Torn Apart- Part 3
Again, thank you all for the lovely feedback I've received for this Eddie Diaz series, it means so much to me.
I'm glad you're all enjoying it, if you have any suggestions for future parts please send them in.
Taglist: @justagirlthatlovedtoread @musicistheway @avada-kedavra-bitch-187 @luula @missdreamofendless @bradleybeachbabe @angryknightstatesmantrash @minjix @lyje @kmc1989 @itsmytimetoodream @noonenuts @hiireadstuff @oliverstarksbae @gimatida @heart-35 @chrisevansdaughter @alexandra848484 @deena-beena-weena @targaryenluvs @kpoplover-19 @marvelmenarebeautiful @gillybear17
@mrspeacem1nusone @zephyrmonkey @estella-novella @eleventhdoctorsangel @kniselle @senjoritanana @shauna-carsley @dottierose @cfdhouse51 @darkfemme1 @reneinii @bellsbomb @western-pyro @itsgigikay @harry-satellite @midsummereve1993 @babyqueen17 @buckyyyismahhlife @sammiejane22 @mrsyixingunicorn10 @op-81-lvr-reblogs @talicat713 @niamhmbt @strawberry-canyon @bieberhoodforever @911fangirlie @hollandxxmix @jasmineee05 @creat1venat1onn @devilslittlehelper @darlingcharling-blog @bear8585 @nickie-amore @elliott-calls @person-005 @mbioooo0000 @amara-mars @shypy92 @nikfigueiredo @sabsthedoll @rach2602 @itshamleth @ladespedidas @devilslittlehelper @buckslifeline @wanniiieeee @jaydaaasworld @theelementofsurprisee @andrewgarfieldislife
911 taglist: @teenwolfbitches28 @mandmilovehim @jooniesbears-blog @riywasu @amy2265 @buckandeddiesverison @forestsandgrimoires @peteparkersbug @btskzfav
Series taglist: @booklover2503 @mayafatimakhan @sanchann @papafritarancia @freetimemachinequeen @bagelphiladelphia @angiewritesstuff @beforeroachfalls @mrsyixingunicorn10 @angrythotski @andrewgarfieldislife @timminear-ikureadao3 @cursedwings2005
Series Masterlist
Summary: (Y/n) tries to cheer her brother up and takes Chris to spend the day with him. But they all get swept up in a tsunami, and when Eddie finds out, he becomes frantic to try and find his family. Especially because (Y/n) is pregnant.
Enjoy.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
What am I going to do? What do I tell her? This is going to ruin her.
He couldn't. How on Earth was Eddie supposed to explain any of this? He didn't want to be the one to have to say all of this to (Y/n), but at the same time, he couldn't allow anyone else to break the news to her either.
He wasn't sure he had it within him to tell (Y/n) without bursting into fits of tears.
Eddie hadn't even told his parents yet. He'd called them after Buck and told them he'd found (Y/n), but he wouldn't tell them anything about her condition. He didn't say what was wrong, how hurt she was or what was happening with the twins. It wasn't the kind of conversation he could have over the phone.
He knew he had frightened Buck. When he called him, he had been in tears and he just kept begging Buck to come down to the hospital. Every time Buck asked how ill (Y/n) was, Eddie just said she was hurt.
The only thing he had been able to confirm was that she wasn't dead, because Buck kept asking if she was in the morgue. He seemed assured that because Eddie wouldn't reveal anything, then his sister had to be dead and Buck had been sobbing down the phone and at the point of screaming for answers. But Eddie couldn't give them. He couldn't talk over the phone.
"Eddie!"
He cringed. Buck's voice had always been calming to Eddie, it always brought a smile to his face or made him roll his eyes. He knew whenever his brother in law was around that he was going to feel his mood brighten or that his worries would fade and that Buck would understand.
Not today. This was the first time that Buck's presence felt like a looming omen rather than something happy and elating.
Eddie could barely open his eyes when Buck's voice hit his ears and it took all of his strength and willpower to hold himself still and not tremble or start to fall apart when he looked down the hall.
He wasn't expecting to see Maddie running down the hall too.
Both siblings looked like they were in an asylum, trying to break out. They were the only ones running down the corridor as if something foul yet invisible was following them, chasing and nipping at their heels in hunger.
