I hate any and all attempts to shoe horn the crows into a nuclear family dynamics not just because it’s a misunderstanding of what found family means or is commonly used as a means to hate on non canon ships and those who like them but also because it’s clear people don’t understand you can just have deep and meaningful friendships that are just that; friendships. they don’t need to be “sibling-like” or “father son” (everytime I see this with Kaz and Wylan I lose a year off my life) bonds to be important, meaningful, and deep. just let them be group of teenagers who are best friends god damn it.
I have a sinking feeling about Qifrey and where his story is headed.
MASSIVE spoilers and maybe slightly long-winded theorizing below the cut.
I believe quite certainly that Qifrey intends to reveal the complete truth to Olruggio very soon, and that while he seems to be accepting his fate, he is trying to maintain as much control over the terms of his inevitable end as possible.
Following the events of Chapter 88, after he reveals his nature as a Silverwood host to Coco, he asks to postpone his complete confession, wishing to be able to reveal the truth elsewhere, in a peaceful place beneath a wide open sky where his roots would have room to comfortably grow. He has described the land around the atelier in this way many times before.
Later, when the entire group is finally reunited and Olruggio tells Qifrey they’re going home. Qifrey’s expression looks pained for a moment, before he answers, “Alright then. Let's go home. Our atelier awaits."
His verbal recognition of the atelier as his home is a rather glaring signal that he is beginning to accept his imminent end and has chosen the atelier as his ideal final resting place. This is hinted at early on in a sequence during which Beldaruit spoke to Riliphin of the Silverwoods, and implied that he knew of Qifrey’s condition as he privately worried that his beginning to think of the atelier as his home could be dangerous for him.
At a point during their journey home, we return to the group to find the girls all asleep, while Qifrey has distanced himself from the rest, sitting on the bank of a lake to write in his book. Olruggio joins him and points out how far he’s sitting from the fire.
I think this was probably intentional in an effort to be closer to the lake to keep himself anxious, since it is my personal theory that here, Qifrey is actually writing a letter to Olruggio in which he tells him the entire truth, and that the narration through the next arc is comprised of excerpts from that letter. The lake is intended to be a failsafe of sorts, since of course, we know that vocalizing the truth to Olly is Qifrey’s greatest comfort trigger, while water touching his skin is his biggest anxiety trigger. Given this, it makes sense for him to choose this particular spot to begin to release the truth so he has a means of keeping the Silverwood at bay readily available should he need it, which he evidently does later on.
In the segments that follow, Qifrey reminisces on how he and Olruggio crossed paths at the Great Hall and became close.
Through the end of chapter 91, we watch the story unfold neutrally as though it is happening in real time, with no narration, but in chapter 92, something shifts. As soon as Qifrey’s recount reaches the part of the story that would have been lost to Olruggio’s memory, a past-tense narrator voice begins to cut in, and suddenly, it becomes clear this story is being told to someone, not merely recalled, and not just to anyone, but to Olruggio by Qifrey. This is the strongest evidence that what we’re reading is actually the contents of a letter to Olruggio.
All of this indicates to me that Qifrey is not just reminiscing, but is actively preparing for the end. The telling of the story, the physical and emotional distance Qifrey has put between himself and the others, and his now repeated framing of the atelier as both home and the kind of place where he would want to be forever, are all supportive of that.
As far as we know, Qifrey hasn’t been the one to initiate a full confession since they were kids at the Tower of Tomes. Spilling his guts in a letter written under duress is probably a new tactic, and it’s a smart one, as it ensures Qifrey can get the complete truth out on his terms without the usual interruption from the Silvertree.
We also know that Qifrey would rather die than have his transformation hurt the people he loves, so at this point, I wouldn't put it past him to leave the letter at home where the others will find it before going off to trigger his transformation alone, or waiting until the others are gone to trigger it.
This is what has me especially worried for him now, because Olruggio and the girls just left the atelier, leaving Qifrey there by himself. Maybe I'm projecting (probably), but the thought of Qifrey leaving a note and then going off to essentially kill himself makes my stomach hurt. Painfully though, it does feel in character, especially now that he's vocalized his trust in his students, particularly Coco, to carry on his mission. Olruggio, please go home now, your husband is an active danger to himself!!
Fortunately, Hiehart and Jujy pay the atelier a visit, but even upon greeting them, he does already seem on edge and uncharacteristically down.
Hopefully, whatever Hiehart has to say will get Qifrey out of his head and convince him to keep living for a little while longer. I'm guessing he's going to ask Qifrey to take on Jujy as his apprentice. I guess we'll just have to wait and see.
