hhhhh

Jay/22/any pronouns i follow back from be...........us. dont call me queer. fuck terfs, transmeds, pedos and other nasties

[angelbabyspice]

I wasn't trying to insinuate lesbians have to or should have to have sex with men. I want y'all to stop making spaces unsafe for lesbians who have or have sex with men. I want y'all to stop making people feel unwelcome just because they don't fit into your nice, neat little box. Other people have different boundary lines for their sexuality. That should be respected, even in lesbian spaces. Not a crazy concept

that’s fine so let lesbians have their spaces lmfao this is not up for debate

[angelbabyspice]

Thank you @thesituation

[angelbabyspice]

Adding prev tags bc I agree. I didn’t want to overstep and talk over the lesbian experience but THIS^^ many lesbians I know have slept with men at some point? It’s literally what society expects from women and puts them in circumstances where lesbians are more likely to have to be forced into situations where they are with men. Again I don’t want to overstep but I’ve seen this happen irl so the negation and lack of consideration of this fact is really alarming.

[cyberpunkpavlichenko]

I understand what many girlies are trying to say when they describe trans women as “women you can freely abuse in public” but cis women also very much get abused in public with no recourse. A theoretical sympathizer might exist where there may be less for trans women, but cis women do in fact get abused in public without people stepping in.

Let’s be specific and detailed in our criticisms of transmisogyny. Cisness doesn’t protect you from public abuse but transmisogyny does ensure less general public sympathy. That’s a lot less loaded and nuanced than “trans women experience public abuse that cis women never do because everyone values the safety and wellbeing of cis women.” That’s clearly not true whereas “trans women receive less general public sympathy for the abuse they experience in private and in public” is 100% true.

[wutheringheightsfilm]

why are we so obsessed with pretending like the patriarchy doesn't benefit men. why are we so obsessed with erasing the fact that men don't want to fight against the patriarchy because they don't want to lose their privileges. like what does this fucking willful ignorance and pretending everything is sunshine and rainbows going to do with the global femicide rate and increasingly invasive laws against trans women and their transitioning and the fact that women are next to never believed when bringing allegations forward against a man and instead are slandered far and wide and in some cases even psychologically tormented in the press. what is pretending going to do about the fact that women get paid less than men, women are blamed for it when men stalk and assault them, there are still places where girls aren't allowed to go to school? like what the fuck is pretending that men don't benefit from the patriarchy going to do about all of that other than lead you through the tall grass and ignoring the real issues here????

[normielesbian]

I will never be able to fully express how being a lesbian is not considered cool and sexy to average people, who aren't terminally online. It considered especially disgusting to people when you're a woman who doesn't look like a super model or actress. People are shocked and appalled at the thought you want to eat the pussy of an ordinary girl whose like a waitress or something. People are grossed out that two women who might be fat, masc with stretch marks/scars or without makeup etc find each other completely attractive and have completely fulfilling sex for themselves. Lesbianism that is devoid of the male gaze repulses people. It's why lesbians are rarely fully represented in media. It's not sexy anymore if it's not two straight thin decorated actresses directed by a man. They so mad when we want each other and don't care to meet their beauty standards or need their approval.

[this-is-amato-heteronormativity]

"There is no conversion therapy to try and turn people gay."

So what about the asexuals and aromantics who are being told they're "just gay with internalized homophobia, and are repressing their attraction"?

What about the trans & gender diverse people who are being told they are "just repressed cis binary lesbians and uranians"?

Not all conversion therapy towards queers is an attempt to turn them allo mono het.

"Progressive" forms of conversion therapy also exist, and aim to deny people's acespec, arospec, or genderqueer identity, to direct them to a "better" queer identity.

[corvidscourses]

Please provide any evidence of asexuals being tortured into having gay sex

Equating people saying something rude or uneducated with the systematic abuse, torture, and brainwashing that occurs in conversion therapy is disgusting

[vampiricvenus]

We're in the fascist tradwife, stay-at-home girlfriend, revoked abortion access apocalypse, and people who otherwise are sensible still refuse to admit that most likely means an exacerbated violent hatred for women who just point blank will not voluntarily partner up with a man.

[vampiricvenus]

You are a transmisogynist. And just a misogynist in general.