The only relief they had was that when Eddie told them which hospital to come to and whereabouts to go, he had directed them onto a ward.
He hadn't told them to meet him outside or ask for directions to the morgue- that was what Buck was terrified of. He feared Eddie taking them to the morgue in the hospital or to the body bags out in one of the gardens because they had been overflowing with more patients than they could handle and more bodies than they ever expected to see.
Buck couldn't handle that. He wouldn't ever be ready to look through the dead in search of one of his family members. And he certainly wouldn't be okay with Eddie leading him to the body of his sister, the one he had tried so hard to save when the tsunami hit.
Grief would have consumed and killed Buck if that had been the case. If his sister had died and he played a hand in that, then Buck wouldn't survive.
Buck wasn't sure what to do once they were within range of Eddie. He didn't know whether to reach out and draw him into a fierce embrace or hold him at arms length until he found out exactly what was wrong with his sister.
"You- you wouldn't say what happened to her. How is she?" He knew he sounded breathless and a little demanding, but he couldn't help it. Buck had to know what had happened.
He had spent the night calling up hospitals and then trying to search around them early in the morning along with Eddie. He had been about to go to another hospital when Eddie rang this afternoon and said he'd finally found (Y/n).
All that searching had paid off, and all the visions Buck had suffered about finding his sister face down in a ditch or in a black body bag, they had all been laid to rest now. His sister was here, and he was about to see her.
He didn't have to feel guilty about losing her in the flood or not being able to find her afterwards. She was here now, and that was all that mattered.
With a sigh, Maddie leaned her cheek against Buck's bicep while both her hands wrapped around his arm. She clung to his side like he was the older sibling trying to comfort her.
Never had Maddie received such a frightening phone call as the one Buck made to her last night. She'd never heard him so hopeless, so petrified and depressed and frantic all at once as he relayed the events of the day and asked if she had heard anything about (Y/n). If she had any call-ins on the phone which sounded like or could possibly be (Y/n).
None of them had slept in the search to find her and pray that she was alive.
The only reason both siblings had managed to make the car ride down here without crying or screaming was because Buck made Eddie promise over the phone that (Y/n) was alive.
They both watched Eddie, the man who had become like another sibling to them since the first moment he started dating (Y/n). They watched him press his hips back into the wall for some measure of support and rake his hands up and down his thighs to rid the sweat glistening on his palms.
"She got hurt pretty bad, glass straight through her hand… something cut her leg down near the muscle. And they've put her on antibiotics, for all the water she inhaled."
Buck didn't like the sound of that. Why had he managed to get away with cuts and bruises yet his little sister had been beaten to a pulp? Why had she been slashed by glass and cut to the muscle whereas he hadn't?
Granted, both Buck and Chris had been given some broad range antibiotics in case they had been cut with any rusty nails or dirt and because they had obviously choked on or inhaled a small amount of water. It was better to be safe than sorry. But by the sounds of it, (Y/n) had been hurt ten times worse than they had.
As if she had been through three tsunami's whereas the both of them had escaped the first flood without any issues. Why her? Buck would have taken all of those injuries and more if it meant his sister would have been safer. He would rather her walk away from this the same as he did and him need extensive surgery or healing.
He wanted to take the brunt of the pain and suffering, he was the older sibling. He was the one who could take all of this, it shouldn't be (Y/n) that was suffering at all.
"What about the pregnancy… they, they must have done a C-section by now?" Maddie knew how it would work, that it would be safer to have the twins now with the trauma that (Y/n) had been through. The doctors knew that waiting might distress the babies or push (Y/n)'s body into a worser state when she had already been through enough trauma.
She would be very surprised if Eddie said that they were monitoring the pregnancy instead. No one could be sure how much trauma (Y/n) had gone through, how many bumps and blows had landed to her stomach. Her blood pressure would undoubtedly be too high or possibly too low and cause further issues with the twins.
But Maddie's lower lip began to wobble and she could feel her jaw aching with how tense she was trying to be to stop herself from sobbing when she looked at Eddie.
He was barely holding himself together. He was almost on the verge of collapsing and she could see everything within those dark brown eyes. She could see the the torment, the anguish and the utter agony that were making his limbs shake and causing his breathing to become shallow and croaky.
