I started to become aware of the life I've built up. I have transformed into a character from a book I'm not entirely sure I've written myself. But if this is the case, my creator has certainly placed me in one of the strangest, happiest chapters.
I've become a house witch. Surrounded by her animals, plants and colorful trinkets.
I create with my hands. My eyes, the window to the worlds inside me.
I cover my body in colors and comfortable fabrics and bask through the mornings in bed with my three cats, my dog and my amazing fuzzy rabbit.
I walk barefoot as much as I can. Naked as much as I want. I lay on the cool floor, stretch like a cat and relishing in every single crack and pop from my achy back.
I drink terere like it's a magical potion and it may as well be in the sense that every zip is like drinking the scent of fresh soil.
I go out for no reason at all. I take my rabbit with me, sometimes my dog too and we sit at the supermarket bench enjoying the breeze of the door ventilators and people-watch.
I talk to them too. The ones brave enough to approach the crazy lady with a rabbit and dog in her lap. I see myself as the coocky zanny character they'll go tell their spouces about later.
I relish in the moment of being the magical creature in young children's minds when they see me in my rainbow hippie-ish clothes and walking my bunny on a leash because I know they'll recall my image for the rest of their lives while reminiscing about their childhood.
I enjoy my food unapologetically like an animal. I dig my teeth into my guilty pleasure burgers while whipping ketchup with my arm.
I've got a bird living in my bathroom as I raise it from a fledgling. A pigeon who takes showers with me. I talk to my plants as if they're my children.
I have lost the need for a standard and majorly consistent routine. I've created my own because I live and work for me. Me and my children, ofcourse.
I've become somewhat ... adapted to my limitations. But from that, I've embraced what I've accomplished and I've expanded them into real-life fantasies.
Maybe I'll never have the classic happy life. Maybe I'll never call anyone husband or work in a studio. Maybe I'll never drive a car or have many many many friends.
Maybe, I'll never dare to step outside my comfort zone in a major crazy way.
Because I don't want to risk this. This life I have. This autonomy. This freedom. This leasure.
To be crazy, messy, wild and fantastically deluded. I'm supposed to be!
I'm the crazy neighborhood lady. The witchy aunt figure that teaches you how to throw clay and lose your fear of bees.
I'm me. This me that exists for now.... and when that starts to change as I move to the next chapter... God I hope it still feels like it.
germansingergirl
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