Lady Day...you were so beautiful and so dark. There was nothing that could ever bring me to tears like your strange fruit did. No matter how long or hard the days, I could count on you to sing it all into perspective. Which brings me to the topic at hand: Perspectives,Perception, and Passion. (Ok...Chula we're listening) Great, on we go! What really holds weight to you? Does money? Status? Perhaps the notion of unconditional love in a very conditional world? Do you often have this burst of energy after a long brainstorm about the to-do's and not to-do's in your life? Or how about you get the gumption to fly but realize everyone will either laugh at your attempts to take flight or someone will have to preen your wings for you?
I started out a fairly long time ago chasing a pipe dream. I wanted and still want to be a singer/songwriter/actress. Most say that's not something they'd want to admit to themselves, although our aspirations rarely are fit for the cookie cutter life plan. What I mean by that is there is no way to clearly, and finitely determine where in the fuck you will land if you dive head first into anything. It is most certainly cause for effect and the means will meet some sort of definite end at some point. You, the individual that decided to embark on this little tryst will just have the bare the effect. It (insert your dream here) can do one of three things: 1) wither and die with your aging mind 2) flourish under hard work, sweat and determination to see it to the end or my fave 3) it can implode for lack of passion on your part and you will have worked all that culo off for....nada
So what is it with non commitment? What causes us as humans to desire so much out of life that we chicken out at the first sign of light? What is there to fear so badly that we talk ourselves out of the race, the party or the plan? Who is it that blocks the way? Well my disillusioned friends....it's you. Me included but mainly you. Yeah, stop looking at the screen crazy sir/madam. In the words of my late Lillie Mae ahem "I'm talkin' to yo ass" Doesn't giving up on everything that matters to you in that moment ever get frustrating? Pshhh, duh yeah it does. I get annoyed at myself on a daily basis when I pussy foot about a fucking great idea FYI and only let it dwindle into a slow miserable poof of nothingness. So....what the hell right? Do it already, jah-zus! Yeeah it's uh easy to say that to others but not to oneself.
Oh now don't read me wrong now ok? I love to bask in the moment of some new poem I wrote, or a new painting or drawing. I love to look at my paycheck and pump my fist like I'm at a block party with some of that ummm hmm in my cup. Or even when I do a rocking head of hair, it's glorious!!! But how do you generate a happiness from these moments? How do you fall inlove with yourself over and over again enough to realize your own potential is not being fully tapped? Not saying that we're all manchurian Mariah's or some shit but we all are increible in our own little way. I believe it,sure why not? Why not have some faith in my own abilities, even if I was told that I'm too fat, or dark or talk white or blah blah blah...
So the fuck what? Exactly, so the fuck what? Or that I curse entirely too much for anyone to take me seriously. Oh yeah? Oh ok, you can kiss my ass too. I'm young, for now. No kids, no hubby and even if I had all of that would I stop to be a stepford wife? Ummm that'll be a No with a F infront of it. I'm an Aries baby, you may not be and that's cool too. The stars like it or not are relevant, so deal with it. I rock and I suck at times,but I am also worth the fight. I am worth the love and the effort. I matter and so do you. My dreams matter and so does yours. Ms. Holiday sang us an important lesson about life. Even when she wasn't on the up and up and had her drug issues. She said "Can't you see...the...detour ahead?" And by golly wow, I've seen it. You did too. You were just busy playing it safe and wound up stuck in traffic, listening to the smooth sounds of loneliness and boredom. Albeit safe, it is lonely and boring and that man or woman you've been flying high with in your memories is where you really want to be..
Damn playing it safe, so what...you can be 80 and say to your great grands (best old fart voice here)"yes....i....sureee...did....play ..it safe...and i don't recall....a....goddamn...thing" Whomp,whomp. Be like my granddad and have a story to tell!!!! Love or lust whoever you want right now, go ahead, go! Will you have regrets...of course. Will you hurt people....of course but was it intentionally or did you simply decide that you wanted to be free and live out loud and live without doubt?
Amigos, I would never encourage you to be outright jerks, nah. I encourage or rather implore you to live the life you want to live that is in peace with those you feel are worthy. I know we've got hard decisions to make, but that's why they're decisions and not necessarily options on an app. So listen to some of Ms. Holiday's melodic tunes...hear the difference in a gift and a studio hit. Decide or not. Dream or just close your eyes each night and ignore the love, the passion, the drive and the pull...your choice
Just know, safety is all in the planning...right?
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