*Screams Internally*

A side blog for rants secrets and all the emo shit I can't talk to anyone about.

[agoraphobe]

[star-shard]

therapy is so fucking useless

oh what i can sit in some lady's office and do a 'getting to know you' college freshmen game for a month only for them to just say 'heyyyy u shouldn't do something that hurts you :-/ here is a list of coping mechanisms i found in a google search'

like movies make therapy seem so epic and compelling but its really sitting in a glorified principle's office, they tell you 'pain = bad' for an hour, give you shit you could have googled on a print out, and then you go about the rest of your week

holy fucking shit therapy is a fucking scam

[deftoons]

SOUND OF METAL — 2019, dir. Darius Marder

[lifeissimplymadness]

People say to follow your dreams, but what if my dream is to not be alive anymore?

[everythingedxi]

I realize now: it’s not just the sadness that kills you, it’s the idea of being a burden to everyone, too.

—What I can do? What more can i do?

[jan-sila]

Man… existence sure is depressing. It’s like, you get on Tumblr or whatever and everyone else seems so amazing and perfect. You see friends on here that love each other. And then there’s me, that one idiot who complains way too much with no friends.

I honestly just want to be ok.

[forpiscesmoved-deactivated20200]

where’s the lie

[bunnychronicless]

THSNK YOU LMAO

[baydreamz-deactivated20201111]

DUH

[slowspinningredemption]

[fuckyeahexistentialism]

“But how to explain my obsession with destruction? Not self-immolation, / but more of a disintegration, slow, like…. sugar in water. // I dissolve.”

— Erika Meitner, from “Big Box Encounter,” Copia (via lifeinpoetry)

[arabstreet]

I have like 7 different laughs and they’re all ugly

[xhoeeex-blog]

Mistake

[the-artof-dying]

I want to get drunk and do drugs

I want to skip work and stay in bed

I want to hurt myself

I want to push everything and everyone good for me away

I want to destroy my life

That way when I kill myself no one will be surprised, no one will care

[dwarfmun]

im very stupid and helpless…. and im never going to not be garbage …. and i wish no one cared so i could kill myself

[anindescribablemind]

On one hand I want to recover so my life can be awesome and great but on the other hand I think I’m secretly hoping it gets worse so I can kill myself

[writing-s-kills]

At first, when you start therapy, everything seems cool.

Suddenly you realize that it has been 2 years and your biggest accomplishment were that (1) you don’t try to kill yourself every now and then and (2) your loneliness, your sadness, your emptiness are no explict anymore.

But well. They’re still there, right? It’s been two years and life’s still rough. It’s been two years and you still hate yourself. It’s been two years and you still self hurt.

When it comes to this, you undersand that it doesn’t matter where you are, with who you are, all the problems are within you. Things will never get better if you never get better. You can run, change places, change your own self, change your name, your life, your friends, it doesn’t matter. Things will NEVER get better unless you are better.

But… it has been two years and you don’t feel better. So… what’s now? All of you expectations are starting to fade. Everyone says you are better, but you clearly don’t feel better. It’s not because they don’t see it that things are okay.

All these two years you just fucking learned how to hide all of this mess that you are. You do this quite good, actually. Everyone says you are better and you kinda believe it, until you are alone again and all that bad feelings appear in the form of tears and screams.

How can you believe that things will ever be okay, if even when you are doing everything you can, you still hasn’t recover? How can you keep moving forward? How the fuck do you live with this?

How do you live and have hope knowing that it will never get better because you are not getting better? Move to another city, again? It won’t work if the problem is you. New friends? Won’t work. New place? New face? New name? Won’t work.

The problem all this time has always been you and you know it. You’ve trued to get better, you go to your therapy, you take you medicine, your family says your better, you laugh and have joy but… It still there, isn’t it?

Yeah, Todd was right. You are all the things that are wrong with you! (…) It’s you! Alright? It’s you.

How can i live with this?

[im-a-hot-pie]

Goodbye sweetie

[confessionsofasecretemo]

About me though

[emanuelee]

xx