back on broadway yet again

con / 22 / he-him / idk man i just go here

[ungoliantschilde]

“Trouble Brewing”, by Gary Larson

[quasi-normalcy]

[sing-you-fools]

i must say, i am a huge fan of when a book is in the middle of a very exciting plot containing many interesting problems when out of nowhere for a few pages it's like, "hey by the way, real quick, here's a detailed explanation of the city's water filtration system! i'm telling you this for a reason and you should worry about it. anyway! haha okay back to the plot" and you just get to be Scared for a while

[spookybuttons-deactivated202101]

thinking about the time they sent me a seven year old autistic patient to investigate if he was suffering abuse because in every psychological test he kept drawing awful monsters

and I start the consultation already miserable as fuck and I give the kid some pen and paper so I can maybe communicate and see what's on his mind

and then I go WAIT A GODDAMN SECOND I KNOW THOSE MONSTERS

turns out the kid just had a special interest in Five Nights at Freddy's

[spookybuttons-deactivated202101]

I pointed at the monster and went "That's Freddy!" and I've never seen a kid that ecstatic in my life

the mom looked at me as if her son and I belonged at the same satanic cult and that's why I knew the names of the demons in his head

I wrote back to psychologist like "I'm not sure how to explain this but looking up five nights at freddys might bring you progress with this patient"

[spookybuttons-deactivated202101]

at some point the nurses realized the autistic children and I were like, Really Vibing

so they decided to highkey just appoint all of them to my day and it took me almost a month to realize that the fact that I kept arriving and finding that all of today’s appointments were autistic children was Not A Coincidence 

anyway this one time there was a kid who was really into christianity but it was like, specifically angels 

so I’m trying to start up a conversation with him and I ask what he’s reading and he goes “do you know what a nephilim is”

and like for one hellish second my soul is suckerpunched out of my body and thrown straight into supernatural-fanfic-on-wattpad hell, and then I reassume control of my flesh prison, ignoring the mental edits of Dean and Castiel making out, and go “Aren’t those the guys who are half human and half angel?”

and the kid was so fucking happy but the mom was staring at me like ‘why are you privy to this bit of occult jesus lore’

and my heathen lesbian of a self just looks at her and goes 

“i love bible”

[xain-russell]

It’s almost like taking an invested interest in what your children enjoy will help you understand them.

[wildflower182]

that addition might be the most savage call out i’ve ever seen

[official-kircheis]

where's that post of someone getting a letter from their bank like "dear keith we realise you're just taking the piss but every time you venmo your mate for 'al-qaeda training camp' we do have to, by law, fill out a lot of boring paperwork for the police so we'd really appreciate it if you'd stop doing that"

[andmaybegayer]

here it is

[lucyleviathantv]

pjackk's corpse has washed up upon the shore rusted and covered in seaweed

[lucyleviathantv]

they pushed his corpse back out to sea

[enbaluka-tokyo-drift]

[wizardarchetypes]

how i picture me and my professor when i email them at 4 am and they respond right away

[spamton]

cooking my husband a delicious and nutricious breakfast consisting of lead pipes and

e

[spamton]

idont remmeber what the rest of the post was going to say. use your impregnation i dont care

[spamton]

you get what i mean.

[free-post-store]

$0

[spamton]

[pitbolshevik]

my super sustainable bmw

[pitbolshevik]

[ouroborosorder]

you can say your favorite game is for perverts. but you will never be Warframe, whose dating sim choices all have canon kinks and canon answers to whether they’re a top or bottom. Lettie canonically pegs you and everyone tries to warn you that she does

[ouroborosorder]

Aoi canonically is into bondage and wants you to tie her up with your space jetpack and fuck her in zero atmosphere environments. The rest of the games industry writing scene needs to step it the fuck up

[ouroborosorder]

”wow this game is made by perverts” the director of Warframe wants to fuck emet-selch so bad that she hired his voice actor to play a villain you can date and fuck. She proudly will tell you this is the motive behind this decision

[avatarmerida]

Happy pride month to the tiny cowboy and tiny Trojan man from Night at the Museum

[futurakid]

[leg-stealing-bee]

[closetedguyy]

[knitordeath]

This hands down the best comment in the notes, I will not be taking criticism.

[song-of-sea-and-sky]

happy pride month 2021 I ain’t quittin’ you…

[msue0027]

[maxstarfall]

[gengaritez]

[pumpkin--rabbit]

[minyicho]

[harpsi-corpse]

The cards see all.

[teaboot]

Me: Hey, I'm so-and-so, just calling because my brother ate here, and he ordered the clams? And I just wanted to give you a heads up that he's got really, really bad food poisoning.

Worker: We order everything fresh from a reliable source.

Me: That's great, I just wanted to let you know just in case.

Worker: Well it couldn't have been us, we follow a very strict procedure.

Me: ....Okay, yeah, I'm not looking for compensation or anything. It could have been something else. I just wanted to give you guys a heads up in case, I don't know, something happened in transit, or someone has the flu or something.

Worker: They don't. We don't do that.

Me: ......

Me: Okay well like I said, I'm not calling to complain, we're just covering our bases. Thanks though.

Worker: Okay. Have a good one.

Me: You too

*click*

Me to my brother: They say it wasn't them

My brother, still hunched over on his porcelain throne five hours deep into solo level grinding a toilet+bucket X2 combo breaker marathon for the title of King Shits, Lord and Ruler of the Bon Bon Von Püpenshittën Empire: it's fine

[teaboot]

The Kingdom is in good hands

[kaijuno]

[tsunderebird]

[orcboxer]

I have just combined all rice in the world into a single rouse

[laughcentre]

[wrywlf]

it’s been years since i’ve first seen this comic and i still think it has one of the best punchline delivers of anything i’ve ever seen

[ogrebattle128-deactivated201404]

eternal classic

[clarenecessities]

By Korean artist Yang Young-Soon

[homophobla]

Twice a year in Hawaii the sun passes directly overhead and objects cast no shadow. It’s a phenomenon called “Lahaina Noon”