Crawling Faith

Nothing stands between you and creativity other than yourself.

[crawlingfaith]

I had no experience with addiction when I married him. I remember his mother being so pleased with me saying I turned him around. I always thought, how strange, they don’t really like him do they. A few years later I began to find out what she meant. His addiction destroyed our family. I came home one day and he was smoking crack at the house while our three children at home. After several rehab’s and forty plus incarcerations I divorced him after fifteen years. The last two I never even knew where he was.

I was active in his families life for the thirteen years as he lived on the streets, prison and cheap motels.

I wish his mom would have been upfront and honest with me, or maybe I should have asked.

He is finally sober. It has been a couple of years.  They don’t talk to me anymore. I could’t fix him. 

 There is a new savior in his life now, no room for me. 

[crawlingfaith]

Addiction causes you to miss your life.

The people that love you, miss you.

[crawlingfaith]

YOU KNOW WHAT YOU KNOW, THAT YOU KNOW

ME

[crawlingfaith]

Tragedy

You know when you believe with all your heart, that they will do right by you.....

and they don’t. They just look at you as though you are crazy, then turn and 

walk away

[crawlingfaith]

The stillness before a summer storm is full of unleashed power.

Creation still in awe.

[crawlingfaith]

You Would Think

I would have learned by now.

You only come around when there is something in it for you.

That it has always been about you.

[crawlingfaith]

[crawlingfaith]

Teaching myself to paint.

[crawlingfaith]

Carrot’s make me cry.

[crawlingfaith]

I think I would like to be a tiny little thing, and live under a shroom.

[aquietcottagelife]

[crawlingfaith]

One day I will own a nice camera and will capture what is in my mind’s eye.

Reaching toward hope in the darkness is not always easy. We must keep reaching.

[crawlingfaith]

4th’s of the Past

My heart was at peace on the 4th. All was well, with three beautiful children, a handsome husband, a successful business. Like many 4th’s before we would gather at my parent’s house and eat hot dog’s, swim and the cousin’s would play.  As the day was turning into the night, we all vowed to go home and meet to watch the fireworks. My husband had decided to ride his motorcycle to my parent’ s house earlier left ahead of us and promised to meet us at home. We would change and go watch the fireworks.

Arriving home before my husband caused me a little concern but with me hope is always my default. The children and I changed and I sat in the rocker on the porch waiting for my husband. I thought of the loveliest of excuses for him. In the back of my mind and heart, I knew. He had decided to use.  The children kept asking when we would leave to meet the cousin’s for fireworks?  We left and I made excuses that dad was having to work.

I watched the beautiful firework celebration with my children and family with my perfected fake smile and a hole in my stomach.  Making excuses while my family looked at me with pity in their eyes.

Returned home and got them in bed. I sat down to ponder the reality of what was happening. The phone rang and the Irving Police were on the other end telling me my husbands motorcycle had been found in the woods. They told me they were responding to a peeping tom report and found his motorcycle. They asked if I thought he would take his own life? They informed me that they had searched the area and he was no where to be found and that they were impounding his motorcycle.

This was the beginning of the worst destruction addiction was going to cause to my family.

[crawlingfaith]

I am a terrible mom.  Sometimes I feel sorry for myself and instead of smiling and listening to all of my grown adult children’s problems. I might whine and be self centered needing some TLC.  This infuriates them.  #brats

[christophermcgeownwriting-deact]

‘ever-changing’

[crawlingfaith]

Happy Birthday to me....

[crawlingfaith]

I want to feel alive.