the textposter

Ascendant top-tier textposter and also real human being who goes to UC Berkeley

[lavagoth]

Visit Original Link

[tinybed]

[avvocarlo]

had a couple ciders and this song is making me go crazy

[allegations-moved]

[pureslime-deactivated20191020]

The feelings I had while viewing this videoclip are indescribable

[snoopingasusualisee]

[mgs3]

[neverthere12345]

[brainstatic]

So, Melania hasn’t been seen in 15 days but the president sees apparitions of her. Just another normal day in the normal timeline.

[prof-grace-aspen]

what

[chuchisriyo-deactivated20181102]

guys did he kill her

[brazilianturbofolk]

i thought this was maybe some onion article but nope, it’s real: https://twitter.com/washingtonpost/status/1000067950177669121

oh jeez

[tropiyas]

“i am a monument to all your sins” is such a fucking raw line for a villain it’s amazing that it came from halo, a modernish video game, and not some classical text or mythos

[biggest-gaudiest-poltergeist]

classic texts have nothing on the crazy people come up with in modern times tbh

[cerastes]

“I survived because the fire inside me burned brighter than the fire around me.”

– Joshua Graham, Who Is A Fallout New Vegas NPC, Something Most People Throwing This Quote Around Don’t Realize

[sparkylurkdragon]

“If the world chooses to become my enemy, I will fight like I always have.”

– Shadow the Hedgehog in what is widely considered one of if not the single worst game in the Sonic the Hedgehog franchise

[tarradash]

[spookyscaryskeletitties]

this is the source for this text and it haunts me on a regular basis

[onion-souls]

[my-slideshow-wmv]

Visit Original Link

this sucks!

[spudislander]

Visit Original Link

Every second beat of Smooth Criminal, by Michael Jackson.

“You been hit, struck by… booth.”

[oldzoearchive]

I want a playlist full of these to just casually play at a party without explanation.

[theweirdwideweb]

[zagreus]

Visit Original Link

[powerburial]

the part in a JRPG where u sneak onto a pirate ship but get caught and have to break out of jail

[korolevx-deactivated20180128]

new favorite tumblr interaction of all time: knockoff sandsverse blog apologizing without breaking character for accidentally calling someone a monkey for being a terf because they turned out to be desi

[railroadsoftware]

blease don’t think i’m racist

[wetorturedsomefolks]

how does this, the best post on tumblr, have so few notes

[sexhaver]

one of my brother’s cousins is 17 and running this weed instagram where he invents weed slang that’s outlandish even by california standards and the house has slowly stopped speaking english as we imitate it

[sexhaver]

im losing my fucking mind

[swollennugs]

[beatcroc]

god im going to be fucking hallucinating this video for months ok there’s just so much to this to break down

the initial fact they’re talking through a hand puppet with the oobi eyes 

the horrible, horrible desynch between their words and the movements of the hand 

lack of any clear place the hand is looking 

“dwells in the depths”. just the whole sentence itself and the weird inflection on it.

the fact that the dude clearly already discovered this thing and was so moved by it they went to record it 

“wuoah”, and the split second of open-palmed hand that no longer resembles a puppet 

the weird fade in on the music and the fact it sounds a little distorted at first 

the very specific but undefinable emotion conveyed by the music 

the inconsistent zoom 

[dogjpeg]

moe anime girls are brachycephalic that’s why they make those shallow snuffly snorty breathing sounds when they get excited or do any kind of physical activity

[dogjpeg]

I’m watching Clannad and the moe brachycephalic hypothesis could also explain why the girls have such dazed movements, slow soft voices, and glazed over eyes. They just aren’t getting enough oxygen to their brain.

[tangarang]

selective breeding has rendered moes biological abominations

[picsthatmakeyougohmm]

hmmm

[1029384756-1029-deactivated2018]

[snoopingasusualisee]

[bunniope]

[setheverman]

hello i know all of you hate sports but here are some real football (soccer) headlines from recent times that you can still enjoy:

Arsenal’s Alexis Sanchez victim of magic as Peru fans curse him with tortoise

Are there good white soccer players?

Asamoah Gyan holding press conference to deny he used rapper as human sacrifice

Shaqiri: “One time I was injured at Inter and Mancini sent me to a miraculous healer in the mountains. Didn’t help me at all. At Stoke we’ve got seven physios.”

Hernanes on celebrating after scoring against his old club- “It was the saddest backflip of my career”

Zlatan apologizes for calling France a shit country

“Balotelli is very nice, but he used to pee on our boots” - Kerlon

Buddhist monks behind Leicester City incredible start, claims Vardy

Lasagna scores an injury time goal that will be hard to digest for Inter fans (Inter-Carpi 1-1)

Benitez sacking not announced yet because the area for press conference is occupied for a kids party

Michail Antonio is no Homer Simpson, says West Ham boss Slaven Bilic

Daniel Sturridge admits to spraying fragrance on kit before games and enjoying smelling of strawberries

Slaven Bilic on Big Sam: “The players will respect him. He’s a big man. He’s Big Sam. You see him on the television, he fills the screen. You are looking for the board with the sponsors names behind. Where have they gone? You can’t see them.”

Tokelo Rantie dropped from South Africa national team for farting at the coach: “The flatulence was so suffocating that the putrid stench continues to hover over the team like a dark cloud.”

Harry Redknapp says he wants to sign Benoit Assou-Ekotto for Birmingham City, but the player wishes to be a pornstar.

Leroy Fer on accidentally buying a €30,000 horse: “Sh*t I’ve got a horse”

Porto claim they’ve access to emails which confirm Benfica spent €70k on witchcraft last season to help them win the Liga

Mike Ashley: “I am not Obi Wan Kenobi in charge of the Death Star”

Dick Advocaat (Dutch national team coach) last week: “Sweden won’t win 8-0 against Luxembourg”. At the moment, Sweden is leading 8-0 against Luxembourg

New Bayern coach Heynckes at press conference: “My daughter and my wife advised me on my decision. Then my dog Cando barked twice and the deal was sealed.”

Carles Puyol slapped by dildo wielding fan in Russia after World Cup draw

Moise Kean’s father claim Juve owe him farming equipment in exchange for a contract with his son

Franck Ribéry tells a fan to “go and eat his grandma’s ass”

Saudi Player faces jail time for dabbing

Sean Dyche: “I don’t eat worms and I never have.”