my feral corner of the internet

welcome to my current obsession loudly and proudly ✡️

[yviisxo]

rest in peace to this diva

[contagiousgrace]

I just don't think we ever wrapped up the Clown Sightings of 2016 in a satisfactory way.

[doctorbluesmanreturns]

I feel like we got the briefest glimpse of what it must be like for the people in the Doctor Who universe.

"Does anyone else remember the giant salt and pepper shakers that could fly being on the news awhile back? Was that some sort of movie promo?"

[orpheusilver]

masturbation is evil not for any puritan anti-fun reason but because it has permanently claimed so many verbs

[orpheusilver]

nobody can crank anything anymore. and god forbid you jerk

[orpheusilver]

turning off rbs at 75k btw so get your last reblogs in now

[abalisk]

😞

A travesty

[eroscestlavie]

when you’re a gay lion and you accidentally tried to introduce your lesbian lioness friend to one of her own exes at a gay bar and she goes into the bathroom and bitches you out for not being able to tell her endlessly rotating cast of girlfriends apart which isn’t really fair because first of all they all keep dyeing their hair different colors and second of all she keeps getting back together with different ones at different times and meanwhile you’ve been “single” for like 8 months but are spending a lot of time with one specific guy who works at your old co-op and were going to excitedly tell her about it tonight but now you’ve ruined the whole subject of dating by trying to introduce her to her own ex at a gay bar (which is a watering hole. because you’re lions.) 

[wizardshark]

99% of queer discourse stops right before they define the true difference between bisexual and pansexual!

[saspitite]

FOR THE LAST FUCKING TIME

BISEXUALS GROW FROM THE GROUND

PANSEXUALS GROW FROM THE CEILING

[wiisagi-maiingan]

Do you ever think about how so much of the deadly anti-science rhetoric that fills America today and is killing countless vulnerable people can be directly traced back to one fucking guy who decided to just straight-up lie about vaccines causing autism because it would make him a profit? Do you ever think about that? Because I think about it a lot.

[finnglas]

when i was a tiny baby queer (aka a 24-year-old), i went to my first pride festival probably three months after i kicked ex-gay therapy to the curb and came out to my parents. being the people they are, my parents came with me. they weren’t really sure about this whole gay thing, but they loved me and wanted me to be safe and happy and wanted to be involved in what was important to me, so they came along. (i also think my mother still might have thought i might get drugged or murdered or beaten by a protester of which there were plenty.)

anyway i wanted a memento of my first pride, you know, and this one vendor was selling keyrings, and i liked it, so i bought one. do you remember those italian charm bracelets that were all the rage like 10-15 years ago? it was a keychain like that, and it had a rainbow rooster, a rainbow cat, and then just a rainbow, and so I bought it.

i run into my mom a couple of vendors over and she goes oh you bought something? what’d you get? so i showed her, and i was like, “I’m not sure why it’s a rooster and a cat. Seems kind of random. But I liked the rainbows.”

and my mom, who was some form of minister’s wife for most of my childhood and teenagerhood, stares at me like she thinks i’m joking.

“What?” i say.

“…it’s a cock and a pussy, Jules,” she says flatly, and that is the story of how i died at the age of 24 while attending my first pride festival.

[finnglas]

I love how every June this one gets dug up and passed around again, lmao.

[finnglas]

oh no is this what we’re doing now

[finnglas]

…relic…

*crumbles and blows away on the wind*

[cleo-fox]

Writing tips:

“You feel the bulge in his pants” - implies that you are feeling some guy’s penis, may be sexy depending on context

“You feel the bugle in his pants” - implies that this guy has a military horn in his pants, invites confusing questions like why does he have that and how big are his pockets

[maple-seed]

Both options convey that he's horny

[cleo-fox]

How dare you be funnier than me on my own post

[dailynarnia]

is jake gyllenhaal gay??

why would you ask us, a narnia blog, this

[helloitsbees]

happy pride month to this post specifically

[ororium-z]

Happy Pride!

[kedreeva]

Earl, showing off his fancy butt

[kedreeva]

help they're isoscelating my boy 😭

[spin-the-wheel-polls]

make a bunch of wheels with bread/cheese/meat/vegetables/sauce/extra so that you can Spin for Sandwich

you're making a sandwich!! Spin THIS wheel 2-4 times for the toppings!

How is it!

good!!

it's alright

ew

EW

inedible

Results

Voting ended onJun 3

op note: I GOT JAM, JAM AND HOT SAUCE. IM DEAD.

[biglawbear]

I need to start making cooking tips for all the things I've learned.

The first thing is that you have to preheat your oven, and also your pans on the stove. You think "oh I can just throw Thing in the oven and wait for it to come up to heat" that is the devil talking. Whatever you're cooking, you want it to go in the oven and the oven be a consistent temp and start those tasty chemical reactions that cook your food: crisping edges of veg, causing cookies to rise.

You also have to preheat your pan on the stove. Every time. You think "oh the pan is fine I'm gonna put Thing in it now" and then nothing happens so you turn up the heat thinking the stove needs to be hotter because Thing isn't cooking and then all of a sudden it's too hot and you ruined the Thing. Let the pan preheat. For several minutes. To test if your pan is hot, run your hand under the sink and flick a couple drops of water onto the pan. Sizzling? Good your pan is hot. Water just sitting there? It's not preheated.

Can't tell you how many times I've talked to someone who "can't cook" or "the recipe didn't come out right" and when I asked if they preheated the oven or pan the answer was no.

