You said “We need to talk” to JJK Men 😭
He’s in the kitchen, casually cleaning his blade, humming off-key. Shirtless. (Because of course.)
You lean on the counter. “Toji, we need to talk.”
He stops mid-motion. Turns his head very slowly.
“…What the hell did I do now?”
“Don’t lie, that’s the line you drop before breaking up with someone.” He sets the knife down, hands raised in mock surrender. “If this is about that girl at the bar, I already told you she just asked for the time—”
You: “WHAT girl at the bar—”
You stare. He sighs. “See? This is why I hate talking. Every ‘talk’ turns into me sleeping on the couch.”
You: “You don’t even own a couch, Toji.”
You groan. “Oh my god, I just wanted to tell you my mom’s coming over tomorrow.”
Then his eyes widen in real horror. “That’s worse.”
He immediately grabs his things. “Tell her I died.”
But he’s already halfway out the window, mumbling, “I fought sorcerers for a living and still—your mom’s scarier.”
You: “Sukuna, we need to talk.”
He freezes. Not visibly, but enough that you feel it. The cursed energy in the room spikes about ten degrees.
“…What did you just say?”
You repeat, innocently, “We need to talk.”
His grin falters. “Talk about what?”
There’s silence. Then—“Hah.” He laughs, but it sounds strained. “You think you can scare me with that tone? I’ve slaughtered gods, brat.”
“Unless…” he narrows his eyes. “You found another mf, didn’t you? Y’know what I’d just kill him”.
You: “Sukuna, calm down, it’s not—”
“Don’t tell me to calm down!” He’s pacing now, muttering to himself. “First she says she likes my second mouth, then suddenly we ‘need to talk.’ Which mouth did something wrong? The top one or the one on my hand—?”
You: “I just wanted to ask what we’re eating tonight.”
Then just stares at you for a solid five seconds.
“…You’re lucky you’re cute,” he grumbles, plopping back down.
Under his breath: “Almost killed a man”
He’s lying upside down on the couch, sunglasses barely hanging off his nose, snacking on chips at 2 p.m.
You: “Satoru, we need to talk.”
The chips freeze mid-air.
“…Did I forget your birthday again?”
He sits up so fast his shades fly off. “Wait—did you find the receipts from that shopping trip? Because listen—”
You squint. “What shopping trip?”
He gasps. “Forget I said that.”
You: “What shopping trip, Gojo?”
He’s already speedrunning excuses like a man under interrogation.
“It’s fine, baby, everything’s fine. No one died. Unless this is about the toaster, in which case—”
He winces. “Okay, maybe the toaster’s in a different dimension. But that’s not important!”
You: “I just wanted to tell you the laundry’s still wet.”
Then dramatically flops face-first into a pillow.
“Unbelievable. You can’t say things like that to a man with abandonment issues.”
You: “It’s laundry, Satoru.”
He mumbles into the pillow, “Didn’t sound like laundry. Sounded like heartbreak.”
Then, after a long pause—
He perks up instantly, grin returning. “Great! Then let’s have sex!”
He gasps. “Wow. So we do need to talk.”
He’s sitting on the edge of the couch in loose gray sweatpants, hair undone and falling over his shoulders, reading something on his phone. There’s a soft hum in the air — incense maybe — and he looks utterly at peace.
You: “Suguru, we need to talk.”
He glances up lazily, eyes calm, tone even.
“Alright,” he says simply, like you just asked him to pass the remote.
He hums again, still scrolling. “Mhm.”
“No panic? No ‘what did I do’?”
Finally, he sets the phone down and looks at you — really looks. The corners of his mouth lift ever so slightly. “Should I be panicking?”
You huff. “You’re supposed to at least look nervous. That’s how people react when they hear that line.”
He leans back, one arm resting along the back of the couch, expression completely unreadable. “You forget,” he says softly, “I actually listen when you talk. If you were about to leave me, your voice would sound different.”
You squint. “You’re just saying that.”
He chuckles — a quiet, rich sound that makes your chest tighten. “Am I?”
You fold your arms. “You’re impossible. I was trying to scare you.”
He gets up then, slow and deliberate, every step a quiet threat wrapped in silk. He stops in front of you, close enough that you can smell the faint sweetness of his shampoo.
His hair’s loose, strands brushing his shoulders, framing that infuriatingly calm face. He reaches up, thumb brushing along your cheek, tilting your face toward him.
“I know you inside out,” he murmurs, voice low, steady, and devastatingly sure.
And before you can roll your eyes or say something smart, he leans in and presses a lazy, teasing kiss to your lower lip — barely there, just enough to make your breath hitch.
You blink up at him, heat crawling up your face.
He smiles against your mouth, smug and quiet.
“See?” he whispers. “Predictable.”
You glare, whispering back, “You’re so annoying.”
He moves past you, you look back and see him winking saying “mhm”
You open your mouth to argue, but he’s already walking away, muttering over his shoulder, “Next time, just say you missed me.
You: “Kento, we need to talk.”
He looks up immediately, eyebrows slightly furrowed. “You sound… serious. Is something wrong?”
You: “We just need to talk.”
He sets his pen down very carefully, like he’s handling an explosive. “Alright. Go ahead.”
You hesitate. He watches you with quiet patience, but you can almost see the mental gears turning.
“Did I forget a date? Did I say something careless? Did Gojo visit you again?”
He exhales in visible relief. “Good. Because I can only handle one emotionally draining man per day.”
He straightens his tie, bracing himself. “If you’re leaving me, please be concise about it. I’ve had a long day.”
You burst out laughing. “I’m not leaving you! I just wanted to say you left your coffee mug in the car again.”
He stares for a moment. Then pinches the bridge of his nose.
“…You nearly shaved five years off my lifespan.”
You: “I said we need to talk!”
“Yes,” he mutters, standing to retrieve his coat, “but next time, please say ‘we need to talk about your mug.’ I’m too old for riddles.”
You grin. “You’re thirty-two.”
He gives you a pointed look. “Exactly.”
Tehee reblogs appreciated!!
Who else should I write it with? 🤔