Current character fixations → Clive Handforth, Larry Da Vinci, Victoria Von Bathysphere (LBP2🌎🧶) , Harold and Tyler (TD🏝️🪧)
IMPORTANT NOTES!!(please read↓)
-I suffer from depression(drawin' and literature are coping mechanisms) that rooted up from November of last year and also have troubles with social anxiety, so it's a bit difficult for me to be the one to firsthand approach one else.
-I have severe troubles with anxious attachment, my anxiousness and overthinking tends to spike because of it, though it is only sometimes frequent.
my response t @gluttonous-sandman 's most recent post..
I am one of the aforementioned mutuals mentioned in their post, I would like t confirm that me and Herbert did know each other, since two of their drawings included in the post have my oc in them, that's not very important though, this whole situation with them has been a genuine train wreck and it has left me emotionally wounded and hurt, I've only grew so much more appalled and sickened with more evidence of Herberts behavior that was provided to me by Gluttonous, I genuinely cannot fathom the thought that I stuck around with them for as long as I did, the only thing I got from this situation is more mental fracture and self loathing, I've typically felt like I was not helping them when reaching out to them, only making their mental stability worsen, it began to further break me, especially since I had dealt with a situation like that with an ex friend last year + me still dealing with depression and anxiousness during the long run of everything
I wish I could've just cut them off sooner, I don't know, it's all just so much to comprehend and digest, it hurts real badly though, as I felt like I've let them down completely
alright. i seriously didnt want to make this at all considering this is about an ex friend of mine (who goes by she/they now) who i met on this fandom. one i considered to be extremely close to me and even as a best friend but i have been told that i wasn't the only one who went through this. that i cut off on good terms. Please refer to the post linked here for context + my experience with them.
Now before i say anything, Please do not harass me or the people involved including the person im talking about, it never solves anything other than create more harm. this isn't a callout post or a post out of malice. If you're friends/mutuals with them, Please dont think im attacking them by any means. this is purely out of concern. /gen
this also may contain mentions of possible abuse, toxicity, and suicide, so please beware.
To put is bluntly, they need to take a LONG break from not just tumblr, but the internet as a whole.
Now. They went by a ton of names and handles over the months (with them deleting and making new/alt accounts) such as
@/avalonbpillow
@/burningmyburnerlol
@/drherbertschizobotham
@/confetticosmicwitchbrowniez
and anything similar
but their art is pretty recognizable. like shown below. i really did think their art is wonderful and still do think that but since they've constantly change names, this is one of the few ways they'll be recognized. they even drew fanart of me considering we were mutuals at the time. they used to go by
these are shown to be by a mutual who also went through a similar experience as a did.
Said mutual, Who I'll call Ren aka @clivehandforths-ink (15), has said that throughout the experience of knowing them, they have shown signs of being mentally unwell and shown that they shouldn't be on the internet. with the cycle of having sudden urges to deleting everything and cutting everyone off while planning to kill themselves before immediately doing a 180 and putting goals (Like taking a proper break from the internet and improving their mental health) and then going against those said goals.
while it was an depression spiral or something else, they've actively downplay/dismissed their own emotions and other's help/comfort like Ren with things like "You dont have to pretend to like my art anymore" or "Just say you dont like me" while saying that they should've died a long time ago and that the people that prayed on their death are right.
Essentially, in their own words.
"well, they've made me feel super fearful and anxious over the numerous vent posts they've made when I was around because I feared they would take their own life, I've felt like I was always the reason for their troubles and it genuinely made me break down at one point, I felt like I always had to check up on them to make sure they wouldn't end up killing themselves and it was a huge weight on my mental health
overall I felt like their suffering was my fault
I should also add that during my time around them, when they were at their low in recent times, I held deep regret and guilt, and I genuinely wanted to kill myself because of my regret and guilt I felt, I just never spoke up about it because I never saw a point in doing so. even if I did make a post speaking up about it, I would've deleted it within minutes due to my anxiousness and pushing my issues onto other people in my life, and I don't want to do that. "
Once i heard of this for the first time by another person who was effected by this (One who i wont name), i was taken it back and shocked. While Ren went through something akin to emotional abuse and a overall toxic friendship, the other person (also 15) described being around them as being used like a punching bag.
I wont go more indepth unless anyone else with experience with them would like to come out about this. if you do see them around here, i recommend blocking them and moving on. thank you for reading this post through and through and i hope you understand. once again, this isnt a callout post to shame someone off the internet but rather a post out of concern for their mental health and state of mind considering it's been going on since late june/july of suddenly wanting to harm themselves.
Artist note: This isn't a way to target this person or anything. i need to let these emotions out before they consume me. I understand why he lashed out all those times. i understand the pain he feels and he goes through. maybe he wont get this message for a long time or he's looking at it right now. i may not understand everything but i know the suffocating of trauma and pain can fuck you up mentally. the feeling that everyone can't like you, won't like you, talk behind your back. but i was there for you, atleast i tried.
maybe i shouldn't be crying over a broken friendship when this had happened several times in a span of a couple months, but i want to greif. i need to.
i hope you're alright but just stick with your word and please dont let your partners or yourself contact me at this time. maybe in the future when everything clears but i'm closing the door. i wish you the best and hope for healing to your path. just know that i ment every kind word i said to you.
maybe i'll delete this. but this whole this have been crumbling my mental health.
Update: Sooo you saw that this post disappeared for a bit.. let me explain.
turns out, after getting closure within dms yesterday and keeping it on good terms, they blocked me on here too EVEN THOUGH he said and i quote "I will always be here, even in a distance, cheering you on," PLUS specifying he'll only UNFRIEND and not block. i'm sure it's for his own health but you could've atleast be straightforward with it instead of lying to my face with how you feel.
i'm keeping this up instead of deleting or privating anything, there isnt any screenshots taken from our conversation for privacy reasons (im not feeling THAT PETTY). i'm still not mad just now confused, hurt, and feel as if i seriously can't trust someone who wont be honest with me.. atleast match your actions with your words. i have him blocked for now and if you're willing to dm me about him, i'll have you block too for my own mental health. i'm still keeping my word with everything i said, but with how things are, i seriously can't keep helping him. i hope he has a wonderful future and an amazing path to heal. I know alot has happened for him, and i'm sorry that he's been going through this, but hopefully you'd understand how i feel
i'm just hoping you'll never contact me for now, thanks. maybe in the future, but i have a feeling you would never talk to me ever again with how i hurted you with cutting things off. /dir
HEY UHH I swear I'm not ignoring you with rhe recent post.. Tumblr isn't letting m reply back,, and I fret that you think I'm not responding on purpose gulp... but I'm not..I was gonna say tht I agree with your points..
HEY UHH I swear I'm not ignoring you with rhe recent post.. Tumblr isn't letting m reply back,, and I fret that you think I'm not responding on purpose gulp... but I'm not..I was gonna say tht I agree with your points..
It boggles my mind how people draw Sirius Oculus with a way lighter skin tone, like my god, that is a black man, is it so difficult to draw him with that canon skin tone??
I will admit I didn't even know he had a canon skin color until someone in a disc server brought it up and then I noticed the color of his neck and then it clicked
it peeves me when people draw him white, because he isn't, there's no way around that
