Alex, Sweetheart of the Internet

Get it? Like an atom smasher, except a name. Not my name though, I'm Alex. 38 year old they/he in Philly.

[adamsmasher]

[kingfucko]

i dont care if monday sucks... tuesday cost me sixty bucks... wednesday thursday give no fucks. it's friday im a duck

[drops-of-universe]

why do men have this eternal fear of being used for money they don’t have lol

[papidehasbi]

[gorbling]

Im enjoying the longevity of tumblrs recontextualization style of humor. a seemingly innocuous post followed by like "posts that a gnome would make" or like "are you a phone"

[gorbling]

[hapalopus]

[hapalopus]

More from the notes:

[vexwerewolf]

I love this post

[karifaevt]

The horse thinks as it scratches an itch

[rat-king-they-them]

[rat-detector-24-official]

Rat detected. Make him jiggle.

[mutipede]

Holy shit I assume everyone is doing an up and down jiggle and maybe a side to side jiggle but if you jiggle your phone forward and backwards he jiggles in and out, too

[hotvampireadjacent]

[cognitohazardous]

no one says big mood anymore. no one even says mood. no one says anything. all thats left is a dry wind, that scours my face until i bleed

[leavesofgas]

[scaryhagmother]

White people be like: I have to take my french bulldog to the chiropractor

[scaryhagmother]

[scaryhagmother]

White people be like: I have to take my elderly cat to acupuncture

[dogpuppy]

[so-much-for-subtlety]

[bearie]

[waitingforthet]

It’s called increasing your downline

[sludgebitch]

imagine dying for nothing and your memorial is just you standing on the ghost plinth in windows xp forever

[redstonedust]

the problem with movie remakes is that they always remake something that was already good, meaning at worst you ruin it and at best your remake is largely redundant. to make a truly good remake you need to start with source material that is absolute dogwater. ignore the pull of nostalgia. redeem the sins of moviemaking past.

[mindllessdreaming]

and the winner of superwholock is officially??? no one. we all lost. congrats team

[buggyhuman-blog]

[millenniumfucko]

[evanesia-deactivated20180518]

i’M DONE

[waitwhatdidtheysay]

[captions]

[Jean Ralphio’s lines dubbed over images from Star Wars]: “You just missed the craziest of crazies. Clubs. Girls. Dancing. Naked. MOM?! Argument. Police. Fleeing the scene. Hiding in a dumpster. Coming here. Crashing on your couch for a week ‘cause, [singing] technically I’m homeless!“

[emilianadarling]

No matter how many times I see this, it makes me laugh. 

[so-much-for-subtlety]

[magnusttsisgay-official]

Jarvis, pull up that variable meme.

[maplecinnamonbun]

i’m reminded of the developer of a mapping software who had a variable named ‘legend_handles’ that got refactored into ‘leg_handles,’ ‘leg_hands,’ and finally ‘feet’