Banishment is the funniest punishment I can think of. Just get out of here

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@colonel-sassacres
Banishment is the funniest punishment I can think of. Just get out of here
Banishment is the funniest punishment I can think of. Just get out of here
c. 1890 Postcard
HAPPY NEW YEAR GO INTO THE SOUP
Twas the nizzle before Christmizzle, when all through the hizzle Not a creature was stirring, not even a mizzle; fo shizzle The fitteds were hung by the homies with care, In hopes that St. Nizzle soon would be there; The bitches and hoes were all snug in their beds, While visions of bling-bling shined in their heads; My bitch with her swag, and me in my do-rizzle, Had just settled down for a long ass nizzle, When out on the stoop some bitch came around, I sprang from my crib, to knock this fool down. Awizzle to the window I flew like the Flash, Tore open this bullshit and threw out the trash. The moon had her fine titties glistening on the snow Damn son, now I gotta clean this up too, yo, When, what to my wondering eyes should appizzle, But a nice ass stretch, and eight fine ass hoes, With a fly old pimp, steppin from the weed fog, Woah, hold up nigga, mothafucka’s Snoop Dogg! Faster than shots in a bar his homies they came, And he whistled, and shouted, and called them by name; “Yo, Dasher, Pole Dancers- Prancer and Vixen! Yo, come on, Comet, Cupid, Donna and Blitzen! To the windows! to the walls! Now run bitches! Run bitches! Goddamn y’all!” He lit up that joint with a flick from his Bic, You know he’s one to puff-puff good shit. But I heard him shout, ‘fore he flew outta sizzle, “Merry Christmizzle to all, and to all a good-nizzle.”
*takes a deep breath*
whats the punchline ?
there is none, i just like to breathe
why’d you reply to your own post?
Modern day Sysiphus
the best part is at the end when you can hear the dispenser go again
White women in the south don’t know how to cook
Last week I watched this YouTube video about a 3rd gen restaurant that makes box lunches in some where Virginia. The front of the house was all white and the owners were white. The people making these labor intensive box lunches were all Black and some of the workers there were 2nd and 3rd gen workers. Watching the video really pissed me off because the people making the food could easily make their own restaurant and the owners wouldn’t know what to do. The owners couldn’t fire the people that prepare their box lunches, not all at once anyways. When the owners said we take care of our people it made sick.
Another restaurant story that pissed me off was this cafe in Charleston S.C. The owners parents had maid to cook their meals. When the woman was getting on years owners asked their former maid to work in the kitchen and teach their chef her recipes. Don’t worry they have a picture of the woman in the restaurant.
All “good ol’ fashioned southern’ cookbooks” were stolen recipes from black women, usually with a smiling ugly racist white woman on the cover.
It’s fucking disgusting
So, a lot of people are offended by this post, and I’m honestly, truly, wholeheartedly, and deeply sorry, that you would think I would give a fuck, about your fucking opinion.
I’m just blocking to save myself from hearing your worthless opinions any further.
here is alton brown saying the same thing - http://twobrowngirlstalkback.tumblr.com/post/147184677153/alton-always-coming-with-the-receipts-get-on-that
Basically, like it *should* be common knowledge that traditional southern cooking was created in black kitchens
Southern/Soul food is rooted in African tradition. Peanuts, also called ground-nuts, were brought to North American from Africa; you can’t stop at a gas station in the south without seeing “boiled p-nuts” for sale. We also call them goobers, which comes from the word “nguba.”
Rice known as “Carolina Gold” wouldn’t have been a cash crop without the knowledge of slaves from West Africa, who already knew how to cultivate it and were sold to plantations because of this skill.
American food traditions, especially in the south, can and should be attributed to the Africans brought here against their will who kept parts of their culture alive despite grueling hardships.
Your insignificance is sacred.
You have been designed un-omnipotent so that you may know yourself and strive towards growth, that your missteps and victories may be lessons to you, and that you may join with others in union.
You have been designed un-omniscient so that the Creation may through you explore a part of itself in depth.
Generational Oppression
Art by Ricardo Chucky || IG
[ID: A realistic painting of a raised black fist over a mottled gray background. At the base of the image, the arm bears a chained manacle. Above it is an unfettered metal shackle. A plastic and metal handcuff with a broken chain rests above that. Finally, over the handcuff, a plastic zip-tie pulls the skin around the wrist. End ID.]
CONTACT YOUR ELECTED OFFICIALS
CONTACT YOUR ELECTED OFFICIALS
CONTACT YOUR ELECTED OFFICIALS
CONTACT YOUR ELECTED OFFICIALS
ways to help protestors if you are unable to protest
everybody has to do their part. as a reference, this was posted on 1 june 2020. if any links are broken or direct to a place they should not, please feel free to add on with corrections. if there is new information with better knowledge, please feel free to share. thank you.