[tofu-rebecca]

my take on the "can trans men be lesbians?" thing is that i would never ever comment on a stranger's identity and i would never tell someone i don't know what they can or can't do but also like. come on. if you're explicitly choosing to be a man you can get mad when women don't want to date you.

[tofu-rebecca]

if you're going into a space where there are women explicitly saying "I do not want men involved in my romance" and you are actively identifying as a man you cannot get upset when they don't want to date you or are uncomfortable with you being there

[tofu-rebecca]

i also deeply empathize with every trans femme lesbian who has had to watch her existence debated and been seen as a pervert for loving women see most of the lesbian community go "oh yeah you have a vagina, you have the Unbreakable Woman Bond that means we are connected forever" and get a little frustrated about that

[tofu-rebecca]

Also: do you think a cis man could be a lesbian without identifying as a woman? if not, and you think trans men can, i think you're just speaking from bioesstentialism and maybe don't really think trans men are fully men in the way cis men are

[tofu-rebecca]

i'm remembering that trans man/lesbian i knew who was mad the girl he was seeing ID'd as straight its like damn maybe you don't really see yourself as a man.

[birgenworth]

A lot of people genuinely don't understand, whether willfully or no, that almost every form of gendered and sexual oppression has roots in misogyny.

Homophobia is rooted in misogyny. Transphobia is rooted in misogyny. These forms of oppression exist as an extension of a bioessentialist hatred of women whether that involves being one, "acting" like one, "presenting" like one, or rejecting the categorization between men and women altogether. Every form of gendered oppression that negatively affects men does so ultimately because of misogyny as a root cause and is enforced by misogynistic violence.

Any terminology meant to highlight gendered oppression against a group of men (e.g. misandry, transandrophobia, etc.) fundamentally misunderstands gendered oppression, how it works, and why it exists in the first place. You cannot eliminate homophobia without dismantling patriarchy. You cannot eliminate transphobia without dismantling patriarchy.

Women's liberation is the only way to end these subtypes of oppression and any attempt to decenter women's liberation from feminism will ultimately end up clinging to or reinventing reactionary politics at some point down the line.

[probuccalfat]

people will describe their incredibly nebulous sexuality to you that they’ve never been able to define and the whole time you’re thinking that sounds like bisexuality brother

[curseworm]

the secret cheat code for women is realizing you dont have to date men

[curseworm]

this doesnt just go for lesbians it goes for bi women and straight women too. i cant even count how many times straight women have told me “i wish i was a lesbian so i didnt have to date men” but guess what … u Dont have to date men 

[curseworm]

to be clear this also isnt necessarily saying ‘go date women instead!!’ its just saying…. u dont have to date men. u dont have to be dating women in order to not date men! in fact if ur not attracted to women at all please dont date women just as a substitute for men. but if dating men isnt making u happy… u dont have to do that. u dont have to make a space in ur life for men

[curseworm]

im singlehandedly destroying every mans mental health by telling women its ok to not date them

[kiwicantfly]

Every reblog = less mental health awareness for men and more actual autonomy and love for women

[hyenaswine]

i'm actually really tired of being lumped together like this. i don't find it empowering or validating. why don't you just say "people i assume were afab" & save yourself some space.

[hyenaswine]

somebody replied "what about straight trans men." on an account called butch_fever. who then replied "we love them too!" why. why are we required to make space for men whenever we talk about women. can anything just be for dykes? can we stop acting like cis dykes & trans dykes have nothing in common & aren't in community with each other? i wouldn't be offended by trans men being included in lesbian spaces if it didn't seem to always be at the expense of trans women.

[hyenaswine]

maybe it's me, maybe i'm not butch after all because i don't like all the assumptions it causes people to make about me, & maybe that means it's not the label for me. every community i try to find a home in ends up telling me i don't belong there.

[quieterthanafish]

for the record this is the same dude who wrote an article about how autogynephilia is real

[paradoxspaceheater]

the thing about misogyny is that femininity is both devalued AND forced on women (and those misgendered as women). if you fail to meet the arbitrary standard of Womanly Charm you're ugly and unwanted and hate yourself and if you succeed you're shallow and brainless and weak. if you don't try to conform you're lazy and if you do you're vain. it is not possible to beat this system. feminism needs both "feminine doesn't mean weak or less-than" AND "women don't have to be feminine to have value", and if you are fighting for one of these the people fighting for the other are not your enemies, nor are they privileged over you.

this post is inclusive of trans people, including but not limited to trans women and transfeminine people. exclusionary sentiment is not welcome.