First rule. Preheat the stuff before you put the food in.

[entomologist-of-abraham]

If you have a stainless steel pan, the water should bead and move across the surface before it sizzles and evaporates off. That's how you know your pan is hot and ready to use. If the water just sizzles it's almost there, but you want that beading so you get that nice nonstick reaction.

[classical-memeician]

Some recipes will direct you to start with a cold pan. If they do this, follow the instructions as in some cases, you need to start cold to control the cooking.

Examples:

Skin on duck breast. Duck has a lot of fat and starting it in a cold pan allows the fat to melt out and allow the skin to crisp up while the meat cooks. The skin will naturally release from a stainless steel pan once it's cooked. If you start in a hot pan, the skin will be fully cooked while you still have a big lump of solid fat between it and the meat and this will be disgusting.

For steak, start in a roaring hot pan (see the water bead technique above). This will allow for a nice brown crust to form on the meat without overcooking the middle.

Fried eggs? Preheat that pan big time. Once the water beads when you drip a tiny bit in the pan, you're hot enough. Add a little oil, swirl to coat the base of the pan and then add your egg. It'll get a good colour on the bottom and a little crispy around the edges. You can also baste the edges around the yolk with the hot oil to prevent egg white bogeys in the final cooked egg.

For pot sticker dumplings? Start with a hot pan.

Frying veg and want to sear it? Hot pan.

Sauteing onions but don't want them to gain any colour? I use a cold pan as it gives me greater control.

Also, do not add oil to your stainless steel until you've done the water bead test. You want the pan hot before the oil goes in.

DO NOT OVERHEAT YOUR NON-STICK PAN. You can get away with making a stainless steel or cast iron pan super hot for cooking. Non stick coatings are not designed for this and can crackz or even explode. For a non stick pan, 30-60 seconds is enough to get it hot enough to fry.

(once you learn how to make your stainless steel pans non stick by heating them properly, you'll never go back to regular non-stick)

[bees-with-swords]

"Do you ever dream of land?" The whale asks the tuna.

"No." Says the tuna, "Do you?"

"I have never seen it." Says the whale, "but deep in my body, I remember it."

"Why do you care," says the tuna, "if you will never see it."

"There are bones in my body built to walk through the forests and the mountains." Says the whale.

"They will disappear." Says the tuna, "one day, your body will forget the forests and the mountains."

"Maybe I don't want to forget," Says the whale, "The forests were once my home."

"I have seen the forests." Whispers the salmon, almost to itself.

"Tell me what you have seen," says the whale.

"The forests spawned me." Says the salmon. "They sent me to the ocean to grow. When I am fat with the bounty of the ocean, I will bring it home."

"Why would the forests seek the bounty of the oceans?" Asks the whale. "They have bounty of their own."

"You forget," says the salmon, "That the oceans were once their home."

[hearnoweevil]

Last year I finally had an excuse to illustrate this simple little Tumblr story I've had bookmarked forever for class.

I hope you like it :]

[homunculus-argument]

A fantasy story starting with the protagonist minding her own business gathering firewood, when a demon appears out of nowhere announcing that she belongs to him now. The protagonist demands to know on what grounds, she's never signed no damn contract. The demon is kind of baffled by this, and awkwardly explains that just now her father had promised his firstborn for something, and she is his firstborn.

The protagonist digs her heels in and says no, she never knew her biological father and by the way the demon explained the situation, evidently her father also doesn't know that he already has a daughter, so therefore the man who had made no contribution to her life after he bred and fled has no claim to her as something he could barter.

Not giving a shit about the fact she's gambling her life in doing so, the protagonist makes contact with the local woodland fae, asking them to negotiate on her side. The fae think that this is fucking hilarious and go with her. So, having lawyered up and with a reluctant demon in tow, the protagonist heads off on a quest to find her father and do whatever it takes to wrangle everyone involved into unmaking the contract.

[maimonideznuts]

Convene the Beit din, we have a matter to settle.

[greatmountainfloofsquatch]

I imagine if the fae existed, Jews and especially rabbis would have a lot easier time dealing with them than gentiles.

[homunculus-argument]

If you need an exorcism you find a catholic priest. If you need to get fae contract divorced, you find a rabbi.

[tryingtobecoollikeyou]

I am not Jewish, but I would buy every book of a series featuring a rabbi who has a side job dealing with the Fae.

[maimonideznuts]

The Exorcist and the Rabbi are partners... When the problem is talkative the Rabbi takes the lead, when the problem is violent the Exorcist is in their element.

[redrook]

Great news, everyone

Spinning Silver by Naomi Novik

A Jewish peasant girl turned moneylender, Miriam, ends up stuck married to the fae king of winter. The daughter of a duke gets stuck married to the emperor, who is possessed by a demon.

The plot is the two of them trying to survive, get divorced through any means necessary, and save their respective people.

[i-like-reblog-maps]

What month were you born in?

January

February

March

April

May

June

July

August

September

October

November

December

Voting ended onMay 28

Doing a final project in my stats class, we have to pick a subject and collect data on it. We need at least 100 data points, and I figured this blog is big enough that a poll on here could get to that pretty easily!

Doing my project on if it’s more likely to be born in certain months :]

I have gotten the OK from my teacher to collect data using a Tumblr poll, btw. I’m also going to have to send her this post as proof of where I got the data from / proof I didn’t just make up the numbers. So. Behave

[edgar-allan-possum]

[agendermetalbender]

[daveedmee]

explosion at health potion factory 0 dead 0 injured

[jadefyre]

17 healed