welcome to hell

I'm Brittany, welcome to my blog. What you see here are things that have caught the eye of a lonely girl in a lonely world. I'm keeping this short but I want you, whoever you are, to know that no matter where you are or what is happening that you will be okay. everything will be okay. I promise.

[nonibear11]

Omg lol.

[alexisbloodwood]

BWAHAHAHA

[nostrem]

THEY SAID DONT LAUGH

[requiem-4-a-drink-deactivated20]

hope your pets stay healthy in 2017

[rotg-fan-page]

I almost didn’t blog this and felt guilty

[nobodytoldthehorse]

Apparently “spite” is not an ‘appropriate answer’ to “What motivates you?”

[comic-canary]

Ok, so the tattoo artist I have been going to for all of my tats seriously does everything in his life out of spite. He became a tattoo artist because he was told it was stupid, he got married because his friends told him not to, he bought a house with a picket fence because he was told he wasn’t the kind of guy that would do that, and he had a kid because he was told he would be a crap father. He has a nice wife, an adorable little girl, a good house, and is an award winning tattoo artist.

Live your life in spite

[mathed-potatoes]

Yesterday I went to dinner to catch up with my buddy from the math department, and he told me this story about how he ran the city marathon in 2 hours, 59 minutes. That’s an amazing time. He was 19th out of thousands. 

He was doing pretty well for the first half, but then his ankle started to hurt. He slowed down for a bit, but then this girl he passed before passed him, and he started overthinking whether or not it was awkward to pass the same person multiple times, and, like, what if they small-talked about it? He decided it was better to pass her and stay ahead, so he picked up the pace. A few miles later, he fell in with two dude-bros who started talking to him. Not pleased to find himself in the company of dude-bros, he pulled ahead once again. This continued for a while; every time he got closed to a group of other marathoners, his social anxiety kicked in and he ran faster because he felt nervous being near people. 

TL;DR A mathematician ran an record marathon to avoid making small-talk with randos. He introverted his way into qualifying for the Boston marathon. 

[pepperoniplaygirrrl]

When I say “please don’t take a picture of me” it’s not because I’m being bitchy and stubborn, it’s because if I see that picture I will seriously feel so bad about myself and think I am the ugliest thing on earth and sink a little deeper into self consciousness and hatred.

[f-fractal]

thank you

and before anyone says anything about selfies- those are controlled photos. 

[bibliotheksbewohnerin]

things that still freak me out: those sinks americans have in their kitchens that you can destroy stuff with

[hoechlin]

wait… y’all don’t have garbage disposals? 

[spooky-lanegirl]

No, we just have a garbage can, nice and friendly, not trying to eat my fucking hand

[kuttithevangu]

Honestly the mere fact that some people refer to Daddy Long Legs as “harvestmen” is creepier than 90% of all deliberately created horror but like the worst part is that the alternative is calling them Daddy Long Legs

[pipistrellus]

#WHAT ARE THEY HARVESTING #I AM HAUNTED AND VEXED

[apinchofsanity]

They are harvesting our sorrows

[sweaterweathercub]

True harvestmen, and not cellar spiders which are the other Daddy Long Legs, are truly omnivorous- known to eat everything from spiders, to fecal matter, to leaves and fungus… But one of the singularly most interesting habits of a particular European species is their almost symbiotic relationship with beehives– particularly man-made beehives. When a bee dies inside the hives, workers will remove the the corpse to just outside the hive just before dark. And the harvestmen? Well, they live up to their name.

[feynites]

So what you’re saying is that they are the grim reaper for bees.

[morrithal]

The grim beeper

[officialjiggly]

What are the healthiest teas

[stalling]

Honesty, integrity, and loyalty

[officialjiggly]

Can y'all ever just give me a normal answer

[latinkilledtheromans]

MYSTERY STORY TIME

So there was a single, solitary kiwi on our counter in the kitchen.

And I decided to make fun of my roommate for it, because who buys one, single, solitary kiwi? So I asked her that.

Roommate: I didn’t buy a kiwi.

Me: This isn’t your kiwi?

Roommate: No?

Me: But this isn’t my kiwi.

Roommate: That kiwi was there when I got home.

Me: I don’t even eat kiwi!

As you can see, it’s a real kiwi. Here it is, on my counter, giving away nothing.

But I was still confused as to where it came from. Did one of us accidentally buy a kiwi at the store? 

So I looked up the Kiwiny company to figure out which stores it’s sold at, to see which one of us might have bought it, since we tend to use different grocery stores.

Kiwiny doesn’t have American retailers.

There is literally no reason for this kiwi to be in my kitchen.

[221cbakerstreet]

It came all the way from Italy and this is how you welcome it

[brucebocchi]

DC locals fucking with inauguration tourists was easily one of the best things to happen this weekend

[beulard]

But…why? If they were politely asking a question, giving someone false information just because you don’t agree with them is pretty shitty.

[brucebocchi]

counterpoint: eat my asshole with ketchup and mustard

[neo-soulless]

^^^ still my fav response to anything

[babyanimalgifs]

via babygirle

[spudsexuall]

My boyfriend talks in his sleep and because he’s bilingual, he says some hilarious/weird/sometimes creepy shit. I ask him every morning if he remembers saying this stuff and he has no idea about any of it. 

Here are some of my favorites:

-”Babe, can you please turn down the brightness of your skin” -After stealing all of the blankets: “This is my right as a human” -After I take the blankets back: “I don’t want your freedom, America. Just blanket” -Sometimes he just says “Hello?” as if he’s answering a phone call -One night he just said “Cabbage” which is weird because he doesn’t know the english word for that when he’s awake.  -After spooning me: “You have a nice butt” -”Who is that in the corner?” (terrifying) -”Watch out for the red lady” (even more terrifying) -Sometimes he will say things in German and it sounds like he’s speaking Parseltongue -One time I actually think he said something in Parseltongue -One time he talked about buying a ticket to “everywhere” and then just said “hello?” after two minutes of silence -And my all time favorite: ”This is MY yogurt, Satan”

[homophu-deactivated20180101]

the healthbyholly holy trinity

[egg-tampon]

back in my day we didn’t call it “shitposting”, we called it “nightblogging” and blamed the australians

[mycatstail]

I’ve been on this god forsaken website for too long.

[dagashi-deactivated20160725]

hey if you’re under 18 dont post nudes of yourself 

[haileythesorceress]

Hey if you’re under 18 do whatever the hell you want with your body because it’s your body

[spookylass]

Hey if you’re under 18 and post nudes of yourself that is child pornography.

[yall-mothafuckas-need-misha]

[mjalti]

my plan is to jog in a zip code where the average house is $1 million dollars. i jog everyday. i run into the trophy wives jogging club. we jog past each other so often, they’re forced to interact with me. we’re friends now. i’m invited places. i meet other millionaires, men who love me. i marry the richest, using an alias. throughout the first year of marriage, i’m moving assets and cash to an off shore bank account. i fake my own death on our anniversary. he’s heartbroken.

i started jogging in a new million dollar neighborhood. i’ve just made friends with the local jogging crew headed by ashtonlynn and brotyna “chichi” who has a single millionaire brother,

[eclipticzero]

Is there any version of this plan where I don’t have to jog

[mjalti]

u only have to jog past the ladies which is like 46 seconds. suck it up for the fraud of it all

[jennyflints]

if u think i care about u more than i care about my dog ur strongly mistaken