"Boy and a girl." There was something stern, something cold and forced in Eddie's voice that set both siblings off kilter.
He sounded horrified or even angry at his own words and it caused Buck to frown. He had never heard Eddie sound like this. Even last night when Buck tried to tell him that he did his best to find (Y/n) and Chris, even then Eddie hadn't looked at him quite like this. And he never spoke to Buck in any tone other than understanding.
Buck had lost Eddie's whole world yesterday, he hadn't been able to find Eddie's family and Eddie still hugged him and held his broken pieces together and told him that it was okay. Eddie understood. He didn't shout or cry or scream at Buck and say that any of this was his fault.
There didn't seem to be any of that understanding within Eddie's voice right now.
Buck couldn't help how his face started to fall and he sucked in a sharp breath as he tried to catch Eddie's gaze. "How are they?" He was almost too afraid to ask.
"He didn't make it."
Eddie had to turn his head away, he had to break their gaze and lock his eyes on something else- anything else, that wasn't his in-laws. He couldn't look at either of them and see the heartbreak reflected in their eyes.
He didn't want them to see him cry.
A single tear rolled down Eddie's cheek whilst his pupils glossed over and his teeth sank down into his lower lip that was already flecked with dried blood from how badly he had gnawed away on it due to anxiety. He could feel fresh blood welling on his tongue as he held his broken pieces together as best he could and forced the tears down.
This was what he couldn't tell them over the phone. This was what he couldn't say. It had to be done in person, it had to be done face to face.
"No, no th- but…"
Oh God, what have I done?
Eddie's brows rose up and he snapped his head to the left when a sudden howling sob- that didn't pass from his own lips- caught him off guard.
He looked just in time to see Buck crouching down on the floor. His brother in law went down until his heels had to be straining to keep him crouching a few inches off the floor like that. Buck's hands moved up until they were smothering his face, but it did nothing to quieten down the cries leaving his lips or the tears that were drenching his features and lathering his palms.
He began rocking back and forth from his heels to his toes and back again as another sob forced its way past his lips.
"It- oh, it's m-my fault."
"What?" There was a new gentleness to Eddie's voice as he pushed off the wall and stepped closer, but when Buck flinched, he stopped abruptly.
"I suggested the pier, I d-did this. I couldn't find her in time…" He was at the point of wailing when Maddie quickly dropped her bag to the floor and knelt down beside him. Her arms cocooned around his large frame, barely able to reel her little brother into her chest and when he started to shake, she began to dither back and forth too.
It was all his fault.
Buck had suggested going to the pier when (Y/n) asked Chris what they should do yesterday. He thought it would be fun, and Chris loved the idea immediately. He should have said to go and see a movie or go shopping or go to the park. Something different. Anything else. Anything close to home rather than being out near the sea. If they had been near home then none of this would have happened, and (Y/n) wouldn't have lost one of her babies.
If Buck hadn't felt so depressed and hopeless, then (Y/n) probably wouldn't have taken Chris round to see him and none of them would be in this mess.
He had ruined everything. Buck had hurt his family, he had broken his sister's world apart and damaged her growing family, permanently.
Maddie's shushing into his hair and her hand running up and down his arm did very little to console Buck. He couldn't be soothed. He couldn't calm down when he could only imagine what kind of pain and torment (Y/n) was going to go through when she was eventually told what had happened- hoping of course that she hadn't already been told yet.
Shallow breaths started to seethe past Eddie's lips as more tears trickled slowly down his face like a leaky faucet. His shoulders hit the wall and he started to slide down the wall until his bum landed with a thump against the floor.
His fingers automatically moved to the back of his neck and he began to scratch his shortened nails along the already broken skin. He had countless scratch marks and indents and broken skin along his neck and the back of his scalp from constantly picking, itching and clutching at his neck out of nervous habit. It was all Eddie could do to hold the screams within his chest at bay.
"I encouraged her to get you out the apartment, to spend the day with you… I should have said that she was doing too much, o- or never agreed to work your shift; maybe if I went with you…"
Eddie could feel his own guilt dwelling in his chest like a monster that was gradually growing and multiplying.
He knew (Y/n) hadn't been feeling or sleeping well lately, he knew she was on the verge of overdoing things. He should of given Buck the heads up and said that (Y/n) was visiting him but she needed to take it easy.
