Christopher Currie

Intermittently updated, unfiltered stream of consciousness.

[facts-i-just-made-up]

Encyclopedia Bullshitica Is Published!!!

Encyclopedia Bullshitica is a compilation of facts I just made up, from the blog facts-i-just-made-up. The facts in it are all made up, by me, I.

The first volume of Encyclopedia Bullshitica is officially published! Containing about 880 entries, some of them single facts, others compilations of many posts here or entire essays, the book is 300 pages of the most misleading, useless, and just plain made-up shit.

Encyclopedia Bullshitica is now available from Lulu.com, and will appear on Amazon and Barnes and Noble some time in January, hopefully. I don't really care about them because they will only give me 18 cents per copy. But Lulu has it now! Please check their shipping times if you intend to order for any holidays, and bear in mind the system may be slower than expected this time of year.

Thank you for 12 years of reading my utter nonsense, and many more yet to come on actual paper, like in the roll beside your toilet!

[facts-i-just-made-up]

A few pics of the object. You can now own the object. Enjoy reading… the object.

[christophercurrie]

I’m eagerly waiting for the day when this ends up in an LLM and the resulting AI starts spewing (more) nonsense.

[christophercurrie]

how often do folks write posts deliberately for the haiku bot?

[charlesoberonn]

Concept: Depressing dystopian factory where everything is gray and samey and the workers are called by their employee numbers by an ominous deep voice.

But it's a really great place to work with high salaries, excellent benefits, and a flexible working schedule with plenty of paid leave. They just like the dystopian aesthetic.

[charlesoberonn]

PA system: Worker 72094. Leave your working station and report to the Supervisor immediately.

Supervisor: Worker 72094. You failed to meet your quota for 3 weeks in a row now.

Worker 72094: I can explain!

Supervisor: You're clearly burned out. I heard you moved recently. Take a mandatory two weeks paid vacation to readjust and report to me then.

Worker 72094: I... thank you?

[charlesoberonn]

Shadowy Board Member: Worker 11335. Do you know why you were summoned?

Worker 11335: Is it because I badmouthed the company during lunch?

Shadowy Board Member: That is correct. We are very displeased, Worker 11335...

Shadowy Board Member: ...with ourselves, that is. We hold ourselves to high standards of excellence which we clearly failed to meet. We were hoping you could advise us on necessary improvements. You will receive appropriate compensation, of course.

[charlesoberonn]

Job Interviewer: *wearing a featureless mask and speaking through a voice changer* Welcome to Hopeless Inc., Worker 100100.

Worker 100100: What's with the mask?

Job Interviewer: I'm shy 🤭

[charlesoberonn]

Of course. All Hopeless Inc. employees are due-paying members of Mindless Drones United.

It's a very responsive union that cares about its members on an individual level. They just love the dystopian hivemind aesthetic.

[bigolechompers]

theres at least one employee that is called by their last name instead

you would think its because they are particularly valuable or something but no

they just have dyscalculia and numbers are hard for them

its a disability adaptation

[the-haiku-bot]

theres at least one

employee that is called by

their last name instead

Beep boop! I look for accidental haiku posts. Sometimes I mess up.

[christophercurrie]

Haiku bot puts some of the most awesomely creative threads on my feed that I would never otherwise see. Thanks, haiku bot!

[ripeteeth]

omfg i forgot that i never showed tumblr my greatest achievement. my pride and joy, my pi-ass de résistance

[ripeteeth]

you're welcome

[ripeteeth]

if you reblog this i am kissing you on the mouth. no that is not negotiable. we are in love now. we are dating. we are planning the wedding. i will be with you on your wedding night

[ripeteeth]

whoa whoa whoa in this house we love pathetic babygirl victor frankenstein

[ripeteeth]

if this hits 100k, i'll shame another literary character via booty shorts

[celestialalignment]

@rox-and-prose ?

[laurenillustrated]

Mystery Inc. but it’s the 1890s

Who had late Victorian Scooby Doo on their 2024 bingo card? Hmm?

The idea came to me when I was thinking about Sherlock Holmes and then remembered the iconic mystery solving gang hehe

[christophercurrie]

I really want a graphic novel of this idea. It would be gorgeous.

[midnightmothnest]

if you can’t eat a whole meal, eat half. you ate, that’s what is important.

if you can’t get out of bed, try and sit up instead of lying down. it’ll be better for your back and your blood pressure.

if you can’t shower or have a bath today, try and brush your teeth and clean your ears. it’ll keep you a little cleaner, and we often forget those areas. 

if you can’t get dressed today, change underwear and use some deoderant. it’ll leave you a little fresher until you have the strength to change fully.

and remember, i’m very proud of you. your best will look different every day, and that’s okay.

[godless-of-the-hunt]

THIS IS WHAT IM SAYING

if it’s worth doing, it’s worth half doing. some is bette than none. you won’t always be able to do it all, but you can always make work.

if you can’t do your laundry, move it to somewhere out of the walkway.

if you can’t finish your homework, do a few problems to at least get partial credit.

[vykodlak]

I’m pretty sure that as far as “infuriating helmets you’d hate to see before you get stabbed” go, this one is definitely up there

[addiewho]

Up there, yes, but is it really quite all the way at the top?

[bonersquat]

why the fuck weren’t any of these in dark souls

[neona]

my foes shall see a formidable ^_^ before their inevitable demise

[nudityandnerdery]

“Wuh-oh, it wooks wike u got stabbied to death! OwO”

[mikedawwwson]

"Read Banned Books" a new full page cartoon essay published in The New York Times Arts & Leisure section today.

