jeeves, bring me my morning meme

a thief made of cinnamon and lemon drops  Sara Crewe's reincarnation

[inber]

hate it when you see something in media that has great kink potential so you skedoodle post-haste to ao3 only to discover there's none fic left beef and then you have to sit there going oh I see I'M the pervert weirdo I'M the problem with society and everyone else in the world is going to heaven with a hundred innocence dollars preloaded onto their ole fashioned wholesome funtimes themepark fast pass card like fuckin oath man

[scramratz]

I think people would be less suicidal if they were allowed to talk about being suicidal without risk of being sent to the Torture Dungeon

[funstyle]

*cools ur dashboard down*

[fiore-firelily]

while I am talking to you about something gay and stupid a mosquito lands on my arm and sucks all my blood out in an instant, swelling to the size of a person as my remains flutter cartoonishly down to the ground, and it continues the conversation where I left off in a high pitched approximation of my voice

[strangesmallbard]

underrated bit is losing an object in the house and asking your pet, in an aggrieved voice, where they hid your precious object this time

[gingerpolyglot]

See you say "as a bit" but I had a dog who had some service animal training and he 100% figured out keys = leaving and would regularly hide our keys in his bed

[irisbleufic]

I ask our middle-child cat (we have three) where his squirrelly youngest sister is on a regular basis when I can’t find her (“Where did you put the baby, Nicky? Where’s Ember?”), and he looks so distressed. I probably shouldn’t do it, but it’s just so funny; he knows this phrase because I ask him where he “puts” toys, and he knows this means to go find them. Instant airplane-ears crisis, every single time. He goes looking for her right away. It’s useful for the times when she’s accidentally been shut in the closet or whatever, because Ember does not cry when she’s stuck somewhere. She’ll just patiently sit in the dark for hours otherwise.

[baetology]

Sometimes it blows my mind that there are people that don’t wear glasses/contacts. Like they can literally see with no aid. Like they wake up and just be out here seeing. What a wild concept.

[bumblebeebats]

And people say stuff like ‘lol don’t you hate it when you look up in the middle of the night and see a spider on your ceiling’ like bitch (!!) i could have Nicholas II last czar of Russia hangin from my ceiling fan and i would be none the wiser

[dozydawn]

[two-goblins-in-a-trench-coat]

a CRITTER? Carrying a BERRY?? Across a BRAMBLE VINE?????

[coffeefocusrat]

you're just mad because you're hungry and tired and your legs hurt and you head hurts and you're too hot and you have depression

[argumate]

hell yeah! I never meet any hot chicks in ##USER_CITY##, it’s a total backwater!

[adhoption]

take me down to the ##USER_CITY## where the grass is ##COLOUR## and the girls are ##USER_PREFERENCE##

[lostinhistory]

Wake up babe, new octopus just dropped

He's such a little guy!

[slimetony]

The instruction bus came and walked me through everything and now i understand

[escuerzoresucitado]

[ewaneneollav]

what if after job interview you catch a glimpse of the person’s notepad & see they wrote “things have learnt to walk that ought to crawl”

[cinnamonghost23]

[fairycosmos]

i really don’t have the time to be the way i am

[dozydawn]

[toskarin]

one day you wake up and every tumblr blog has their allegiance (or lack thereof) in relation to the tokugawa listed where the badges used to be. it's all accurate, even for the users entirely unfamiliar with the concept, and shifts as needed