okay hi hello it’s 2am, I’m running on caffeine fumes and academic regret, I’m like five rewatches deep into hollanov and I have lost the ability to be normal about Shane/Ilya. this is a sleep-deprived brain dump from the trenches, you’ve been warned.
because listen. this show is doing something deranged and intentional with their dynamic and my college-fried brain has latched onto it like a raccoon with a shiny object.
there is a VERY clear D/S dynamic here and what’s destroying me is how easy it is for Shane to fall into subspace around Ilya. not dramatic. not flashy. just quiet, body-first, nervous-system-level giving up control.
Shane doesn’t decide to submit. his body just does it. shoulders drop. voice softens. he stops over-explaining, stops managing the room, stops being sharp around the edges. there are scenes where his eyes go unfocused—not dissociated, just turned inward. like his brain clocks out and leaves his body in Ilya’s hands. which is INSANE.
around literally anyone else Shane is coiled tight like a spring. around Ilya? one look, one low voice, one hand near his neck and he’s already halfway under. no resistance. no second guessing. his nervous system recognizes safety before his brain catches up. which is terrifying actually.
and the show is so subtle about it. it’s all physical. Shane’s eye line drops. he leans instead of standing straight. he lets Ilya guide him—not force, not command, just redirect. half the time Ilya doesn’t even have to say anything. he just positions himself and Shane follows. THAT is submission built on trust, not weakness.
and Ilya. oh my god. Ilya is SO normal about it.
not creepy. not possessive. not smug. he clocks Shane’s state immediately and adjusts without calling attention to it. he slows things down. he grounds him. he takes up space for Shane. there’s this recurring thing where the softer Shane gets, the stiller Ilya becomes, like he’s anchoring the entire scene so Shane doesn’t float away.
and the narrative never treats this as a problem!!! Shane isn’t “losing control,” he’s resting. the show allows him that release without punishment or embarrassment and lets Ilya be dominant in a way that’s restrained, gentle, and deeply competent.
it’s D/S without labels. it lives in micro-movements and timing and care. dominance as containment. submission as finally being able to stop holding everything together. I am unwell about it.
AND THEN there is the TIMELINE of Shane learning how to fall and it’s ruining my already shitty GPA.
THE WATER BOTTLE SCENE. they have known each other for like an HOUR. Ilya tells Shane to drink and Shane immediately does. no joke. no hesitation. AND he looks at Ilya while doing it, like he’s checking for approval. hello??? they just met???? that’s already bonkers.
and then the good stuff teaching scene where Shane isn’t just learning, he’s yielding. his focus goes soft. his posture changes. his body is listening harder than his brain. this is Shane subconsciously learning: if I let Ilya lead, things feel better.
episode two. the bathroom scene.
this is where my brain fully short-circuits.
months of Ilya not answering. Shane is angry, confused, barely holding it together, clearly close to tears. he needs Ilya. and the second Ilya realizes that, he delivers. immediately. he doesn’t deflect or pull away. he asks Shane to ask—to beg—and Shane just DROPS. head first. no hesitation. eyes unfocus, body drifts, he’s so deep that Ilya has to physically keep his head upright. like Shane is GONE gone.
and Ilya knows. he knew exactly what Shane needed in that moment: connection. grounding. permission to fall apart safely. the competence of that is actually offensive.
episodes four and six are where Shane’s body just fully gives the game away.
he keeps dropping to his knees. almost desperately. like his body has decided this is where it’s okay. where it’s quiet. where it can breathe. he’s so comfortable there that Ilya has to literally hold him in place to keep him standing. like “no, not right now,” and Shane just lets him. because he trusts him that much.
and then episode six with Shane’s father catching them absolutely kills me.
everything is tense. everything hurts. they’re planning what to do. and Shane just crouches against Ilya. doesn’t ask. doesn’t explain. just goes where his body feels safest. and Ilya doesn’t even blink. he just caresses Shane’s head and lets him settle. no correction. no commentary. just I’ve got you.
AND THEN. THE ELEVATOR SCENE. I AM LOSING IT.
after Shane leaves from meeting Ilya and something is off. not wrong-wrong, just unfinished. no kiss. not enough aftercare. which hurts EXTRA because Ilya is usually amazing at meeting Shane’s needs. and Shane feels the lack immediately.
so in the elevator he softly bonks his head against the wall. over and over. not self-harm. grounding. trying to stay present. trying not to drop now that the connection got cut too fast. that is SUCH a real depiction of sub drop it makes my sleep-deprived brain want to scream into a pillow.
anyway. it’s 2am. I have an assignment due this week. hollanov has eaten my brain. this show is doing slow-burn nervous-system D/S storytelling and letting Shane learn that it’s safe to fall, and Ilya will catch him.
ALSO, let it be known that English is not my first language so I'm sure something about this is wrong grammatically.
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