to a buried and a burning flame (teaser)
i'm in a silly goofy mood so here's a lil snippet of one of the fics I'm working on (this one being from Al's perspective), in which he and Scorpius have been fake-dating for a few weeks in an attempt to make one of their friends jealous - only, both of them have been harboring very secret, very real feelings. now at a breaking point, Rose & Lily urge Al to consider the possibility that his love for Scorpius is, in fact, not unrequited anymore, and he is, in fact, somehow painfully oblivious to this:
“Wait,” Lily breathes, turning back to him. “Did you suggest this plan? To...pretend to go out with one another?”
Al shakes his head, swallowing. “No, he did. He said it might get Yann off my back if I were…seeing someone else.”
She bites her lower lip, considering. “Well, he clearly isn't opposed to the idea of being with you, then, if it was his idea to begin with. Who’s to say he would mind if it was real? Is he- gay?”
“I don’t know,” Al admits, noticing as Rose stiffens slightly. “Maybe. I don’t want to get my hopes up.” Lily crosses her arms, and he reluctantly adds, “He has been pretty…receptive to…certain things.”
“Like kissing?” she smirks, her brows raised in teasing question. “Ah, yes. I know I, for one, regularly snog my straight female friends, too- as a joke, of course." She rolls her eyes. "Honestly, Al. Think.”
“I have,” he groans, finally taking a seat next to Rose before the exhaustion of this conversation overtakes him, tossing his school bag at the foot of the wooden bench. “All I do around him is think. I think about the right and wrong things to say, agonizing over every word, every compliment. I think about which gestures would cross a line, which kiss or touch would make him uncomfortable. I think about how to prevent myself from projecting my own selfish, very real feelings onto him." He looses a breath. "He doesn’t deserve that. To be pressured into…something he never signed up for.”
“No,” Rose agrees, shifting slightly in her seat. “But maybe you haven’t pressured him at all. Maybe he…suggested this relationship for a reason.”
Al stills, not daring to look up from the spot on the ground he’d fixated on. “What do you mean?”
He can feel her gaze on him, but she continues without waiting for him to meet it. “Well, did you ever think to question the timing when he asked you to go out with him? There you were, days away from getting together with Karl, who you could’ve fake-dated just as easily for the same purpose. But Scor beat you to it. Asked you out, of his own free will, to prevent that from happening. Why? Why would he risk the implications of- being out, being with you, if his own feelings weren’t stemming from something at least partially real? Why would he have kissed you ‘to be sure’ if he wasn’t already questioning things on his end?” He finally looks at her, a small, genuine smile on her face- so unlike her usual stoicism. “Not everything that's happened between you can be chalked up to coincidence, Al. He’s trying to tell you something, and you’ve been too blinded by the need to keep your feelings as buried as possible to accept any of it as truth.”
“Shit.” His eyes glance warily to Lily, who looks just as stunned as he feels. “You should be a psychotherapist, Rose," she murmurs.
“I’ve been getting that a lot lately, believe it or not,” Rose smirks, shifting her attention back to him. “So? Are you willing to admit your long-held feelings may not be unrequited anymore, or should I start over?”
Al can hardly breathe, a strange mix of dread and exhilaration coursing through him as he turns her words over in his head. He'd never...never considered any of that. Never allowed himself to believe Scorpius had suggested this relationship for any reason other than wanting to make him happy, wanting to protect him from Yann. And he had- Merlin knows he had made him so, insanely happy these past two weeks, but...perhaps not in the way Scorpius thought he had. “How do you…I’ve never told you the details of how we got together. Or about…our first kiss,” he realizes with a start. “Did Scor- has he been confiding in you, this entire time? All your...study sessions?"
“He’s told me…enough, that I can pretty safely guess where he stands,” she says, and the knife in his stomach twists deeper. “And I think you’d like your odds.”
Al feels himself instinctively trying to dismiss her words, dismiss the truth that Scorpius could actually feel the exact same way, could be dealing with the same hesitancies and doubts and fears of admitting those feelings- but he pushes them down just as quickly as they’d appeared, recalling her earlier statement- ‘You’ve been too blinded by the need to keep your feelings as buried as possible to accept any of it as truth.’
That’s exactly what he’d done- what he has done for the entirety of their friendship. Every touch too good to be true, every lingering look or compliment attributed to Scorpius just being a good mate. Just this morning, just a few moments ago- when they’d kissed like their lives had depended on it, and he’d written it off as some cruel joke the universe was playing on him, making him fall over and over again for someone he couldn’t have- at least, not sincerely.
The tears he thought he’d willed away return with a sudden ferocity, clouding his eyes until he can barely see in front of him. “Okay,” he manages, wiping at his cheek before he can embarrass himself any further. “Say he does. How do I- ask him? To make it real?”
Rose thinks it over for a moment, chewing the inside of her cheek in a clear attempt to suppress an even wider smile. “Well, if Lily’s account of your kiss moments ago in the hallway is any indication, you might not need to. Maybe he’ll ask you first. Again.”
Lily looses a small laugh, and despite himself, he feels a bit lighter, loosening up as the reality of the situation- of his new odds- hit him. He shakes his head softly. “No, I- I want to ask him first.”
“You have been pining for far longer,” Lily adds, grinning ear to ear. “It’s only fair.”
“I thought I said earlier to spare me your teasing.”
“Yeah, but that was before you got all sappy on us,” she says as she crosses over to sit next to him, resting her head against his shoulder. “Who would’ve thought.”
“I’ve gotten sappy about him plenty of times before now,” he reminds her, grateful for her presence even if he’d never admit it- grateful for both of them, truly, their ability to tease and talk and laugh with him until he can't remember why he'd been upset in the first place.
“Obviously. But even I can tell this is…different, somehow. I’ve never actually seen you cry over him, before- not like this,” Rose says with a knowing smirk. “You really love him.”
“Of course I do,” he says, sniffling slightly as he feels another traitorous tear fall. “I always have.”
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