Anyways. To conclude, here is Qifrey’s directed narration/possible excerpts from a letter to Olruggio compiled:
Every day I turned my gaze away from the encroaching dread, and for as long as I was in the dark, I was happy. I greeted each morning with excitement, for with the rise of the sun came another adventure with you. I thought if I could retrieve the past I lost, my joy would be as genuine as yours, and perhaps I would have a real chance to share in your happiness. A child can dream. Like ordinary boys, we would share our visions of tomorrow with each other and we would laugh at how far away it all seemed.
Little did I know that felicity came with forgetting. It was a bliss born of ignorance. If I knew what I was… If I knew that I was never meant to be saved, I would've stayed far away from you, the sky’s kindest, most radiant star.
I once read an old poem that likened stars to boats sailing through the sky. But as far as I know, boats don’t twinkle like stars. The light doesn’t come from the vessel itself, but its guiding torch. Like your pyreball, it burns at the bow. A beacon of light in the dark.
After that fateful day, you would uncover my secret again and again. Each time you would respond with disbelief. Then your face would twist and turn in anguish. And after biting back a few words, you would show me grace, and comfort me and forgive me for lying to you. And then, without fail, the Silverwood’s roots would grow. You would offer me the same path back every time, and I would take it, adding to my mess of sins.
I had often considered leaving your side. I thought that perhaps traveling alone would save me from taking away your memories. But even that minute solace was enough for the Silverwood. I knew then that distance would do nothing but break my promise to you.
So I had another thought: A master never wants for worry with apprentices to look after. The selfishness behind my reason for taking on pupils made me ill, but they’d never have to know that. So I decided to put every fiber of my being toward becoming a good educator. If only I had known then what a joy it truly is to watch your students grow with each passing day.
It’s somewhat rare for a Silverwood to take root in people. Unlike animals, they tend to hold onto too much anxiety. Which is why the tree planted in Custus that gave him his legs raises some questions. My right eye was the only one to sprout during the experiments. It must have some connection to the Silverwood in Custas. For so long, I thought I was the only host, but now I'm not so sure. There could be more victims out there than I ever imagined.
Did I make the right choice?
Would it have been better to throw everything aside and hunt down the brimmed caps?
Doubts like these turn in my head, but the moment I see my atelier, I remember.
This is where my heart is. This is where I want to be.
thinking about how genya is described as the most beautiful and insanely incredibly gorgeous and wonderful and awestrucking and captivating person alina had ever seen just for them to not be canon
the way genya is absolutely leagues better than mal or the darkling like don't even mention those two around me
Something that's been on my mind lately is the fandom's portrayal of Jan Van Eck and how it tends to stray from canon quite a lot. I often see him depicted as a clean-cut irrationally angry and violent villain, which is true to an extent, but there's more nuance to it.
What gives Jan such power over Wylan is his emotional detachment. He's not constantly seething over Wylan's illiteracy or gloating over sending him away; he is simply unresponsive, and talks in an eerily matter-of-fact way about his son's failures. He refers to the beatings as just a technique to 'fix' Wylan instead of an emotional response. Wylan spits in his face and all he does is calmly wipe it off and then get his lackeys to do the beating for him, because his son isn't worth the effort of bloodying his hands. The only time we ever see Jan act with an emotion stronger than vague disdain towards Wylan is when he poses a threat to Jan's empire (on Velgeluk, after the auction) because the only thing he cares about is money. He loved Wylan as an heir, not a son, and once Wylan proved he couldn't fill that role, Jan completely lost interest. Even his hatred for Wylan wasn't really personal.
If Jan was irrational in his abuse, Wylan would have hated him, might even have sought vengeance. But Jan was cruel and logical. He got into Wylan's head and made him believe he deserved the things that happened to him and the abuse was just the way the world would treat him (which to an extent he wasn’t even wrong about, as we see the council were appalled at him accusing Wylan of illiteracy). Wylan wasn't angry at his father more than he was angry at himself, believing himself responsible both for his failure as a son and what happened to his mother. Even until quite far into book 2, Wylan was still seeking his father's validation and forgiveness.
Jan is a successful villain because Wylan doesn't even perceive him as one until the very end. He was righteously angry at his father because of what happened to Inej and Marya, but never really about what happened to him, because he truly believed that Jan had his best interests in mind, and that he was right about Wylan's shortcomings. Throughout almost everything, Jan was logical and composed, and that's where his power comes from.
All this to say, I think Jan is more nuanced and dangerous than some of the ways the fandom depicts him, which is what makes Wylan's relationship with him complicated. He isn't really driven by blind hatred for Wylan; he's driven by money and greed, and I wish fanfics touched on this as a source of Wylan's sense of inadequacy more often, because no attempt to prove himself as a son would ever make him the one thing Jan wanted him to be: an asset. Letting go of the desire to live up to that impossibility and finding strength in what he already had was the key to Wylan's development.
