Lifes To Fucking Short For Shame

~ quote from Con O’Neil Arthur, (He/Him) Enjoyer of so many things, currently obsessing over OFMD and my beloved trans king Izzy Hands. Check out my art blog for more gay shit !! https://www.tumblr.com/aravinus

[lesvegas]

passing in public makes me feel like white shrek

[lesvegas]

literally how it feels

[welpnotagain]

[edwardteachswombtattoo]

Imagining a post-S2 scene where some guy Ed and Stede encountered on a raid a long time ago suddenly points at them and says "Wait!! I know those guys! They're pirates!!" and everyone looks at each other because no shit of course those guys are pirates?? It's one of those open secrets everyone knows about but pretends not to.

Then little old lady Margaret who is going blind in one eye remembers how Stede always carries her groceries and helps out in her garden and she's like "Pirates? These two? Have you been drinking?"

And Roberta the baker whose abusive husband died under mysterious circumstances is like "What are you talking about? They're innkeepers. Obviously."

And Lily the blacksmith who made the rings for Ed and Stede's wedding ceremony is like "Pirates? I don't see any pirates."

And Ted the florist is like "Do these guys look like pirates to you?"

And the guy who pointed at them is like "??? But he's obviously Blackbeard!!"

And everyone stares at each other in confusion until one man points at clean shaven Ed with his hair in a cute little up-do with flowers, and says "This is Blackbeard? The legendary pirate who kills without hesitation?"

And the guy who pointed stutters because yeah this guy doesn't have a black beard (or any beard at all) and everyone is staring at him like he completely lost his mind so he's finally just like "sorry" and leaves with his head down.

Ed breathes a sigh of relief, taking his hand off where he keeps a knife concealed on him at all times and Stede loosens his grip on the glass bottle he was about to break on the counter and the bartender surreptitiously puts her gun back in its hiding place.

[depsidase]

[fedoraspooky]

whoever's idea it was to have womens t-shirts have those tiny sleeves that go way up into the armpits must have done that maliciously

[blackjame]

[chaotic-neutral-knitter]

one of my fave ofmd fandom things is how many posts there are (usually dated March 2022 but sometimes much later, even just a few days ago) that are just fanart of ed and stede with captions like "THOSE PIRATES SURE CAN GAY" bc even when people go in knowing it's 'the gay pirate show' it can still knock them ass over teakettle with how much they're rooting for those guys in the end. and part of that is because people assume tumblr as a whole over-exaggerated how gay it is (which tumblr often does) but another part of it is the thing season one does where you think it's all going to be subtext and you're like 'ah yeah ok I see why people went crazy about this one' and then the show whips off the workplace comedy mask and makes all the subtext text and barrels forward into romance territory. and that is still one of the most delightful things I've ever seen a show do, and it's really hard to explain how delightful it is until you SEE it. those pirates sure can gay indeed!!

[mj-bird]

i just want to say i love that jay is so skilled/talented it's absurd but he spends his life messing around with a guy who is just silly and he likes it that way.

[teaboot]

"Oh yeah, we have an outdoor Corgi, he just gets so bored cooped up inside all day. He knows to stay off the road. Don't worry, he's way too smart for coyotes and the neighbor's know to look out when they drive past."

"Us? Oh, of *course* our Dachshund sleeps inside- we just let him out in the morning and make sure he comes back for dinner. He just does his own thing, no worries."

"Um, you know it's not humane to keep a chihuahua confined to an apartment? They're dogs, they're natural predators. They need to experience hunting behaviors or they get depressed. No we don't leash ours, he absolutely hates it, we just let him come and go whenever."

Yall get how fucking stupid that sounds, right? So stop letting your goddamn cats get eaten and attacked and infected and hit by cars

A toddler would probably love full unattended access to the neighborhood too, but we don't do that either, do we

It's 2026, "keep your damn pet in a house or in your view" should not be controversial

[angel-stars]

I had to go on a hunt for this but it was worth it. 100% agree

[bunnyboy063]

How are people having ‘casual’ sex, I can’t even hold hands casually

[garflendo]

so uh, i couldn't stop thinking about the end of ntbtstm as well as james murphy and his work, and how i feel 'new york i love you, but you're bringing me down' correlates so perfectly with matt and jay and their seperate ideals. and a few nights ago and i created this

[mj-bird]

matt and jay don't understand what love feels like because they've never known a life without it.

[captain-price-returns]

jfc

[hotvampireadjacent]

[itsquietinsantafe2]

MattJay | Accidentally in Love - Counting Crows

These lines of lightning mean we're never alone, never alone

[segamascott]

[sensationseekng]

heaven is a place where nothing ever happens

[mj-bird]

i need to hear jay call matt "buddy" 500 more times before i die