copehell96

just my little hole to share stuff. tags I use. ActuallyAutistic, ActuallyPtsd, ActuallyAbused, ActuallyADHD, ActuallyTraumatized, feel good reblog, kin stuff Icon by: http://komeyaiba.tumblr.com/post/84015750123/simons

[ptsdconfessions]

Therapist Red Flags

Therapy is important and can be really helpful, but not all therapists are good at their job. Here’s a few things to look out for when you’re seeing a therapist:

Not listening to what you tell them

Ignoring confidentiality (except in emergencies)

Making you feel judged or ashamed

Ignoring or trivialising your needs

Consistently being late

Making fun of your needs / accomplishments

Being judgemental or critical of you

Not taking your feedback on sessions into account

Condescending facial expressions or body language

Ignoring what you want to do / accomplish in therapy

Talking too much about themselves

Making you feel like problems are all your fault

Being insensitive to your culture or religion

They’re making you feel bad about yourself

Using the phone or getting distracted during your sessions

Attempting to make romantic / sexual advances on you

Making you feel stupid or invalid for what you say or how you feel

Forgetting important details about you / your life

Pushing you too hard before you’re ready

You wondering if their behaviour is a red flag. If you’re looking it up then chances are you already feel uncomfortable in therapy. You should never be forced into seeing a therapist who makes you feel uneasy. There’s no shame in leaving and finding a different therapist.

[ethicalmemes]

Day 05 of posting wholesome memes till Christmas for the depressed folks out there. #EthicalMemes

[copehell96]

I noticed well cooking

You can use mayonnaise instead of butter and milk in a lot of things- and that takes away the 102 cals from butter and 103 cal from milk and leaves only the 94 from the mayonnaise not a huge difference but its something!

PLEASE don’t forget to add water and not over do the mayo- only a drop. and use water instead of milk!

[copehell96]

Y’all i made this post (mostly) cause i was living off of like no food (money reasons-)- i do weird things to make food taste good still, like ketchup for sauce. its not perfect but its better then eating straight pasta with no butter or anything. same for the mayo. no milk? no butter? boom shortcut. tho its a good idea for a diet if you use alot of butter and milk honestly. but don’t over do it man, enjoy food still and if your struggling reach out.

ALSO I REBLOGGED THIS ON MY MAIN BLOG ON ACCIDENT SO I HAD TO DELETE AND REDO IT foolishness me foolishness! 

IVE DONE IT THREE NOW SOBS

[copehell96]

five years ago huh?

just about around that for his actual death too. jeez nearly 5 years. new years will always hold this taint of a memory huh?

and Christmas for my Uncle Keith, God really loves screwing with my holidays huh? Even trans visibility day, my Grandpa...

[copehell96]

Tired Tired Tired [check tags for trigger warnings]

want to self harm, that or choke the life out of my brother sometimes, fucking can’t make himself do anything unless it specifically benefits HIM. 

IE Leaving dishes forever and never taking initiative on chores forcing me to get through like half of them myself before he helps me or “he helps” but he does the easier parts of it. Like god i thought i was gonna be ready for this intern program for job skill learning but cause of all the shit he’s pulled. 

(IE Months to weeks of not helping at all or doing very very little) I’m seriously tempted to talk to my counselor about finding a way to NOT live with him.

 If he won’t fucking pull his weight i’ll find my own place AND STORM. since I feed, water and normally initiative cleaning the litter. im sure this last point is mcfreaking mute anyways im sure we’ll HOPEFULLY work something out but if the year goes by and he doesn’t improve at all its gonna be a very real possibility.

im getting to the point where he does any fucking thing it pisses me off. like no joke. He can fucking wheeze cause his “allergies” or the fuck ever and i can’t fucking stand it. he’s always in the fucking computer room. and won’t fucking go to sleep until i fucking do. So i never get fucking alone time. im so fucking tired of his ass. Go the fuck away from me. I end up having to go fucking lay down in bed and like in barely a half hour or so. he’ll be in bed too. fuck off copy cat fucking bitch.

