by consuming life.

eventually I got older (and medicated), but in the meantime spending time in woodland really helped. it comforted me to be around plantlife, which feeds not on life but on sunlight, and therefore causes no harm.

anyway now I'm reading The Hidden Life Of Trees by Peter Wohlleben (incredible book) and it turns out that was a big fat LIE. forests are violent as FUCK

[biggest-gaudiest-poltergeist]

life as a tree is fucking BRUTAL. ok no they don't actually eat each other (well, not until they've been broken down and digested by microorganisms first) but competition is FIERCE. sunlight and water are finite resources. survival rates are dismal. a tree can release a million seeds in a lifetime and have only one offspring live to maturity. some species evolved ways of stealing sunlight from trees who got there first, bidding their time as a sapling then shooting out from under older canopies to hog as as much light as possible. next-door neighbors? fuck em, let em starve.

then you get shit like epiphytes that decided to just grow on top of other plants. strangler fig vines, for instance, which decided well fuck, im just gonna cling to this tree trunk and let it do the support work. maybe entangle our roots and envelope my host completely over time. oopsie my host died? that's ok I'll just cling to its corpse for eternity

equally horrifying is the honeysuckle, which preys on young trees boa-constrictor style, squeezing the life out of saplings, which grow with permanent deformities before dying prematurely (makes for a neat walking stick though)

then you get out and proud parasites like mistletoe who are happy to attach themselves to tree canopies and suck their blood extract water and nutrients. so yeah some plants do eat each other actually. gives ya some perspective on the old christmas tradition of hunting mistletoe with guns (yes that's a thing, shooting them down out of trees like squirrels. yes, unlike squirrels they deserve it). as for the romance angle, who doesn't want to kiss a lover beneath the dying corpse of a parasitic trophy kill? sexy as heck.

in conclusion, PLANTS ARE VIOLENT AS FUCK, and that's not even getting into the eternal chemical warfare they are forced to wage against insects, fungi, microbes and other enemies.

one day soon the forests will turn on us, and when that day comes I'm cheerfully betraying humanity and skipping away to cross enemy lines 🫡

kofi

[biggest-gaudiest-poltergeist]

to those who thought this post was heading in a heartwarming direction, i do NOT apologize and i DO hope the forest and its creeping mycelium tendrils crawl their way into your nightmares

[theriu]

For as popular as the idea of a "hivemind" is we never talk about how it doesn't exist in nature. There's no animal colony that connects and controls all its members through a psychic connection. Even bees, the eponimous hivemind, communicate by pheremones and, more importantly, interpretive dance. My point is when are we going to get a movie about an intensely organized alien race that mainly communicates via sick dance moves, why are we sleeping on this.

[official-bee-posts]

Official sick dance move mind post 🐝 💃

[a-simple-gremlin]

Supervising a small child will have you unlocking feats of athleticism you never dreamed possible

[clowniconography]

this is one of the more creative hate comments i've seen and i felt the need to immortalize it

[ranni-thewitch]

divert all power to the funk engine

[puppygirllaika]

a single, solitary, earth-shattering note thunders across the battlefield like a tsunami.

[typezerostudios]

You can see the power of music shining in his eyes.

[alientitty]

💀

[spazzbot]

I don’t say this often, but you really should unmute and listen to the song



[arizona-green-tea-absolutist]

@duckbilleddictatorship

[chrispy-cronchy]

We're going to Book Barn in a couple weeks, but I'm only allowed to spend up to $20 and only on Great Books and such. (Need some Plato and such.)

Maybe if I'm lucky, I can get plenty for under $10 and find some children's lit still. Maybe. I'm not allowed to go there because I'd just cry at books I want but shouldn't get. Lol

[apoemaday]

Sea-Fever

by John Masefield

I must go down to the seas again, to the lonely sea and the sky, And all I ask is a tall ship and a star to steer her by; And the wheel’s kick and the wind’s song and the white sail’s shaking, And a grey mist on the sea’s face, and a grey dawn breaking.

I must go down to the seas again, for the call of the running tide Is a wild call and a clear call that may not be denied; And all I ask is a windy day with the white clouds flying, And the flung spray and the blown spume, and the sea-gulls crying.

I must go down to the seas again, to the vagrant gypsy life, To the gull’s way and the whale’s way where the wind’s like a whetted knife; And all I ask is a merry yarn from a laughing fellow-rover, And quiet sleep and a sweet dream when the long trick’s over.

[ferrralit]

[whitedogblog]

Heathers of Pentlands, Scotland

[boomer-mythology-destroyer]

[0ttozgotagun]

His camo pattern for pants/jacket is incorrectly opposite of his nearby environment.

[the-perfect-wagnerite-again]

You're gonna feel mighty foolish when he sneaks up on you by walking on his hands

[usamirenko]

 nourishes it

keeps it warm

fills it with love

fills it with rice

refills sanity bar

grants it a blessing

[russsiawave]

[postilionstruckbylightning]

I don’t like how you put these two photos together, as if to imply that the dumplings with the paw print have anything to do with this sweet, innocent angel who has never done anything wrong.