1. donate
do not donate to shaun king. he has repeatedly collected money to “support” black people, but no one knows where the money is.
BAIL FUNDS (ALPHABETICAL ORDER; NOT A COMPREHENSIVE LIST)
note: washington dc and new jersey have cashless bail systems.
bail fund google doc (also includes lawyers for protestors)
national bail fund network (directory of community bail funds)
community bail funds masterpost by @keplercryptids
resistance funds (google sheets; lists bail funds around the country)
nationwide bail funds (split a donation to the bail funds listed on the linked page with a single transaction)
atlanta bail fund
brooklyn bail fund
colorado freedom fund
columbus freedom fund
houston chapter of black lives matter
liberty fund (nyc based; focuses services on people from low-income communities)
los angeles freedom fund
louisville community fund
massachusetts bail fund
minnesota freedom fund (as of may 30, 2020, they are encouraging people to donate elsewhere since they have raised enough money; as of may 29, 2020, they do not have a venmo, as some fraudulent accounts have been claiming, source)
philadelphia bail out fund
richmond bail fund
MORE PLACES TO DONATE
note: more links are listed in the masterposts below.
northstar health collective (healthcare and medical aid for people on the front lines)
reclaim the block (aims to redistribute police funding to help the minneapolis community)
twin cities dsa (provides fresh groceries and hot meals to people in minneapolis)
2. educate yourself
it isn’t enough to sign petitions and reblog/retweet/etc. nonblack people, including people of color, owe it to black people to educate themselves and correct themselves and the people around them on anti-blackness.
note: more links are in the masterposts linked below.
resources and tools regarding racism and anti-blackness (google sheets compilation)
readings on society, racism, the prison system, etc. (twitter thread)
“where do we go after ferguson?” by michael eric dyson
official black lives matter website
3. give out supplies to protestors
people need supplies to protest safely, and even if they bring supplies with them, they can often run out. if you’re able, stock up and hand them out to people protesting. for more supplies to donate, see the “george floyd action” google docs link in section 5.
water bottles (dehydration and heatstroke are not things people should have to deal with alongside bastard cops. if the police in your area are particularly violent or known to use tear gas, get the ones with the sports cap/suction-thing/etc so people can use them as emergency eye-flushes.)
snacks (make sure to take into account that people have allergies of all sorts. foods will have a little label that says “may contain” and then list any potential allergens. write the allergens on the ziploc (or any container you use) in permanent marker, or better yet, write the snacks included in the pack.)
masks (don’t forget there’s still a pandemic going on. also it will aid in deterring facial recognition when the police try to track down protestors, also part two, if the cops use tear gas, wearing a mask (with the combination of a scarf or bandana) will lessen the adverse effects. lessen, not stop.)
bandanas, scarves, etc. and goggles (ski goggles, swimming goggles, etc.) (see above for explanation on the scarves. same goes for the goggles. anti–tear gas and anti–facial recognition.)
clean shirts (for people who are heavily gassed. also helps deter recognition through clothing.)
wound care supplies (band-aids, packets of neosporin packets or a similar antibiotic, alcohol wipes, etc.; if you can, decant bactine into those little travel bottles.)
a sharpie or another type of marker (for writing bail numbers or emergency contacts on arms, hands, etc. it’s not enough to have your city’s bail fund number stored on your phone; the police won’t give it to you to look it up. give people a marker so they can write it down, preferably not washable so it isn’t easily removed.)
IMPORTANT: KNOWING FIRST AID
tear gas: if you’re hit, get out as fast and as soon as you can. take anyone you can with you. the longer you’re in the gas, the harder it will be for you to see, and it can irritate your airways, making it hard to breathe. if you’re hit, don’t run; it’ll only make things worse on your lungs. when you leave the area, take a cold shower. don’t use hot water (it will only reactivate the agent); don’t bathe (it will only spread the CS around). (source 1) (source 2) (cdc fact sheet on tear gas)
move them to a clean and ventilated area where it’s as safe as possible.
ask them if they’re wearing contact lenses. have them remove it. if they’re wearing glasses, rinse it with water.
solution of half liquid antacid, half water. spray from the inside going out, with the head tilted back and slightly towards the side being rinsed. if they say it’s okay, open the eye slightly while doing this. (source)
bullet wounds: the most important thing is to stop the bleeding. be sure to check for an exit wound and cover that as well. treat both wounds, but treat the worse one first.