[stephexmachina]

when i was a kid i was so mad all the time bc i thought someday i'd have to be somebody's wife i didn't know it was optional. is everybody reminding the young girls in their lives that it's optional.

[stephexmachina]

AND SO IS BEING SOMEBODY'S MOTHER‼️

[stephexmachina]

it is about being a woman. hope that helps!

[vibrantstarfire]

reading comprehension questions for the notes:

is wanting to be a wife and mother a requirement for being a woman?

why might OP be annoyed with replies assuming that this post is about being aroace or transmasc if a woman doesn’t want to be a wife or mother?

are there reasons unrelated to sexuality and romantic interest that might make a woman not want to be a wife or mother?

are there reasons unrelated to gender identity and expression that might make a woman not want to be a wife and mother?

core concept: what is gender essentialism?

is it gender essentialism to imply that all women inherently want to be wives and mothers? could this be what OP is critiquing?

look at the notes OP responds to. is it gender essentialism to imply that being a wife and mother is so affixed to womanhood that to not want to be those things means you’re incapable of sexual/romantic feelings, or not a woman?

what trait are you perpetuating when you assume that women who do not want to be wives and mothers must be aroace or trans? is it gender essentialism?

[inksplattersandearlyhours]

“When I was young, women were raped on the campus of a great university and the authorities responded by telling all the women students not to go out alone after dark or not to be out at all. Get in the house. (For women, confinement is always waiting to envelope you.) Some pranksters put up a poster announcing another remedy, that all men be excluded from campus after dark. It was an equally logical solution, but men were shocked at being asked to disappear, to lose their freedom to move and participate, all because of the violence of one man.”

— Rebecca Solnit, Grandmother Spider in Men Explain Things To Me and Other Essays

[honeylemony]

The most inconvenient truth is that men do misogyny because they get something from it. They get labor from intimate partners, they get social capital in their public circles, they get the benefit of the doubt, they get default respect and promotions and people listening to them and people afraid of them.

[honeylemony]

"" oh he did xyz because he's traumatized"" ""he was a monster bc he was misunderstood""

He did it because he benefitted.

[analogdelight]

All of that being said, I don't have infinite patience and I'm confident in my principles.

[analogdelight]

Not once has someone given me a reason to include trans men in lesbianism that doesn't boil down to either:

Shared History™️ (which also boils down to)

Being AFAB

Watering down the definition of lesbian until it fits some vague meaning of "queerly loving non-(cis) men".

If you truly understand that trans people are in fact the genders they say they are (I do), and you understand that lesbian (for the most part) means "women who love women", there's no way to circle that square.

[iphigeniacomplex]

in treatment i and the other autistic women present were pushed into being, essentially, unpaid live-in maids for the autistic men we lived with. i and other autistic women had personal belongings stolen and broken by autistic men for stepping out of line. there was a period of time lasting several months where i refused to eat with my housemates because i was sexually harassed almost every day at dinner. i was followed around the house, deliberately intimidated, and threatened by an autistic man, and this was not enough on its own to either assign me or him to a different residential location within the program, which would have protected me from being targeted. i retreated into myself after being constantly shouted down, humiliated, and mocked, all in a specifically gendered context. breaking objects and punching walls was part of this campaign of terror. my history of bad experiences with autistic men, explicitly because i am an autistic woman, goes back much further. in certain ways, i think the widespread poor treatment of autistic people as a group has intimidated me into silence around the phenomenon of misogyny and misogynistic violence among autistic men; they are certainly no more misogynistic or violent than allistic men, but they are a group whose misogyny and violence will always be excused and prioritized over the safety of autistic women.

[iphigeniacomplex]

every demographic of man on earth has a sizable portion who will say harm towards women comes from every other demographic of man except for theirs. the thing you’re perceiving as misogynistic danger is really something else, often something socially marginalized, so what does that make you for noticing it? if you don’t hear from women in these demographics you can safely assume they agree with the men; it’s more comfortable than wondering what is done to the women who disagree.