officer eiffel my beloathed

podcast sideblog! main is @carlianessys

[zortchgender-deactivated2024030]

bad kids birthday headcanons (not astrology based at all)

- fabian was born on a ship in the middle of a thunderstorm in the most pirate birth ever and NO ONE believes him when he says so. partly because Hallariel recounts the story with NONE of the zeal he tells it with, partially because his birth certificate is wildly incorrect, with a birth date that’s months off from when he was actually born. they could only register his birth when they got to dry land, which made things a little complicated. he’s officially born in september, but he celebrates his birthday in July. the bad kids just go with it. he never throws big parties, surprisingly. he doesn’t even want gifts. he just insists that they spend his Entire birthday at the beach, and everyone’s happy to comply.

- i love the idea that fig was born on christmas partly bc of themes (daughter of a devil born on a holy day and being a catalyst to tear gilear and sandra lynn apart) but also bc it’s so cute to imagine gilear and sandra lynn spoiling her rotten with gifts for a double celebration. when fig started rebelling, she initially said that she wanted to stop observing christmas, but when gilear mentioned that she’d only get half the presents, she relented. the best gift that she’s ever gotten from her friends was a sticker from kristen that just says “I LOVE MY FLAMING HOT GIRLFRIEND”. it’s on her guitar

- riz is a january first baby. he’s technically the oldest of all the Bad Kids and he likes using that as leverage even though it functionally means nothing. sklonda would always have to work on that day, no matter how much she tried to get it off, so they have a tradition of just doing a birthday week where she gets Riz a bunch of little trinket gifts for each day of the week after his birthday, and they eat their fav takeout the entire time. he fucking loves it, because singular and big celebrations make him nervous. his fav birthday week gift he’s ever gotten was a set of old walkie talkies that Sklonda bought at a thrift shop. he and Penny used to use them all the time

- adaine, of course, had shitty birthdays. angwyn and arianwen bought her gifts, but it was always stuff that they thought she should have. often it was the only time of year when she’d get new clothes, or they’d give her textbooks. after sophomore year, she burned all the stuff they gave her. she and aelwyn have very close birthdays (both in april, they’re spring babies), and eventually they start doing joint birthdays, because neither of them want to be the sole focus of attention. adaine’s fav makeup birthday gift from jawbone is the one he got her for her 12th birthday, which was a little punching bag. he said that he felt like that was around the time she REALLY started getting into the whole righteous anger thing. he was right, of course

- kristen is an october baby, and her parents used to say it was cause she’s like the harvest; bountiful to all. now she says it’s cause she’s Clearly an evil lesbian witch who was hatched on a fateful hallow’s eve. her birthdays were never really bad before, but they weren’t really fun. lot of church, lot of prayer, the usual. now she likes throwing dumb stupid teenager ragers and getting blasted. the bad kids get her huge piles of halloween candy and they all make themselves sick eating it.

- gorgug’s birthday was always over summer break (he’s an August baby), so he could never ask his classmates to attend his birthday party. his parents felt bad about it, but he was mostly relieved, because that way he never had to put himself through the burden of asking them. his first birthday after meeting the bad kids is a surprise party. gorgug probably didn’t even tell them that it Was his birthday, he just got home and they were there on his lawn with the cookie cake and everything, and he full on cried

[wildehacked]

the thing that's so wonderful about renée minkowski is that she's not infallible, but she IS inexorable. she can be petty, she has a hot temper, she makes mistakes, she's not a genius, she's full of rage and frustration and rogers and hammerstein lyrics. she can be defeated, beaten, and shamed.

but alongside all of that she's just so fundamentally and essentially BRAVE and GOOD and HONORABLE and she genuinely cannot believe that you aren't exactly the same, deep, deep down and she's not always right about that, but her implacable, iron-willed refusal to NOT BELIEVE IT, to NOT put her hand down and EXPECT you to put your hand in it so you can both pull yourselves up to safety is, like....just incredibly shockingly effective. she gets eiffel that way. she gets lovelace that way. she gets jacobi that way, even under the worst possible circumstances. eventually she gets kepler, too, with a little help from jacobi. she's MAGIC. she's like, the fundamental belief in human decency made flesh, but that doesn't mean she's an optimist, or that she doesn't believe in violence! eiffel's the crew optimist! she shoves her trust in jacobi down his throat with a game of russian roulette! idk i just love her. what a force!!!! what an immovable object!!!!!