stop the bleed (youtube video by uc san diego health)
first aid in active shooting scenarios
making a tourniquet (a commercial tourniquet is best, but improvised ones can work as well if done properly; the most important things to remember is that tourniquets are for limb injuries and are not meant for the head or torso and that they have to be very tightly wound on the injury.)
how to apply pressure dressings
miscellaneous
adult cpr tutorial (youtube video by cincinnati children’s; think of “staying alive” by the beegees or “uptown funk”)
4. be a source of information
be responsible with this. people’s lives are at stake. that being said, the media is a fucking joke and the best way to get accurate information in a grassroots rebellion is amongst ourselves. record everything, but if you are going to share any information at all, be sure to blur people’s faces.
signal (encrypted messenger app; messages delete after x amount of time): app store | google play
tool for scrubbing metadata from images and selectively blurring identifiable features
tech tips to protect yourself while protesting (by rey.nbows on tiktok, via vicent_efl on twitter)
cop spotting 101 (google docs)
know your rights (by personachuu on twitter)
NUMBERS TO CALL FOR ARRESTED PROTESTORS (ALPHABETICAL ORDER; SOURCES LINKED TO THE NUMBER)
remember to keep phones OFF unless absolutely necessary. cell phone towers, stingrays, location notifs can all be used to track you and other protestors. don’t fuck around. if your phone must be on, keep it on airplane mode as often as possible and only communicate using encrypted methods. no, snapchat doesn’t count. (a twitter thread on stingrays, for those interested)
lawyers assisting protestors pro-bono (by riyakatariax on twitter)
atlanta: 404-689-1519
chicago: 773-309-1198
minneapolis: 612-444-2654
5. miscellaneous links and links for protestors
masterpost of petitions to sign, numbers to call, places to donate, and more (carrd by dehyedration on twitter)
#blacklivesmatter (google docs by ambivaIcnt on twitter; includes information on relevant events, other masterposts, lists of petitions and donation links, how to protest safely and protests to go to, and more)
george floyd action (google docs; includes information on apps to download, supplies to buy and donate, places to donate to, protest safety, resources on unlearning racial bias, and more)
how to get out of ziptie “handcuffs” (by finnianj on tiktok, via katzerax on twitter)
how can i help? by @abbiheartstaylor
how to make a signal-blocking cell phone pouch
tips for protestors by @aurora00boredealis
twitter thread for protestors (by vantaemuseum on twitter)
also, if you’re protesting, change your passcode. make it at least 11 characters long and don’t use facial/thumb recognition.
edit 1: the minnesota freedom fund is not black-owned. please donate to the black visions collective instead.
edit 2: what to do if you bring your phone to a protest. steps to encrypt your data. / and a second source too.
REVEALED
31 Names of God 31 Glimpses of His Extraordinary Character
ADONAI (Sovereign Lord) ELOHIM (Creator) ELOHIM CHAYIN (Living God) EL CHANNUN (Gracious God) EL DE'OT (God of Knowledge) EL ECHAD (The One God) EL ELYON (Most High God) EL EMET (God of Truth) EL GIBHOR (Mighty God) EL HANNORA (Awesome God) EL OLAM (Everlasting God) EL ROI (The God Who Sees Me) EL SALI (God My Rock) EL SHADDAI (Almighty) IMMANUEL (God With Us) JEHOVAH ELOHAY (The Lord My God) JEHOVAH EZER (The Lord Our Helper) JEHOVAH GMOLAH (The Lord Who Rewards) JEHOVAH HOSEENU (The Lord Our Maker) JEHOVAH JIREH (The Lord Will Provide) JEHOVAH MAKKEH (The Lord Who Molds Me) JEHOVAH MEKODDISHKEM (The Lord Who Sanctifies You) JEHOVAH NISSI (The Lord My Banner) JEHOVAH RAAH (The Lord My Shepherd) JEHOVAH RAPHA (The Lord Who Heals) JEHOVAH SABAOTH (The Lord of Hosts) JEHOVAH SHALOM (The Lord is Peace) JEHOVAH SHAMMAH (The Lord is There) JEHOVAH TSIDKENU (The Lord Our Righteousness) QUANNA (Jealous) YAHWEH (I AM)
CONTEMPTUOUS HARPY! SICKEN YOURSELF WITH ENVY AS MY PUSSY POPS WITH A VIM AND FEROCITY THAT ONE SUCH AS YOURSELF COULD ONLY PRAY OF MATCHING
His voice kills me bro 💀💀💀
Mmm… Delicioso.
😭 he speaks in italics. Perfect.
Omg. I’m crying. 😂
A Canada warbler that struck the window this morning. It was dazed and in pain for a bit but after resting for a while, it regained its senses and flew off.
Unmute !