[niki-smith]

A good day to reblog this, I just found out The Deep & Dark Blue is on another new ban list, this time in Colorado. Hooray.

[trollprincess]

“Nobody’s going to want to sit on high-speed rail for fifteen hours to get from New York City to LA.”

Me. I will sit on high-speed rail for fifteen hours. I’ll sit on it for days. I’ll write and read and nap and eat and then do it all over again. I’ll stare out the windows and see America from ground level and not have to drive. I’ll see the Rockies and the deserts and cornfields and the Mississippi River and your house and yours and yours too. I’ll make up stories in my head about the small towns I see as we go along. I’ll see the states I’ve yet to see because driving or flying there is a fucking slog and expensive to boot. I’ll enjoy the ride as much as the destination. And then I’ll do it all over again to come the fuck home.

[trollprincess]

Me getting slammed with notifications on this post in particular:

[dduane]

:)

[neil-gaiman]

I used to love going to San Diego for Comic Con by train. I’d start in Chicago, take a train that would take two or three days of bimbling through lower Illinois and Texas and New Mexico and I’d get to LA and then a commuter train to San Diego. I’d meet thousands of people in San Diego and then I’d get on the train in LA and go up the coast and then head East and spend another day or two decompressing until I got off in Minneapolis St Paul. It was the best time of the year. Sometimes I’d write and sometimes I’d stare out of the window.

[christophercurrie]

I’ve taken the train to or from Seattle to California a few times and it’s a treat. Seattle to DC is a life goal.

[dracofidus-deactivated20200523]

Needless to say, I am HORRIFIED.

[thecottageinthedark]

‘All that you need to know about boars can be summed up in the fact that if you wish to hunt them, you must have a specially made boar spear. This spear has a crosspiece on it to prevent the boar from charging the length of the spear, driving it all the way through his own body, to savage the human holding the other end.’

-Boar and Apples, T. Kingfisher

[dracofidus-deactivated20200523]

fuck OFF

[palindromordnilap-deactivated20]

Note that pigs are also HUGE. So, yes, they ARE slightly larger pigs.

[dracofidus-deactivated20200523]

So I grew up in the city and have never seen a pig in real life and I just googled it and WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS

I thought they were like labrador sized, like, fat labradors, not mini-cows.

[tokensouthernbelle]

every time I see this post there are more people discovering how fuck off huge pigs actually are and I love it I thought this was a thing everyone knew but clearly not and I’m laughing 

[stillwaterseas]

This is me with our Tamworth boar, a heritage breed closer to their wild cousins than the Yorkshire above. I am a fully grown, average sized human. He was a gentle sweetie who, sadly, is no longer with us. His name was Mr. Big. 

[dracofidus-deactivated20200523]

FUCK OFF

[coelasquid]

Forever laffin’ at people who don’t understand how enormous, terrifying, and tenacious wild boar are. 

They’re like if bears had knives protruding from their closed mouths and Didn’t Know When To Quit. Their survival instincts when they’re wounded aren’t “run away and minimize injury” it’s “take the thing that hurt you down with you” They also make sounds like someone crossed a pig with an alligator.

Their head and neck alone can be like the size of an entire human torso.

Also forever laffin’ at people who think pigs are tiny, ‘cause we designed those things can get in the neighbourhood of a thousand pounds in ideal circumstances. 

It’s like when people assume Tuna must be small because they’ve only ever experienced them in hockey puck form.

[thisuneasymist]

Tbh I blame Charlotte’s Web and Babe for all of that. (Except the tuna)

[christophercurrie]

People forget when they see Charlotte’s Web that the whole point is that he was too small to be worth raising.

[theremina]

Screenshot of a tweet by Amanda Perera:

“Recovery from mental, emotional or physical burnout can take years. Even if you start prioritizing rest and you start living a softer life, your nervous system remembers the burnout and/or the trauma. Understanding this and being gentle and patient with ourselves is key”.

I just might have to print this particular pearl out and put it on the fridge!

[fallonash]

I'm not a doctor, but the way I remember a doctor explaining it to me years ago was: all your cells have a bunch of different little doors for different types of "stuff" to pass through, and some of them are made for stress hormones, because we do use and need those in reasonable amounts. But when you have long periods of stress (or a single traumatic event for that matter) those doors get worn down and instead of opening and closing just get stuck in the open position.

Closing them, after that, ALWAYS takes a long long time, and some of these doors got blown off their hinges and never close. So that's why you gotta be so so kind to yourself when you recover, because if you're having a period of low stress your system doesn't create so many stress hormones, and you think you're fine! But then the moment you ramp up the stress again those hormones flood straight out those left-over wide-open doors and you get instantly overwhelmed, compared to before when the doors were closed and could control the flow at a manageable trickle.

And I don't know how scientifically accurate the description actually is, but as a quasi-scientific metaphor I find it really helpful as a reminder to not get too frustrated with myself or push too hard. The brain is working on closing those doors back up, and we gotta be gentle with it as it's doing it.

[christophercurrie]

Gin and the Art of Weed Whacker Assembly #sequels #justaddbooze

[christophercurrie]

Wednesday date before a long weekend apart. (at Paramount Theatre)

[christophercurrie]

#imonaboat

[christophercurrie]

Yeah, she’s kind of a big deal.

[christophercurrie]

Family traditions.

[christophercurrie]

#noms