To the first boy I ever loved.
You, sweet boy, were my first love. You, persistent boy, waited months for me, just to be my first kiss. You, observant boy, knew when days were bad, and did everything in your power to make me smile. You, protective boy, fought for me, for your brothers, for your family. You, smart boy, graduated high school, one of only a few in your family. You, brave and courageous boy, got out of the town you are from and made something of yourself. You, selfless boy, have fought for our country at home and overseas. You, my beautiful boy, you are black. You are strong. You are courageous. You are confident. You, are so much more than black and I wish everyone could see you through my eyes. You gave me your love. You showed me how to fall in love with myself. You gave me my confidence. You gave so freely and I pray that I gave to you just as freely, because you deserve the world and so much more.
You are SO much more than any of the labels placed on your shoulders. But you carry them without fail. Everyday. You live your life fearlessly, when there are so many things to fear in this life.
You deserve love, grace, mercy, happiness, peace, and all things good in this world. I wasted the time I had with you. I should have stood up for you more. I should have spoke out to the boys who called you names. To the boys who said I was ruining myself by dating you. To the people who sneered and whispered snide comments. The boys that would tell me âno white boy would ever want me because I was a white girl dating a black boy.â Yet all of these things I endured are insignificant.
I failed you. I turned my cheek thinking it was the right thing for me to do. I took the names and rude comments and thought that I was being a good girlfriend. I should have stood up for you. For myself. For us. I apologize for simply sitting by while hearing the things people said.
I am truly sorry. I see now how wrong it was. I shouldâve stood up for you. I should have spent every moment telling people how great you are. Letting them know you are so much more than black. I shouldâve used those chances to speak out. I shouldâve asked more questions, I shouldâve tried to understand better instead of thinking I knew it all. I shouldâve used my voice and screamed from the rooftops how wrong these people were.
I donât understand the things you and others deal with daily. But I want to. I donât live everyday in fear of what could happen. I am not scared to go outside, to walk alone at night, to simply exist.
I want you to know that I stand with you. I hear you. I love you. And I always will.
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