Maybe if he hadn't of picked up most of Buck's shifts at work, he would have been with them and they would have decided to do something entirely different that day.
This was his fault, and he was never going to forgive himself.
***
Buck could still feel the dried tears cemented into his face like dried paint that was beginning to crack. Every movement of his cheek, every tick of his jaw or word he uttered began to splinter the tear tracks and caused him to feel like he had been cast in clay and was trying to break his way out.
He needed to freshen up, but he couldn't. Not yet. He didn't want to move an inch away from (Y/n) until she woke up.
The three of them had been in here for well over an hour now, since Maddie managed to calm Buck down and persuade him to come and sit by (Y/n)'s side to wait for her to wake up.
Eddie was sat on her right side and Buck and Maddie were on her left. Every few minutes or so, Eddie would start to draw patterns along (Y/n)'s arm and up towards her neck. She was a canvas he was painting and committing to memory to try and distract himself from the thoughts raging through his head.
They all knew she would wake up soon. Eddie had been sat with her while he waited for Buck and Maddie to come down to the hospital, and she had been twitching and moving every now and then. The sedation was starting to wear off and now she was murmuring and humming too.
(Y/n)'s left hand was clasped tightly in Buck's grip, their fingers interlocked while his other hand was constantly feathering up and down her arm. And he periodically brought her hand up to his lips like he was trying to reassure her that they were all here, waiting for her to wake up.
Silence had been their friend since they all blundered into the room together. They didn't know what to say to one another, but it didn't seem to matter. Talking wasn't at the forefront of their minds right now.
Or it wasn't until Buck suddenly felt (Y/n)'s fingers twitching in his grasp and her head was turning from side to side.
It felt like someone had set off a firework within his chest when he heard his name like the breeze rolling along the sand.
"Buck… B- Buck…" It was almost as if (Y/n) were trying to ask him a question and Buck smiled as if he understood her hidden undertones or as if her voice was the most beautiful melody he had ever heard.
She was calling out for him, he was on the forefront of her mind. She must have some recollection of the tsunami because she was clearly thinking about finding him. Part of Buck had been worried that (Y/n) might not remember what they had been through.
Of course, he didn't want her to remember everything. He didn't want (Y/n) to have to remember the waves crashing down on them or how she had been injured. He didn't want to think of her becoming distressed or anguished at remembering passing bodies in the water or remembering witnessing people drowning. Buck didn't want (Y/n) to remember the horrors of what they had been through, only the notion that she had been caught up in this big disaster.
"I'm here, it's okay."
If she remembered they had been caught in a tsunami then at least (Y/n) had some recollection and none of them would have to explain to her what she had gone through if she woke up and the last thing she could remember was being at home.
He squeezed her hand and started to glide his other hand up and down her arm, coaxing her to stay with them and wake up. None of them really liked sitting here while she slept, they wanted to talk to her and help her and tend to her, not wait around in agony thinking of how they were going to explain everything.
A quiet murmur of "Good girl, there we go," passed Eddie's lips as he leant closer to the bed his knees were currently tucked underneath. His left hand moved to the top of (Y/n)'s head and he gently began to card his fingers through her hair. Brushing the strands away from her face and gliding his knuckles against her temple.
For a brief moment, Eddie panicked when he watched (Y/n)'s eyes screw up tight and a quiet sound croaked past her lips. His fingers paused woven into her hair in fear he'd hurt or somehow frightened her.
But she leaned into the touch. Her head turned in his direction until the top of her nose brushed against his inner wrist and a whimper drew past her lips when Eddie's thumb stroked along her hairline.
"Eddie,"
"Hey beautiful," He arched forward, carefully attaching his lips to her temple while his other hand curled over the top of (Y/n)'s forearm.
It was like a miracle to see (Y/n)'s eyes flickering open and Eddie loved the feel of her raised hand trying to brush across his chest and neck. She was checking he was really there, that this wasn't a figment of her imagination or a hallucination and she was back there, stuck in the waves again.
"I th- I thought," (Y/n) couldn't bring herself to say it as she closed her eyes again and nuzzled her face further into Eddie's arm, his touch, his comfort. Any part of him that she could reach, she wanted to be close to.
(Y/n) thought she was never going to see him again.
