Hi, this may seem random but I need someone to talk to about this (besides my therapist.) I'm getting top surgery next month but I am so fucking scared. I've never had any kind of surgery before and I'm having to go abroad to get the surgery. I'll have a friend with me to help with recovery but I'm so scared I'll get to the hospital and just break down out of fear and want to leave. But I need this surgery. Dysphoria is so bad I don't leave the house anymore. I quit my uni course it was that bad. Any advice would be greatly appreciated
Well, what do you think you are afraid of, and how can you mitigate that?
Bad results?
Show the surgeon examples of what you want, discuss how much tissue to leave, size and position of nipples & scars, anything else you can think of. Don't be afraid to be specific!
After surgery, give yourself time. Follow all surgical instructions and keep your scars protected. Talk with your care team on when you can start massage and silicone strips.
Being naked?
This is their day job -- surgeons have seen it all. What they don't see enough of is kind and polite patients. Be nice, be engaged, ask for stuff when you need it, say thank you, and they'll love you.
Going under?
Modern anesthesia is pretty damned cool. You will go out like a light and suddenly you will be in the recovery room. Tell the nurses in advance you are anxious and if they can give you anything there - usually they do in your IV.
Transphobia from your care team?
In general, medical providers who offer gender affirming care are pretty stoked to do this stuff, given the astronomically high positive impact it has on patients. They really love seeing how much happier we are.
The pain?
Be honest about your pain when you are still in the hospital. Make sure you take your meds on time. The worst of the pain is pretty brief - I was at a" 7" when I woke up around noon, and by dinner later that eve, I just wanted to eat a cheeseburger.
You can reduce recovery pain by having a comfortable place to sleep, minimizing big movements, and keeping your drains (if any) clipped to a neck lanyard so they don't get snagged on anything. Be prepared to check even carry-on luggage for your flight home.
Imo, most of your experience is going to be tightness, itching, and general discomfort/fatigue. Recovery will likely be more annoying than actually painful.
Feeling gross?
Imo, not being able to shower was the worst. Get yourself some fun lounge clothes. Have a supply of face wash and washcloths. Get a haircut right before surgery.
Post-anesthesia depression?
This is a thing for a lot of people, so be prepared. Have a bunch of comfort media queued up and other distractions, especially friends to chat with. Journaling is also useful.
Recovery in general?
Prep your living space to make your life easier. Move things down from high shelves and cabinets. Do big loads of laundry and other big chores now. Meal prep. If you have to reach something like a microwave, have a stepstool ready.
Here's my own recovery blog, if that helps.
Imo, the dysphoria and fear can get super intense right before surgery. My dysphoria spiked like crazy. But the pain and discomfort are so, so brief compared to a lifetime of feeling aligned in your own body.
Think about all the things that will change for the better - less layers in the summer, more freedom for swimming/sports/outdoor activities, etc.
