black hole garbage fire

[coolnomemory]

why is tumblr getting infected by tiktok suddenly? i use tumblr because tiktok fucking rotted my brain. but on some random tuesday morning, my feed is all reposted tiktok videos. no. i do not accept this. give me back my autistic people, biggest gaudiest poltergeists, star wars nonsense, and random text posts. i do not want ai slop on my feed

[coolnomemory]

i deleted most of my socials again (aside from this place bc i dont count it as social media, more an odd social experiment) and im beginning to realize how much i hate tiktok right now. like it fried my attention span and now that im just laying in bed, im literally craving it like an addict. even though if i go on it ill be up until 4am scrolling. none of my friends really get it bc they dont think they have a problem

[coolnomemory]

when the chipotle hits so good that you end up shitting bricks an hour later

[coolnomemory]

currently laying on my stomach on the floor with a pillow under my boobs bc its nice to let something else deal with the 15lbs of fat on my chest. give my back a break already

[coolnomemory]

i have a work crush on my coworker. obviously my friends then get text updates about my life. i type in a stream of consciousness and hit send after every sentence. it took 30 minutes to text my friend about just today with this man. i may be delusional who knows.

highlights include:

"…. in hindsight i should have said yes so he would go but i digress"

"mans actually looked jealous for a minute until (other male coworker) came back into the room (rude of him)"

"and the second we make eye contact we both fall over laughing"

"and they hadnt left yet and (work crush's) like im in charge

and im like uh huh sure you are

you can be in charge back here, ill be in charge of everything else

(fucking (coworker i dont like) butts in RUDELY interrupting my delusional flirty moment in which i wanted to say something along the lines of make me but I DIGRESS)"

"i then have a (empty plastic) water bottle thrown at me 

making me squeak bc projectile

and im laughing so hard

and he is trying to look mad at me but hes lowkey smiling?"

that concludes my delusional chronicles. if im not delusional let me know bc i sure as hell wont notice

[coolnomemory]

whenever people talk about needing a break, they always mean they want a vacation. like no, i just want a week of nothing so i can catch up on laundry and cleaning without worrying about deadlines

[coolnomemory]

okay if i pass out on my own farm at night, not from exhaustion, just from it being 2am, THATS MY OWN BUSINESS. "someone found you" okay that person's a creep and should get off my lawn let me pass out in peace.

[mossy-the-thing]

alr here we go more epic osdysseus

hey @sunny1927 have some more

[coolnomemory]

i dont think ive seen something so valid in my life

[coolnomemory]

everytime i listen to odysseus, and it gets to "lets have open arms instead" "no", i always imagine that eurymachus is holding his arms out like polites and odysseus stabs him through the back instead of of shooting him with an arrow and says no right in his ear. it makes it so much more personal

[homunculus-argument]

Imagine unexpectedly popping up in Valhalla with your pants around your ankles because just half a minute ago you were taking a shit so bad that the Viking gods decided that it should count as dying in battle.

[coolnomemory]

im lactose intolerant. does that stop me? no. but am i gonna endlessly complain about it after i spend and entire day eating cheese? absolutely

[coolnomemory]

absolutely feral for the new season of puppet history. my mom literally made me a mummified goose for christmas we love it so much

[ozempicofficial]

[drtanner]

LOOK alright I know I've said some things about the French in the past, BUT.

If they do this I will be singing La Marseillaise in the fucking streets.

[anotherdayforchaosfay]

Like to charge. Reblog to cast.

[lesbianpoetess]

ao3 turns 15 today

reblog if youre older than ao3

(there's a lot of people asking about this, but the legal age to use social media is 13, except in few countries. so yes, there are people here under 15)

[coolnomemory]

my nutritionist asked me if i was a warrior cats kid (i was NOT) and said i give off that vibe. i think i need to vacate that office and never return.

[coolnomemory]

can someone actually make bantr from ted lasso bc at this rate that is the only way i will actually use a dating app. like im mad that its not real.

[sharkbill]

I reject the notion that Phineas would ever conform to the conventional college-job-suburban house pipline. He is NOT conventional. Boy has fun at college for a WHILE, but it gets old quickly once he exhausts the resources he wants to use. Boy drops out and lives in a van for two years.

Boy starts a tiktok just as an easy way to share his location and what he's doing with his friends and family - no intros no outros no commentary and no tags. Boy accidentally gains a follower count in the hundreds of thousands because his toks are completely out of context and jump wildly between various entirely unrelated locations without reason. You never know where he'll show up next. He's sometimes seen at undetermined fairgrounds or at stranger's houses doing random upgrades/bizarre renovations.

He has no discernible income. It is unclear how he is affording to live like this. His van is twice as big on the inside at LEAST and the followers he has (who he never really address directly instead of rare replies to comments?) are frothing at the mouth. Is this one of those illusion gag accounts???? Is this whole thing a bit???

One video is a perspective of him climbing DOWN from the TOP of a very large conifer, only to see that there's a bear at the bottom watching him curiously. There's a shocked pause and silent laughing from Phineas behind the camera as he casually climbs back up again. "Ferb bro I *wheeze* I need a transport pleeease---" *cuts off*

The next video is of him and Ferb eating hamburgers on the top of the van. This rare Ferb sighting is especially strange because Ferb is not on social media, but he's not around 98% of the time so Phineas's followers have no idea where he comes from. The camera swings away the microsecond before Ferb uses the transporter to phase back to England. Followers only see a flash of light. The theorists go bananas.