Everything around her was overwhelming her senses. Clara standing in what used to be their living room, surrounding by their furniture, their stupid paintings they had picked out together, their bookshelf that held all of their mix-matched tastes and the one book that had led to their first meeting, still displayed proudly, standing out from the rest. Dahlia could hear her pulse thudding in her ears as her eyes shifted all over the apartment. It was exactly the same, as if she had jumped into a time machine and gone back to the day that had changed absolutely everything. Clara answered her question, and Dahliaâs dark, stormy eyes moved back over towards her. The hurt registered in her heart long before the words made sense to her brain. Decided. Dahlia had already found out that Clara had thought ending their relationship was necessary and mistakenly did the only thing she could think of to get it to end. While that angered and hurt her, the word decided hurt even more so. It wasnât a panicked mistake, it wasnât an action that didnât have any malice behind it. âDecided?!â she repeated, her voice cracking on the second syllable. âYou decided to break usâŠto break me. Because it was so easy for you to just do that?? How can you do that to me â cheat on me, knowingly and willingly ⊠and then do this!?â Dahlia gestured angrily at everything around her. âYou donât get to do that, Clara! Why would you even want to? Why wasnât I good enough for you?â They had had this conversation before, but Dahlia still wasnât satisfied with the answers she had gotten. They had been too ambiguous and too vague. Clara drove her mad, but re-hashing their past was destroying Dahlia on the inside bit by bit.
The angrier that Dahlia got the more Claraâs burning desire to be swallowed up by the ground grew. Her hands were shaking and all she could do was take deep breaths and try to calm herself down but every word that left Dahliaâs lips only made the blonde want to scream even more, she felt so small and helpless standing in their apartment; a concept that was so alien to her she barely knew how to handle it, and all of Dahliaâs questions only made it worse. âIt wasnât easy for me! Leaving you was one of the hardest decisions Iâve ever had to make; but I thought that you deserved to be with someone better than a god damn monster, Dahlia!â Clara yelled, she instantly regretted her tone of voice because she knew exactly how itâd be interpreted. But she wasnât upset with Dahlia, not in the slightest, Â she was simply just so furious with herself she didnât know how to deal with it. âYou were too good for me, thatâs the point- Iâm sick and twisted and you deserved a lot better than that! I wasnât good enough for you.â She tried to reason with the other, trying to make her see things from her perspective no matter how hopeless it was. It was then that Clara realized that she only ever felt guilty about her job when it came to Dahlia. She only ever felt guilty because she made such a wonderful girl say âI love youâ to a murderer, she only ever felt guilty for decieving Dahlia. And that made her feel more heartless than ever, because as much as she represses it Clara knows that she should feel guilty, and not just guilty for how her job affects Dahlia; but guilty for the fact that its her job in the first place.
