Things I’ve Actually Said While Teaching Piano
(Inspired by @classical-crap)
- I’m calling this your “beef face” because you make that face every time you play “B-E-E-F” on the piano
- Scales are like vegetables; they’re good for you
- I’m cool with the kids, I’m hip with the teens
- I’m the evil piano witch who makes you play scales *demonic laugh*
- “All Cows Eat Grass”, a true statement, thank you music
- Your thumb is flexible, but it is not God
- Beethoven definitely smelled bad
- You’re Claudia, the Queen Of Beef
- So I’m gonna tell you about ledger lines. They suck and they make you wonder why the staff exists in the first place.
- Every time you play F natural instead of F sharp a unicorn dies
- What is the best thing about the 1812 overture? “cannons!” You get a sticker!
- This sticker [of a bus] represents your dreams.
- I can’t read [medieval sheet music] because I’m a pleb
- I learned this because I snuck into a university music history class. Forbidden knowledge.
- The lines in the bass clef are GBDFA and you’ve already forgotten what they are. This is why we use Good Burritos Don’t Fall Apart.
- Vivaldi just wants to hit you over the head with [symbolism].
- This is the only time we can say “fingering” and it’s not disgusting
- I drink lemonade to forget
- *plays a tritone* this is REAL forbidden music
- Tchaikovsky might have died because he wanted to be gay in Russia and Russia was like “no you can’t be gay in Russia”. And even now Russia tries to hide the fact that Tchaikovsky was gay but Tchaikovsky was gay and he was also a bottom.
- You are the master of claps! The rhythm boi!
- *plays that one intense section in Fur Elise* “wow that was angry” My friend, Beethoven was always angry.
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