Things might be blurred in her mind, but the distinct sense in the back of her head was about Eddie and Chris. About her family. She feared she was never going to set her sights on her husband again, that she would never feel his touch or his kiss or the sound of his melodic voice filling her ears.
She feared Chris and Buck would be lost to the waves and they would never find their way back to Eddie, let alone back to her. (Y/n) thought she was going to sail away to the ends of the Earth and never see anyone ever again.
Hearing Eddie's voice was like a string of fate reeling her back towards reality and (Y/n) wanted to cling to that, cling to Eddie, until the world ended.
"You can't get rid of me that easily, amor." It felt wrong to smile, especially when Eddie knew the horrors he was about to impose on (Y/n) when she was lucid enough to understand. But seeing that flicker of a smile crossing her drowsy features softened one of the burnt out nerves in his chest.
Her fingers trembled as they stroked along his cheek and he leaned into her touch and began to card his fingers through her hair again, knowing it was something she found soothing.
"Where's Chris?" Her voice was croaky but when (Y/n) tried to sit forward, she felt Eddie's hand move to her shoulder to keep her lying down. Moving too much at once wouldn't help her.
She didn't argue and stayed melting into the pillows, but she managed to flutter her eyelids open again. It took a few seconds for her vision to come into focus, for her to be able to see more than blurred lights and a glowing halo surrounding her family.
Something akin to a drugged smile formed on (Y/n)'s lips when she glanced to the left and made out the image of her overprotective, big siblings. Her brother who was clinging to her hand, and her sister, surprisingly, who had a hand comfortingly on her thigh.
The look on her face started to contort when she took in the state of Eddie sitting beside her. He hadn't shaved, he still had that layer of stubble that was dangerously close to the mark considering firemen weren't allowed to grow beards. But beneath the stubble was murky skin that verged on grey and deep purple bags that hung heavy beneath his eyes.
His lips were chewed to pieces, blistering red with patches of dried blood and coated in saliva and tears. His eyes were bloodshot and drained and he looked like he was flagging on the last reserves of energy within him.
How long had she been asleep? Oh God, had something happened to Chris?
"Chris, I couldn't find him, I w- I couldn't- I-"
"Shh, shh it's okay, don't worry. Buck kept him safe, Chris is alright. Ma and papi are here now, he's at home with them so we can take care of you."
Eddie didn't want (Y/n) worrying herself or getting upset over Chris, not when he was going to shatter her world in a few moments. Chris was safe and their family was gathering around them to look after them and keep them sane and cared for.
"And now we've found you." Buck did his best not to burst into a fit of tears as he squeezed (Y/n)'s hand close to his chest.
He didn't feel like he had kept Chris safe and he didn't feel he deserved any praise, especially not from Eddie or (Y/n). He had lost their boy and lost his hold on (Y/n). He didn't keep her safe and he lost Chris a second time during the floods. He hadn't done anything worth mentioning, he had let them down.
They all watched as (Y/n) raised her right hand near to Eddie's face, clearly wanting to run her fingertips along his cheek or his lips or simply reach out for him. But her arm froze mid-air when she locked her gaze onto the bandage rolled around her hand.
Eddie winced at the expression that screwed up (Y/n)'s features when she seemed to realise or remember why her hand was bandaged so tightly she looked like she was about to enter a boxing ring.
"The car."
"Hm?" He frowned and stroked her temple again, trying to gage whether she was remembering something or starting to become drowsy again.
"Window," She uttered quietly and shook her hand near Eddie's features and her heart leapt when Eddie gently cupped her wrist and kissed the back of her bandaged hand.
A cringe shuddered through Eddie and his features screwed up against (Y/n)'s hand as it dawned on him what she meant. That's how she got the glass through her hand. Her hand and quite possibly her arm had shattered straight through a car window. Eddie could just imagine the pain that would of caused. She was lucky not to have severed an artery or the bones in her hand.
Lifting his head, Eddie looked towards Buck and Maddie while his free hand cupped his chin and his fingers scratched at the stubble lining his jaw. He silently ticked his head in the direction of the door and darted his gaze between the door and them.
