Hello! I have a sort of loaded question for you. Are you openly ace irl? And if you are, how do you cope with the backlash? I am ace and I have a partner and he is ok with it, but he doesn't tell friends and lies about it. I am also very private about it, because the one time I was open I was sort of shunned and they didn't believe me (the "you need a good sex toy" and "your bf is not a real man") Which hurt. So I was just wondering if you do it and how? And how I am supposed to react. Thanks -J
hmmMmm this is a tough one and I’m so sorry you’ve had to deal with this, anon :(
I mean I try and be pretty open about it if I feel like it’s someone who is aware enough to actually know what asexual means and not make a plant joke. So usually the people I’m outright like “nah I’m ace” to are LGBT friendly people in the first place.
Before, I would laugh off any comments prying for info about like a potential boyfriend or do you have kids are you seeing someone, but now that I’ve got s super gr8 partner I’m now also quite open and casual about being like “yeah so my GIRLFRIEND is in town so I’m gonna go” and not in a “tee hee me and my girlfriends” way but a very much this is my romantic partner way.
So like uhhhh I don’t even know if I answered your question but like to summarize if I think I’m talking to someone who knows what the word “asexual” means then I straight up say it, otherwise I’m just super open about being hella gay romantically for my bb @cinnbuttspie ;) lmao but I also have my keys on an ace lanyard and I don’t hide that. So it’s one of those things like….. idk I’ll talk about it if I feel like it’s not going to devolve into a “what’s asexual mean” conversation OR if I’m feeling REALLY energetic I will say it anyway and then have that conversation but most of the time I don’t feel like dealing with that.
I’m very fortunate that I have a good support network.
EDIT: and actually to add onto this I just had an additional thought. Like being out and proud is great, and being super closeted can hurt but there is literally no shame in being in between. You don’t owe anyone a conversation about your sexuality (except like a partner) and you don’t have to explain it to every asshat you meet.
I've been told by my sister "you'd like sex if you tried it", and by my mom "you just haven't met the right person." Over time they've kinda backed up and stopped making comments like that because they want to be supportive. Sometimes people don't realize the things they say can be so hurtful, but that's still no excuse for them. I know it hurts. Sometimes being selective is all you can do to combat it. That, and pay it no mind when backlash happens; asexuality has been a thing for a long time, it just didn't have a name. You're not broken. You don't need sex in a relationship for it to work, and he isn't any "less of a man" for not having sex with you. I'm sorry you're suffering such backlash about it. We're here to talk if you need it!! đź’–
