scenarios Alfred Pennyworth has to be a witness to as a resident of Wayne Manor that the batkids have absolutely no shame in front of whatsoever part 23 (masterpost here)
Steph, wandering into the kitchen: hey, Alfie, B says you're doing a grocery shop later today, can i add tampons to the list of stuff for the patrol supplies?
Alfred, glancing over from polishing silverware: of course, Miss Brown. perhaps you'd like to add it to the list on the fridge?
Steph: hm-? oh, yeah, thanks.
Tim, working on his laptop at the kitchen island: the fuck do you need tampons for patrol?
Steph: *squints at him* well i sure as fuck ain't doing it in a pad? do you know how unsafe i would feel?!
Tim, raising an eyebrow: why do you need anything? doesn't it all stop once you start swinging around?
Alfred: *pauses, slowly turns his head to stare into the side of Tim's skull*
Tim: it's like swimming right? you start jumping around and moving a lot and your body recognises that you don't want to bleed, so it stops the flow until you settle down.
Steph, keeping her face impressively straight: ...yes. it is- *throat clear* that is why that happens, you're right, it does usually stop on patrol. but- *thinking intensely* i... got a scratch on my thigh... earlier... and it keeps bleeding, has all day. so i'm kinda worried that blood coming out of my thigh will confuse my body, because of- *bites lip* because of the close proximity. and i think it might decide that since my thigh is bleeding that it should just keep all the other flows going as well, so i'm just- i'm just making sure. to be careful.
Alfred: *slowly turns to stare at Steph instead*
Tim: ok i guess that makes sense.
Steph, once Tim turns back to his laptop: *gleefully punches the air*
Tim, eyes narrowing: wait,
Steph, the face of innocence: hm?
Tim: how come your body can stop the period blood but not the thigh blood?
Steph: oh. well, that's just a 'me' issue, really. i've never been that good at the whole blood-bending thing.
Alfred: *closes eyes in resignation*
Tim: blood-bending- what?
Steph: blood-bending? the- you know all girls can control their blood flow, right? that's why Avatar only showed women water-benders learning how to blood-bend. because it was already a thing irl.
Tim, dubious: ok now you're fucking with me.
Steph, narrowing eyes in confusion: no? dude, i'm being completely serious, did you- how did you not know about this? that's how we control our periods, man. all females have a slight innate ability to bend their own blood. it's just that the extent to which we can varies from person to person and day to day. i've always been kinda weak with it, so i guess that's my bad. Babs has always been pretty good at it, though.
Dick, walking in: 'sup, kiddies. Babs is good at what?
Steph: i was just telling Tim about how all women can blood-bend and that's how they control their periods. can you believe the health education program at his school failed so badly he didn't know?!?
Dick, turning to Tim: yeah Babs was always really good at it.
Dick, without a hint of humor: 100%. anyway i gotta go, see you guys later.
Steph, perking up: oh, can i get a ride actually? i need a new jacket.
Damian, wandering in as Dick and Steph leave: Pennyworth, Jason is requesting he be alerted when you go to the store so he can accompany you.
Alfred, blinking: ...oh- yes, that sounds lovely, i'll be sure to let him know.
Tim, curiously: hey Dami, did you know that women can blood-bend, and that's how they turn off their periods when they go swimming?
Damian, plain: you're a fucking idiot.
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