....but.... why?
To quote Cave Johnson: "Science isn't about why, it's about WHY NOT!"
I want a knife gun.
For an updated Ides of March
The Ides of March: Reloaded
brutus is back and this time….. he doesn’t need the whole senate
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@conffusedapple
....but.... why?
To quote Cave Johnson: "Science isn't about why, it's about WHY NOT!"
I want a knife gun.
For an updated Ides of March
The Ides of March: Reloaded
brutus is back and this time….. he doesn’t need the whole senate
Non cooking spray stick
Non spray stick cooking
Non cooking stick spray
yeah okay ill reblog that
Only one question left. One question, and you’ll achieve your wildest dreams. The dream you’ve wanted for twenty years.
You'll be an astronaut.
You looked down at the application, trying to curb your excitement.
“Q: What makes you eligible for the NASA space program?¨
Oh boy. You don‘t have anything specific to share that would make you “eligible” for it, per say. Well, you have one story. It was a pretty long time ago, though. Not to mention that it would sound insane to anyone who’s even remotely grounded in reality. You try to find anything else that you could answer this question with, such as your actual credentials. You come up short.
Oh well. You’ve nothing left to lose. You pick up the pen and start writing.
ᝰ.ᐟ 🛸 ୭˚. ᵎᵎ
In the dead of night (or, what you hoped was dead of night,) you gathered your belongings on your father’s small living room floor. A flashlight, a walking stick, a bag of trail mix, and your helpful guide, B. Man’s Book of Deserted History. It's a big mission. One that, in all honesty, you’re not sure you’re ready for. You’re not sure anyone’s ready for it.
You grab the ripped newspaper clipping from the end table. On it, reads:
US SCARE ATTEMPT OR ROBOT GONE ROUGE?
Plane Driven By Artificial Intelligence Still Missing After Two Months
Yesterday, President Rotwright confirmed again for the uptteenth time that Courtship-17 is, in fact, still missing.. Authorities in the Dexter area, where the aircraft was last spotted, report that no…
You shove it in your backpack, unamused. Dexter is a little under 30 minutes outside of Roswell, meaning that most of the government officials looking for Courtship-17 are looking there. The AARO spent a little less than 18 hours here before packing their bags for a tourist attraction. But you know better. You know it’s in this town somewhere. You grab your dad’s keys off the kitchen counter and bolt out the door, excited to make your discovery.
After a few minutes of driving, however, you came up short. It turns out you were wrong. You park on the side of an isolated road, the moon shining off the sand and rubble. Your mind’s racing. Maybe it did land in Roswell? You don’t see why it wouldn’t have been discovered by now if it were. But maybe it’s hidden somewhere? Do AIs know where to hide? Or how? Did it hate its creators?
You exhale sharply and grip the steering wheel, then check the time on the dashboard. 2:32 AM. You’re out way later than you need to be. Placing the key into the ignition, you rush to dig your map out from the backseat. You try to find your place on the map by dragging your finger from home to the highway you’re on. But you can’t find it. According to the map, it doesn’t exist. You quickly start to panic, frantically turning the map and looking over it again. To no avail.
Desperately, you start the car and hit the gas, continuing down the road. You don’t know where you’re headed. Your vision becomes blurry and blurrier, until you can’t see much of anything. You press your foot down on the gas pedal. Suddenly, you hear a loud crack, and the car stops. Shaking, you slowly step out of the car. You were already lost. The last thing you need now is a breakdown in the middle of nowhere.
You notice the trail first. The trail of slime. It starts from the front left wheel and goes who knows where. You look under the car, only to find darkness. Darkness, and a pair of eyes staring back at you. You--you and that …thing-- stared at each other for what felt like hours. You don’t know what it is. Still don’t, honestly. But there it was. You backed up slowly, and a gloved hand popped out from under the car. Then a hairy spider leg. Only, it wasn’t. It was too big, about the size of a human. You ran away from the car in horror as it started lifting off the ground.
Out came… you still don't know what it is. A spider. A man. A spiderman.. In a banana suit. You went from horrified to confused. As it started working towards you, you walked towards it. It felt like gravity. It felt warm and nostalgic. It felt like you were coming home. You didn’t know where these feelings were coming from. Right when you were about to collide with it, your vision went black.
When you came to, you were at home, staring at the television in the darkness. The time? 3:17 A.M. A man in a yellow tux is hosting Haunted Horrors. You stared down at your hands. You were holding a half-eaten banana, only it had hair--human hair--all over it. Your mouth felt gross. You’ve never felt so lost and confused in your life. The audience on screen starts howling with laughter.
You stayed home from school that day.
the word heresy sounds like what it means and how you use it.
old lady: *clutching pearls* "how DARE you, this is HERESY"
I love language
all you really need in life is love, support and acceptance from your community and one BANGER cookie recipe
Matsune Hiku 🤖
I'm sorry I keep posting my tiktok comments but please. What does this mean. What do people THINK shipping is for anymore???
AO3 authors in the lab creating ships purely for research purposes:
Creating ships for the tax write-off
Creating ships to get that fucking whale.
creating ships to wedge into the Suez canal and disrupt global shipping
my phone isn’t charging even though i plugged her innnnn dramatic ass bitch. YOUR PUSSY IS FILLED! WHAT MORE COULD YOU WANT
Can you stop bouncing and moaning on it 😐 please for the love of god
i see now that i shouldn’t have made this post on tumblr. specifically.
I remember one time I got INSANELY high off of edibles while playing Among Us, and it quickly became apparent to the other players online. I forget how honestly but literally anything "sus" I did was ignored by everyone because I was so fucking high. I tested this theory by standing in front of a body and the person that actually reported it didn't even mention me. The funniest part was when I was trying to do wires, I kept fucking up over and over again, so I was just standing in front of wires for actual minutes trying to figure it out. A small crowd of players gathered around me to watch and would get mad every time someone reported a body or emergency meeting because "she's never going to get her tasks done if you keep interrupting them." I don't think anyone cared about winning at that point, they just wanted to see the high crew mate succeed in her tasks.
I am going to eat this entire candy cane.
You’re going to get a cavity
good
30 min later, not much progress.
Its been an hour. I bit my tongue, my teeth hurts and I’m almost halfway done…
One hour and half done. That’s impressive That takes real skill and perseverance
an hour and a half. my grandma called and I didnt take it so i could eat this… i hate everything
i’d rather be eating anything but this
two and a half hours…. my mouth will never taste normal again
3 fucking hours
I’ve tasted Satans asshole and it tastes like 3 hours of mint.
Please. Please don’t bring this back.
‘Tis the season.
It’s November
TO BE JOLLY
I’ve tasted Satan’s asshole and it tasted like 3 hours of mint
Y’all can’t forget this for like one year can you
fuck no
@hellsite-hall-of-fame
@theshitpostcalligrapher can you do satan’s asshole tasting like mint pls
oh my god this is one of the ANCIENT texts, i remember first seeing post like ten years ago
ink: diamine firestorm
you need a personality to make any kind of noticeable impact y’all to scared to be a person meanwhile there’s creatures pretending they know how you should live your life
be a fucking person they gonna scream no matter what you do whether you die or live doesn’t matter to the wrong person
A blueberry jam cat!