𝔑𝔢𝔩𝔩𝔦𝔢 @cornyflakescakes - Tumblr Blog

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Аутизм

Аутизм - это спектр. Это не значит, что все немного аутисты. Это означает, что каждый аутист испытывает различные комбинации аутистических черт, и каждая из них разной интенсивности. Это нелинейно, и наша способность справляться с разными вещами меняется изо дня в день.

Нлаэа Летчевна Шахабова

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{ What kind of man do you want? }

I won't say tall. I won't say rich. I won't say perfect. I'll say, a man who protects my heart, who makes me feel chosen, not just once, but every single day. A man whose silence never feels like distance, and whose presence feels like comfort, not confusion. Someone who never makes me question my worth, never turns love into stress, and never becomes the reason behind my tears. I don't need luxury. I don't need perfection.I need kindness. I need peace. I need love that feels like home.

Nlaea Letsjevna Shakhabova

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Женщина с собственными деньгами - это женщина со своим выбором. Вот почему они называют её пугающей. Независимость угрожает контролю.

Деньги не изменят того, кто ты есть. Они изменят того, кого ты терпишь. И это та сила, которой они боятся.

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Living with complex PTSD is like being at war with your own mind every single day. I once heard from a psychologist at VPP Alta: "Nlaea, you have lost your ability to trust people." And then I just felt something inside me crack completely silently. Because I already knew it. I had just never heard anyone say it out loud before. When your mother leaves you as a child. When you live with violence and psychological terror for fifteen years. When people you trusted let you down again and again. When friends disappear when you are struggling the most. When people look down on you because you have struggled with substance abuse. Then something happens to you. Eventually, your body begins to believe that all people are dangerous. That no one really likes you. That everyone lies. That everyone is going to leave. That you have to be on guard all the time. And the worst thing is that you don't know what is real anymore, whether it is just trauma or premonitions. Because I have always felt things strongly. I am spiritual, and I have often known when something is not right — and many times I have been right. But now I can't distinguish between gut feeling and fear. Complex PTSD is not just about flashbacks and nightmares. It is about being so hurt by people that the very security within you disappears. You start to suspect everything. You overthink looks, words, messages, silence. You can become jealous, scared, desperate. You feel deceived, exploited and rejected — even by people who actually love you. And it is so shameful to admit it. Because from the outside, people may just see a “difficult” woman. But inside you the alarm system is on 24/7. I ask myself every day: Have I become paranoid? Have I become sick? Or is my body just trying to protect me the way it has learned throughout a lifetime? That is what is so brutal about complex PTSD. You want to trust people so much. But your body doesn't dare. And when you can't trust others anymore, you eventually start to lose trust in yourself too. It's a loneliness I wouldn't wish on anyone. But perhaps the most important thing I'm trying to remember now is this: People who have experienced a lot of pain are not broken. We are just people who have been in survival mode for far too long. And maybe healing isn't about becoming who you were before. Maybe it's about slowly teaching your body that the war is actually over!

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