Like it’s so bad NOW I CAN BARELY BRING MYSELF TO DO THINGS.

I was actually able to do chores consistantly able to do things myself fine. but  a fucking month in it was fucking mentally and physically exhausting.

Cause don’t forget he won’t fucking eat normally if i don’t feed his ass too.

I’m so. fucking tired. I’m your YOUNGER brother not your fucking Mother. cause news flash bro. Mom’s dead, so’s Dad. get used to it it’s been four years. And grow the fuck up.

“I had a headache for a month straight didn’t tell you cause i didn’t want to be a burden.”

Your fucking ass is more of a burden WHEN YOU DON’T TELL ME THESE THINGS YOU FUCKING IDIOT.

 btw i have calmly tried to talk to him about these issues but its been like MONTHS of this conversation and like everyone else in my life I’m ignored, not responded too anddddddddddddd worst off nothing CHANGES. Nothing I do matters really tempted to just stop talking entirely. who’d care they don’t listen to me anyways. Ugh.

[copehell96]

TW: Swearing can upstairs fix their washer already.

---calmer summery---

Just want them to fix their washer machine so I can do my laundry without having to wait for their 4 entire loads to get done. :l I do laundry twice a week i don’t go alot of places and shower like, Monday, Wednesday, Friday and Saturday so like. i generally do laundry on Monday or Sunday. Yet they refuse to get a schedule upstairs to make it easier for me. (and have no common sense to do smaller loads, i swear their trying to break my washer/dryer) also i haven’t slept in like idk probably like almost 15 hours so grouchy. yay. and i have to deal with my mentor coming back TODAY. ugh. if only it wasn’t ALWAYS up to me to keep us on track. 

--emotional rant--

I want them to stop using mine so when I need or want to do laundry I can without having to wait for them, why tf did you start doing the laundry LAST NIGHT. and not fucking finish it? I need to shower today so i was hoping to do the laundry earlier so i could shower around noon but now? god knows when the fuck they’ll finish that shit. i haven’t slept yet ether so this makes it more annoying cause i sure af don’t trust my brother to do it when he wakes up. SHITS OPEN, REPAIRS SERVICES WOULD COUNT AS IMPORTANT. GET YOUR SHIT FIXED ALREADY. ITS BEEN 3 MONTHS!?

Like when i offered its cause i felt bad, cause i knew it’d be hard with quarantine up but NOW, there's just no damn excuse. I almost want to tell them they can’t keep using it after these loads. cause they do like 4 whole fucking loads for like 2 days. its fucking stupid, do laundry more often or fix your own shit. I do laundry like twice a week, it shouldn’t be hard for y’all to avoid doing it on the days i normally do it. let alone it was a week end!? ugh. its just stupid. I was really looking forward to showering damn it, maybe it’d help me relax a bit cause i sure af can’t.

I mean atleast i’ve been using my time ok right? General kitchen cleaning, dishes getting put away/cleaned (still some left but its good progress, doing some writing) and laundry ALL READY TO GET STARTED IF THE WASHER WASN’T FULL OF DAMN CLOTHES!?

-- bro/family rant. because ofc this has to be here, it shouldn’t but it is.

I wish bro would take charge for once instead of waiting for me to start something and then move in to help maybe half way through it.

and if stuff doesn’t get done despite me doing all of it alone (or bro never trying to help soon enough “cause our cats distracting him” not a good excuse btw :l like we were once again threatened with a home because his ass once again didn’t help me and i basically couldn’t bring myself to do a few dishes without feeling exhausted instantly.

I work myself to the bone for months, weeks. and when i finally collapse I GET IN TROUBLE. for his shitty help. And they wonder why I’m suicidal or relapse in my self harm!? atleast im 2 months clean from it now but its sooooooooo tempting sometimes.