[doublevampires]

2023

DON'T WANDER

DON'T WHAT-IF

YOU CAN NEVER GO HOME

WALK THE WALK

STARE DOWN THE GHOSTS

BE HERE BE NOW

DON'T LOOK BACK

BE A BIG GIRL

DON'T DIE

[dysaniadisorder]

wolf 359 is is minkowski being like this is a regular space mission and we should be ETHICAL!!!! alright. now hilbert, hera would you send the poison gas through to the comms room please

[no-one-should-have]

[swallowtailed]

[id: a photo of a space station with white meme text over it: What If We Kissed On An External Module Of The Hephaestus (And We’re Both Jacobi) /end id]

[sylvansleuth]

Rekha Shankar🐎 Dimension 20: The Seven

[figsbass]

i think my favourite gorgug line of all time is "you'll never be half the boat my van is" LIKE

[dabidagoose]

Fig and Fabian hanging out is so funny cause they're both just a bit stupid I'm watching them make persuasion checks on Garth cause they both forgot what they were supposed to ask them lmao

[werateaudiodrama]

au where they let outside jacobi in before the solar flare and then they just had to deal with two of them for the rest of the series

[annabelle--cane]

something something themes of (un)humanity in wolf 359. some characters say humanity is defined physically, by Being A Human, to rule out hera and lovelace, but no, those are clearly people. some characters say humanity is defined emotionally and practically, by being compassionate and good, to rule out hilbert and kepler, but no, though they may hurt people irreparably and guiltlessly, those are still clearly people. everyone is a person, you can't just dismiss that when it's convenient, so even if things are dire you have to consider "what's wrong with handcuffs?" first.

[turochamp]

jacobi: why does the stations ai call you babygirl?

eiffel: lets stop talking for a little while

[cosmicrhetoric]

yeah i really have to respect wolf 359 for priming its audience’s tolerance of insane situations so well. like the toothpaste siege was literally episode two but seeing minkowski, who’s the by the book member of the team, smash that mf neurotoxin gas button at literally the drop of a hat sure did prepare us cause suddenly the star is baja blast and whamma jamma and then its the finale and the main villain is like “i can catch bullets” and we’re all like of course he can catch bullets this makes complete sense 

[kravkalackin]

If we needed any proof that Magnus and Lup were best buds, the first time we see them interact Magnus gives Lup a high five at the press conference

and the first thing Magnus does when he sees Lup’s gauntlet with his memory wiped after a decade is give it a high five

[kravitzssythe]

Hey what if one of the reasons why taako was so hesitant to give away his beauty in wonderland was that somewhere deep inside him there was someone who he knew he was supposed to look just like

[googifs]

Astronaut Mark Kelly smuggled a gorilla suit into the ISS, without telling the rest of the crew

[unclefather]

Winston

[papasmoke]

Winston

[gay-jesus-probably]

My favourite incident like this was the Skylab 4 mission, where the crew arrived at the empty station, only to find several people already inside, to their great alarm. Upon investigating, they realized the intruders were wearing the Skylab 3 mission patches… and were also just dummies the Skylab 3 crew had made and left there without telling anyone, specifically to fuck with the next team.

Can you imagine entering a supposedly empty space station and seeing this? Fucking terrifying. I love it.

[derinthescarletpescatarian]

I’m just impressed that, in an environment where weight and available resources are so carefully accounted for, people still find windows to pull bullshit like this.

[cosmicrhetoric]

yeah i really have to respect wolf 359 for priming its audience’s tolerance of insane situations so well. like the toothpaste siege was literally episode two but seeing minkowski, who’s the by the book member of the team, smash that mf neurotoxin gas button at literally the drop of a hat sure did prepare us cause suddenly the star is baja blast and whamma jamma and then its the finale and the main villain is like “i can catch bullets” and we’re all like of course he can catch bullets this makes complete sense 

[cosmicrhetoric]

forgot to mention the characters have to go thru this too after three years lovelace is like uh guys i know you won’t believe me but we’re in a time loop and minkowski just goes uh huh yeah that happens sometimes. what about it

[captain-lovelace-deactivated202]

Literally it’s so funny how my opinion on Hilbert just did a complete 180 because I realized he’s conceptually hilarious. Like ok doctor traumatized we need you to go up into space and infect people with a deadly virus again for human experimentation! Try to be inconspicuous so they don’t catch on for at least a while! [smash cut to Hilbert tying Eiffel to his bed five episodes in]