He didn't want to be rude, but they could all see where this was going. (Y/n) was going to ask what had happened with the twins, and Eddie was going to have to break the news to her. He couldn't wait any longer. The moment (Y/n) moved her hand down and realised her stomach wasn't the same feel or shape as it was yesterday, she was going to panic. And when she noticed that she couldn't feel the twins moving or kicking or simply existing within her, she was going to go into shock.
Eddie had to try and break the news to her, and he really didn't want to do that in front of her siblings.
"We'll go get a drink." Maddie murmured softly, giving (Y/n)'s thigh a squeeze as she got up to make their exit.
She turned back when she was towards the door and her heart surged in her chest when she watched Buck lean over and kiss (Y/n)'s temple before he moved to follow her out.
A sigh tumbled past Eddie's lips as he leaned his cheek against the rather smooth bandage around (Y/n)'s hand. He had noticed earlier that the part around her palm was starting to soak through with little spots of blood as the wound was clearly weeping. If a nurse didn't come round soon, Eddie would clean and change the dressings himself.
"At least it's a clean cut amor, no broken bones." Eddie couldn't quite manage a smile, and he knew (Y/n) sensed it on his features.
He kissed the back of her fingers a few times before he gently lowered her hand down on the bed and leant in closer.
"Amor, the- you were in a bad way when they brought you to hospital…" His fingers continued their administrations gliding through (Y/n)'s hair as if he were trying to get rid of imaginary knots and tangles. "They had to do a C-section, for the twins. You were hurt, and they were getting distressed."
Eddie held his breath when he watched the panic flash across (Y/n)'s features. He could see the terror in her eyes when his words started to sink in and she realised something had changed.
Her left hand which wasn't occupied by her brother anymore suddenly jerked down to press against her stomach. She was still drowsy, (Y/n) hadn't thought about anything being wrong with the twins because she didn't feel ill. Whatever medications they had flooded her veins with had made her feel lighter than air, like her brain was disconnected from the rest of her body.
A horrible whine left (Y/n)'s lips when she shakily pushed her hand against her stomach. It wasn't round and firm anymore. There wasn't any tension when she pressed down and she couldn't feel a little foot kicking back against her or a sudden wriggling within her.
She was a different shape. Her stomach was squishy. She was empty.
Sobs started to croak past her lips and her hands both reached out for Eddie, scratching into his arm until he took the hint and leant over her. He was careful as he tried to sit her upright against the pillows, and he stayed hovering over her when (Y/n) refused to release her grip on him.
"Where are they? T- they'll be so small."
Despite the spots dancing before her eyes, (Y/n) could see her deflated stomach. She could see that it had gone down somewhat, that it looked like a beach ball that had a puncture and was slowly losing its shape.
Her babies had been taken from her. This was her first pregnancy, and (Y/n) hadn't managed to go into labour or even be awake for the birth.
They had been warned that with twins she might go into early labour or that booking a planned induction before her due date might be a good idea. But not at thirty-one weeks. Not when the twins would be classed as extremely premature. They weren't ready, they wouldn't be safe being born now, they would need lots and lots of care and attention.
(Y/n) felt like looking around the room, but she already knew that their babies weren't in here with them. She could sense that the room was empty apart from her and Eddie. Where were they?
Panic overtook (Y/n)'s body when she looked at Eddie. She didn't like the look he was giving her.
There was so much sorrow in his eyes, so much fear and resentment and anguish and horror. Everything (Y/n) rarely saw displayed in her husband was now evident in his eyes and pouring out onto the rest of his skin.
"Eddie." There was something fierce yet broken in (Y/n)'s tone and her hands stayed clutching at his arm until he stood up from the chair so he could perc down on the side of the bed next to her.
She watched in growing paranoia as Eddie leaned towards her and carefully cupped her face in his hands. His thumbs began to softly stroke across her cheekbones and he moved so close that the ends of their noses were touching. He wanted desperately to press his temple to hers and transfer all of his thoughts and love and heartache through to (Y/n)'s mind so he didn't actually have to voice them.
"We had a boy and a girl. She's in the premature baby unit, they've given her some steroids to try and develop her lungs a bit better. But we… oh amor, there was nothing they could do for him-"
"No. No, don't- please-" (Y/n)'s head started to shake until her stitched temple was brushing against Eddie's and a horrible throbbing pain ignited behind her eyes.