[anxietyproblem]

[mrspider-deactivated20221213]

i think there is something about people who were abused/neglected as kids that makes us embrace things that others consider monstrous. i dont think its a coincidence most of us like “creepy” animals like rats and crows. i dont think its a coincidence that we are the first to jump to the defense of “worthless” plants like dandelions. its why we get so attached to old toys and broken things. when you spend your whole life believing you’re not wanted, it turns you into a defender of the other unwanted things in the world. and you’re not just protecting them - you’re protecting the part of yourself that still believes you deserve to exist. just like they do. just like we all do.

[copehell96]

VENT so xbox companion logged me out of my dads account and... VENT

idk its not like I can even play it I don’t got the xbox anymore cause of some fuckery of my guardians like god idk it wasn’t that long after he died maybe a year after- its been four years now ig? ...but god did that feel like a fucking punch in the face you know? I have no idea how to log back into it maybe I could ask my half brother but... He couldn’t even fucking tell me my nivada password I asked him 3 times between holidays for a year and finally said fuck it and changed the password myself.

...But it’s just so fucking stupid man...

it was the ONE thing I could access that was Dad’s- everything else they took away or couldn’t figure out how to log in (Fucking hire a hacker then damn cowards) I just...

I miss him and I even miss Mom!? Even if she was still doing drugs and yelling at me I don’t care I’d deal with it- anything deal with anything not to be alone anymore... I have bro but-... honestly idk man... I’m like I need a new consoler but why the FUCK should I trust em after Josh after four years of being there decides “ BYE “ and just leaves after like nearly a whole month or more of silence only to find out second hand he just up and LEFT... and went somewhere else nearby to work??? Leaving the Kelbermen center with ONLY ONE Consoler btw. I think that was just GAH. it was a dick move man...

I just don’t want to trust someone again like that? like whats the fucking point you know?

im so damn tired of having to just trust people with what I have to say, what I think- when all I want is to FUCKING DIE. That or dissociate so hard I don’t have to care anymore- space spacy- daze off, hallucinations and shit. Looking in the mirror and never EVER seeing myself - or if I do I’M UGLY UGLY so ugly I get urges to cut up my face- I hate it hate it- I just...

I’m so tired and I’m 24, I was gonna start some college-ish work training stuff but this stupid virus stuff ofc ruined it, im having trouble calling / texting people again- as bad as when Dad first died trouble. and Bro will drop off and not help unless I make it VERY obvious I need help- he’s doing a lot better NOW but idk how long that last until he drops off for a month again and leaves me to do everything AGAIN. AND AGAIN.

god no wonder mom did fucking drugs. its almost funny.

I cut for the same reasons she’d go out. Loneliness, not feeling like you getting the support you need, working yourself to exhaustion, being trapped in the house all day no way out, no where to go cause you got no car, family that you need around you basically not calling or anything for weeks, threats from family members about this or that cause of whatever dumbshit that's going on, oh and the IMPULSE TO JUST DO IT AGAIN. RELAPSE.

...atleast I can say I understand her better now, tho im not sure if I’ll ever forgive her for the hell she put me and bro through. Unlike Dad she never got better, never was able to provide the same stable house he could. He might of made mistakes when we were little (I have no memory of any of it tho- even if it was the start of my self harming tendencies from what I was told from mom told me) he GOT BETTER. He worked hard to make sure we felt safe, and NEVER yelled and always appreciated when I helped him around the house or hung out with him to watch tv / him play a game... Mom couldn’t even sit to watch one movie with us- NOT EVEN A SCARY ONE LIKE THE GRUDGE LEAVING ME AND BRO TO HUDDLE IN A CORNER SCARED-

I don’t think I could ever fully forgive her.

I miss trying so hard in my dreams to get to heaven to reach Dad- I would try every night wandering a highway- with other people as well as if we were all lost but we all knew we wanted to go up-

until one night I maybe took a wrong turn? I’m not sure.

