How can ants have farms? They’re too small to control the chickens and the pigs
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@churnbutter
How can ants have farms? They’re too small to control the chickens and the pigs
damn. baby flamingo
huge fuckin foot. damn
I literally cry watching this video because its so fucking funny
When someone tells you that ed sheeran can’t sing. Show them this
boom crack the sound of my joints
I was watching friends and theres a fucking potato in the cake stand
celine dion didn’t drown for this
my friend and i were watching veggietales and there’s this scene where all of the veggies are tied up and one of them is like “this looks like a job for someone with hands” and then they all look sadly at each other for a soli d 15 seconds and i lost it
i wasnt joking
Listen, Josh is fed the fuck up.
Local news does not give any fucks lmao
But wait! They got him a shirt!
The only acceptable reason for this is if this character is actually a demon who seduces men and then eats them. [source]
who wrote this, expose him
my breasts are nicely separated. Completely divided, every year they move apart by half an inch.
My breasts are nicely separated though they still fight for custody of the children.
I,,a woman,,,am WiDeR LOweR dOwN
That was difficult to read.
My name is Ebony D'arkness Dementia Raven Way, and my breasts are nicely separated
OH MY GOD WHAT IS THAT AND HOW ON EARTH DID IT GET PUBLISHED
You can always tell when it’s a man writing a description because they focus oddly on the breasts. There will always be something about breasts and I can’t tell you how many times I’ve read historical or fantasy fiction and they talk about “her breasts hanging freely under her tunic” or what the fuck ever and it’s like…women don’t do that? We don’t describe ourselves by saying “I have blonde hair and blue eyes and my breasts hang freely under my tunic”. I kind of feel like we should counter by awkwardly mentioning all male character’s balls in their description. It’s kind of in the same vein.
“I have auburn hair and hazel eyes and my copious nicely separated balls hangs freely under my breeches”
G E T W I D E R L O W E R D O W N
“To get back to my body”
This is the first time I saw this post with art and I am in tears.
Reblogging again because IT HAS BEEN ILLUSTRATED NOW 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂
Im actually laughing so hard omg
IN THE FIFTH GIF HE PATS THE CUPS WITH HIS LITTLE PAWS TO MAKE SURE IT’S IN. BRB, DYING.
ARE YOU KIDDING? LOOK AT THE 7TH GIF HOW HE JUST HANDS THE CUPS TO THE PERSON AND IS LIKE, “HERE HUMAN, YOUR FEEBLE TASK FOR ME IS COMPLETE. NOW LEAVE US BE.”
THEY’RE SO CUTE, OMG. I CAN’T.
THE GREATEST THING ON THE INTERNET SINCE THE LAST TIME OTTERS WERE IN A THING ON THE INTERNET.
Reblogging purely for the last one
@jupiterjames
Nyquil fucks me up every time I take it and furthermore, has the audacity to make me forget what fucking happens every single time. Since taking it at about midnight last night, My day:
Woke up at 4-6 AM and apparently did the dishes
Fiance gets up at 8:00AM, allegedly has fully cognizant conversation with me about his plans to stay late and tutor classmates. I don’t remember even being awake.
at 9:32 AM, my Dad called me and i had a 23-minute phone call with him that I have no recollection of, but apparently I spent most of it discussing the merits and drawbacks of the various tablets my mother is interested in. I was mad about how expensive updating storage capacity was for most of them.
Felling way more sober than I actually am, attempt to drive to school at 10:12. and spend enough time confused why my keys aren’t working on my car that my neighbor actually comes out of his apartment to ask what I’m doing to his car. I decide to stay home.
10:40: Send emails to professors to tell them I’m in no shape to be in class. I think I am eloquent. Upon opening my email later I realize I’ve sent them emails with the subject line “fuckt up” and message: “sorry, love you.”
Benefits of going to a small college: they know I’ve got exciting drug reactions already and are sick as well and reply with “I understand and hope you are feeling well soon, here is today’s lecture slides” and “lol” respectively.
~11- 12:30 : Get lost in neighborhood walking dog. In my defense, it’s 99% off-beige generic prefab housing on nonlinear-bordering-on-noneuclidean streets and Charlie had no interest in going home either.
12:30-3:00: Wall
3:00 : phone alarm goes off and I suddenly realize fiance was supposed to be home an hour and a half ago. Fly into immediate panic, try to find phone to call him and/or the sherrif becuase he’s obviously dead in a ditch or something. I am holding my phone the whole time.
3:16 : Fiance gets home, I cry like a bitch, the dog also cries, everyone has a really bad 15 minutes.
3:33 : Realize I haven’t actually ate or drank yet today. Immediately consume a quart of apple cider and plate of taquitos. Make pork chops and potatoes and don’t stop talking about what happens if a werewolf has sex with a dog while shifted the entire time.
4:00: pass out on couch to the soothing sounds of Mario Oddesy
1AM: Why is it thursday?
The moral of the story is that you should always write down any drug reactions and label medication you should take with a large index card that says “DO NOT TAKE THIS IT FUCKS YOU UP THEN YOU FORGET” in large, friendly letters.
To answer a few questions about this post:
I didn’t take anything Except the Nyquil the previous night.
This happens to me with most sinus medication- benadryl, children’s cold meds, nasal sprays etc.
According to my Psychiatrist, some people with ADHD, Bipolar, Depression or TBI can have really weird reactions to sinus drugs because they fuck with your sleep/wake cycle, though the exact mechanisms are unknown.
Out here, “Apple Cider” is apple juice made with the skin left in, the boozy stuff is called “Hard Cider”
“Wall” refers to the act of lying on one’s side, staring at the spackle with nary a thought in one’s skull. It’s soothing, except for the part where you don’t actually feel like anything. 0/10, not reccomended.
My conclusion is that it results in wolf-hybrids with werehumanism, thank you two people who asked.
when 👍 you 👍 look 👍 at 👍 the 👍 night 👍 sky 👍 and 👍 remember 👍 aliens 👍 are 👍 out 👍 there 👍 somewhere 👍
use 👏 the 👏 clapping 👏 emoji 👏 and 👏 meme 👏 right 👏
Let 👏 nasa 👏 do 👏 what 👏 they 👏 want 👏 with 👏 their 👏 alien 👏 positivity 👏 posts 👏 you 👏 salty 👏 fuck 👏
They’re 👌quiet 👌so 👌they 👌can 👌hear 👌the 👌aliens 👌
a conversation I saw at Taco Bell
young son crying: I wish I had a burrito
the mom pointing at the kid's burrito: son that is a burrito
Me, when I buy 24 roombas and an amazon alexa
Me: Alexa, unleash the roombas
*24 roombas emerge slowly from under my bed, consuming everything in their path*
sir could you just calm down for a second