The Wesper dynamic of Jesper being the one who flirts and jokes but Wylan being the one who actually makes the moves is soooo important to me actually:
For Jesper, flirting is just something he does. It’s a defense mechanism at this point, he puts on this persona so that people will like him and not notice everything that’s going on under the surface. It’s part of why he doesn’t keep a committed relationship, that would mean he has to let people past this layer he’s made and show them the mess underneath. He’ll tease and flirt and deflect all day, but when it comes to actually making a move on someone he cares deeply about, he doesn’t want to take the risk.
And then you have Wylan. Wylan who has never been allowed autonomy, Wylan who’s learned to hide his weaknesses or risk having them beat out of him, Wylan, who puts on this front of being very blunt and straightforward because if you show that you’re soft you’re not gonna make it in this world (seriously, he’s sooo mean and sarcastic at the start of the series and I think people tend to forget it). He’s on his own for the first time and finally allowed to feel what he wants to feel and show his interest in the things he likes and make choices he never would’ve made previously because his father doesn’t control him anymore. He’s begun to figure out how to survive and now he’s starting to discover who he is as a person. We actually see him becoming less snappish and more gentle even as we see him being more morally grey, because he’s able to feel comfortable with who he is for once in his life.
And Wylan sees Jesper. He realizes that Jesper’s got his defenses up, and he sees through them. He knows that Jesper will play games with him all day but might never make a move, and so he takes it upon himself. He doesn’t play the same games as Jesper. He gathers the information he needs (“just girls?”), he takes the time to learn about Jesper, and when he’s ready, when he thinks Jesper is ready, he takes the leap. He makes the ultimate choice for himself, lays it all bare, and kisses Jesper. And from then on they’re in perfect sync. They push and pull at each other. Wylan helps Jesper feel comfortable with his identity as a Fabrikator. Jesper helps Wylan step into his position in the merchant council. Jesper does the talking and Wylan does the action.
I don’t actually know how to end this but I’m sooooo normal about them as you can clearly see
currently thinking about how willing wylan was to be tailored to look like kuwei.
like sure, proving kaz wrong, making his father look like a fool, etc. all good things!
but also, what freedom must there have been in no longer looking like the person you fear more than anything? the man who hurts you and hates you?
but then seeing the paintings from his mother, so lovingly done, hearing the way jesper sees him, could be seen as a reclamation of his face. it was not his fathers face that these people, these good people, loved and saw goodness in. it was wylan’s face. it did not matter where it came from anymore, because now it’s his to do with it as he pleases.
hmmm I know we can surmise that kaz & jordie were the iphigenia of the series, in that, whether it's fair or not, they had to be sacrificed for the benefit of everyone else. jordie had to die and kaz had to suffer it and live with it, because if kaz had lain down and died on the barge, it would have had a crazy knock-on effect. inej likely would never have escaped the menagerie, or matthias from hellgate, jesper would probably have fallen foul of debtors or gangs some way or another (he gets at least one beating from enforcers), nina would have been caught up w the dime lions trying to get matthias out of hellgate, and there's even some more tangential ones, like kuwei probably dying at the ice court and marya being stuck at saint hilde.... but I wonder what would have happened to wylan.
kaz had him under dregs protection, so he never suffered the way he did ("kaz is your luck, merchling."); no beatings, etc. without that... well, it's tempting to think that wylan would have just been killed some way or another. and yeah, maybe, but miggson and prior couldn't get him, could they? wylan has that scary glimmer of the biting-animal, kaz-style survivalist in him, and he had a goal; amass enough money to get the hell out of ketterdam and start anew. but how far would wylan have gone to get that money? van eck's letters pushed him into the arms of dregs munitions building. without the perpetual intervention of kaz-- protection, constant jobs even when there were better people for it, good pay-- how quickly would wylan have turned into someone more like kaz? he has a core of decency, but he gets the privilege of keeping that, because kaz helps him to. alone, would he have surrendered it, or been forced to surrender it, just for a chance to survive? I don't think he would have ever willingly given up. it's not an accident that kaz and wylan's first days in ketterdam are so closely paralleled, or that they have a set of similar skills/traits; it's explicitly said that wylan would also be able to count cards and control decks like kaz can, if he wanted to. and after he finds out about his mother, wylan's comforted by the idea of retribution for van eck, that kaz could destroy his father's life. they're a little bit too similar. but kaz is there to take the moral fall, for the most part; all wylan has to do is help him. but without kaz... well. that's another story, isn't it?