But my Grandma and Grandpa (dad’s side) picked me up in a car and told me not to come back, that I wasn’t going to someplace I didn’t want to be, nor should I be. (probably was hell lol) God must of been tired of my ass breaking in to see my parents...

my Nana’s like 91 (my mom’s mom) everyday I get scared impulses about her. Like this virus is horrible- and she’s just so... what i’d give to have her hug me- what I’d give to be able to cry into her shoulder- she was more of a mom to me then my mom was- same with Grandma- Grandma always made sure to show up for my school stuff until her... until she wasn’t able too- and then I was left with no one- yet somehow they always found time for Bro’s stuff-

God what I’d of given to have ATLEAST had Dad go to my graduation- BRO DIDN’T EVEN GO FOR ME- I WENT FOR HIS- I’m still angry about that... He acts like he always wanted to go to my stuff but yeah right- if he couldn’t be there for me at my greatest- and scariest moment he sure af ain’t gonna be there for something small!?

[songsofsweetsuicide96221]

Am I made of anything but bloody blade edges and broken memories?

[copehell96]

Quarantine sucks

feel like i’m going crazy cooped up like this...

Shouldn’t I be used to it though? My whole life has been one big ass isolation from my peers and family- and yet... even the small contact I’d gotten had been just enough to keep me ok- thank god for my Mentor- but even she can’t come visit us rn cause of this and sigh.

let alone I've waited nearly 3 months to talk to my counselor first he wasn’t there cause of personal stuff. I understand it was fine at first I wasn’t in any serious need to talk yet- but as it went on to two months well. No one knew what was going on and 3 months I find out he just went to a new building...

He’d just given me a card incase I needed to schedule a sooner appointment or just talk on the phone and... idk I just feel betrayed? like why did I trust him so much??? and I self harmed last night nothing serious but some scrapping no broken skin- sigh welp there goes my like 6 months of no self harm. god damn this quarantine...

Also my dumbass got so distressed when I couldn’t go with my cat to the vet cause I don’t trust my family to take him (my old cat mittens went to the vet his stomach twisted and... he died and they tried to lie about it bring another black and white cat home not even admit it and...) I cried my eyes out so god damn hard all cause she said she wouldn’t bring him back till the already clean litter box was cleaned (cause he’d just gone when she came to pick him up... he’s a smelly boy but I love him)

so yeah, archives ending for dbd and I kept putting off asking about steam money so might lose that lamp too. My brother got fucking false reported on steam cause a friend fucked up reporting another friend. pay. the. fuck. attention when reporting people on steam they fucking do shit. quickly.

Life fucking sucks again and I just miss having mom or dad around so much- or Nana but I can’t visit her with the Quarantine cause she’s like 91 I don’t want to be the reason she gets sick and dies... I don’t think I could take being the accidental reason someone dies...

[dudepositivity]

you are allowed to eat. even if its a snack! even if its chocolate or fried food or a milkshake! man you can eat and you can let yourself enjoy it, you’re allowed to.

[foodffs]

[foodffs]

Crispy Korean Fried Chicken in a spicy, sweet glaze that is so crispy and sticky you’ll coat everything in this sauce from wings to baked chicken breasts and more!

https://dinnerthendessert.com/korean-fried-chicken/

Follow for recipes

Get your FoodFfs stuff here

[foervraengd]

I hope y’all have backed up your blogs by now

[anxietyproblem]

[vulpixtrans]

making asexuals and aromantics hate themselves for their orientations is the farthest thing from lgbtq+ activism and is nothing to be proud of

[fortunesque]

Activated Charcoal = ineffective meds

Friendly reminder that activated charcoal, even when put into food as a black colorant, binds to medication and can make it ineffective. Yes, this includes birth control! I thought I’d put this PSA out there since people are making spooky “black” versions of normal foods.