Loser

[historicaltimes]

Carrie Fisher & Debbie Reynolds Meet US President Richard Nixon - Early 1970’s

via reddit

[queenstark]

[deerwife]

i need to put all three of these pictures in a single post. this is significant. this matters. this is why i exist

[esculent-macabre-deactivated201]

[sparreauxchirps]

I just learned the origin of pink lemonade and I need you all to hear this.

So this dude selling concessions at a circus back in like 1857 ran out of lemonade and he needed water to make more, but there wasn’t a stream or water pump, BUT the BAREBACK HORSE RIDER had just washed her pink tights in a bucket of water, staining the water pink. So, being the enterprising fella he was, dude just threw in the lemons and sugar and told everyone it was special strawberry lemonade. Well, the circus patrons saw pink lemonade and thought, “That’s fucking amazing!” and he ended up selling twice as much lemonade than usual.

To reiterate.

This dude sold people sweaty horse crotch water and it was so popular it became an Actual Fucking Thing.

DELICIOUS.

[ct-7567]

Thats pussy babe!

[localstarboy]

“wyd after work”

sleeping for work tomorrow

[left-reminders]

[solardivulger]

*walks around my house looking for scissors while making a scissor motion with my fingers*

[slytherins-slither]

Slytherin: I got a package from my family.

Ravenclaw: Oh, what’s in it?

Slytherin: Seems heavy. Must be their disappointment in me.

[shitslytherinssay]

Shit Slytherins Say: #184

Slytherin: Listen, have I ever put you in an unsafe position?

Gryffindor: All of the time…

Slytherin: Then you should be used to it!

[gaypeopletwitter]

[bellamynochillblake]

we’re going to have to call smut ‘lemons’ again, aren’t we? 

[sparkles-and-trash]

[beggars-opera]

Everyone reblog this as much as possible over the next two weeks for good luck

[dollmaycry]

*waits for tumblr to solve this mess so i can start selling these*

[closetedguyy]

are you going to make shoelaces as well

[sansv0re]

is there a joke i’m missing here

why would he make shoelaces

[closetedguyy]

so we don’t have to steal them from the president

[transmeddragon]

Bad addition to an already bad post

[closetedguyy]

thank you that was my intention.

I’m tempted to add a supernatural gif here but I’m exercising some self control

[crypticcunt-deactivated20230101]

Weak

[closetedguyy]

anyone want to shoot me

[crypticcunt-deactivated20230101]

QUICK, SOMEONE BRING IN SHERLOCK

[dollmaycry]

[insaneinspireddreamer]

[alexander]

[itsmeimcathy]

AU in which bella swan is a simple millennial living in 2018 and reacts to every single weird/supernatural thing that happens to and around her like:

basically channeling her father. so of course she never finds out that edward is a glittering vampire and lives happily ever after

[coocoodoo-blog]

muggle 1: hey, do you ever hear from that kid in primary school with the weird name... hermione, that was it.

muggle 2: nah she kinda dropped off the radar a while back

muggle 2: weird thing though, her parents moved to australia for a bit and stopped talking about her

muggle 1: what?

muggle 2: yeah, like, my mum's friends with her mum, and they just moved one day? hermione wasn't with them, though, and they stopped mentioning her at all

muggle 1: didn't she go to some fancy boarding school? i bet she's, like, training to be a spy

muggle 2: dude, you're so full of shit

[lord-kordin]

Trying to stop all the crimes in the Spider-Man game is just

[srsfunny]

It’s Not About Social Justice

[krabby-kronicle]

[deqm-deactivated20180502]

Out of all the captions that could’ve been put with that picture I’m so glad it’s that one