He couldn't do this to her. Eddie couldn't tell her this, (Y/n) didn't want to hear it. She didn't want this to be their reality.
"-he was already gone."
Eddie was anticipating the scream that left (Y/n)'s lips, and he was certain that both her siblings would have heard that howl of heartbreak all the way down the hall. Yet the noise sounded so distant and echoed like Eddie was hearing (Y/n) from the bottom of a pool.
When another wail left her lips, Eddie curved his hand beneath her hair to cup the back of her neck. He tensed and clenched his jaw when her head dropped onto his shoulder in such a way that it must have caused her stitches to throb, if not tear.
He could feel her bandaged hand trying to claw at the back of his shoulders like she somehow wanted him even closer until they were merged into one. But when he realised her other hand was pushing and forcing down on her stomach, the tears started all over again.
She had lost her connection to them. They had been ripped from (Y/n) without her knowledge and one of them had gone. She had lost her little boy and she hadn't been awake or truly present to know it. He was gone. They'd lost him. Their little boy was somewhere, cold and alone and he was never going to come home with them.
Her knees scraped up towards her stomach like she was trying to contort into a new shape but all she wanted was to reconnect with her babies. (Y/n) wanted them back. She wanted her little ones back within her again where they belonged.
"Shh, shh." His lips merged with the top of her head, tears dripping from his closed lashes and soaking into her hair as they both began to rock back and forth.
"I w- I want him."
"Okay, okay, the nurse can bring him to us." Eddie turned his head so his cheek was pressing against the top of her head and his hand began to glide up and down her arm.
The doctor told him earlier that it could be arranged, they could hold their little boy if they wanted. Eddie would find the nurse and ask her to get him for them so they could see him.
He had to be held by them at least once, if they were never going to be able to take him home with them.
He had to know that he was loved.
***
He was so small.
Eddie had seen premature births before, they'd dealt with a few on shift but he'd never witnessed a baby born this early, at least not in the flesh like this.
Compared to the memory Eddie had of the first time he held Chris, this little boy seemed to weigh nothing at all.
He looked peaceful. Eddie wasn't sure what he had been expecting when the nurse brought their little boy to see them. Maybe the trauma that (Y/n) had gone through made Eddie think that their boy would be black and blue or horribly discoloured or that there would be some kind of hint of the trauma that had stolen his life. But there was nothing. He was perfect.
Lowering his head down, Eddie nuzzled his chin against (Y/n)'s shoulder when she leaned back into his chest like her bones were turning to jelly.
He continued to stare over her shoulder at their little boy resting peacefully in (Y/n)'s arms. And when he watched her graze one trembling finger around his eyes, part of Eddie wanted to smile, albeit in sorrow.
She didn't have to say anything at all; Eddie knew what she was thinking. She wanted to know what colour eyes he had, but she didn't dare try and take a peek. He was resting, he looked like he was asleep. Trying to see the colour of his eyes would mean staring into lifeless, glass eyes and that would be a worser image to have ingrained in their memories.
It would be better to remember him like he was now; sleeping.
(Y/n) adjusted him in her arms, shifting his tiny weight more into her left arm so she could raise him higher to her chest. Tears welled in her eyes as she stared down at him. Skin contact wasn't going to do either of them any good, and a miniscule part of her was beginning to regret asking to hold him because she knew that sooner or later, she would have to let him go.
She would never feel this tiny weight in her arms again. She would never look down at her baby boy. His image would eventually fade from her memory. He would never know her or Eddie, he would never know their touch or kisses or love. He didn't get to meet them before he was snatched away.
She couldn't help herself. When her fingertips graced along his small, wrinkled temple, she gently removed the pale turquoise hat from his head. It was clearly from a premature range because it fit his head perfectly despite him being under developed.
(Y/n) wouldn't have anything to remember him by except for the few shaky pictures Eddie managed to take. She wanted something as a keepsake, and he barely had any hair for her to take some. The hat was the next best thing. He had presumably been wearing it since the nurses cleaned him up after the C-section.
It might have his scent on it, but even if it didn't, it was something he had worn. Something that had been connected to her baby, and that was the only thing (Y/n) would have that had touched him.
When they went home, they would be able to take their daughter with them at some point, but this little boy was never going to go with them. In a few months it would feel like he never existed, like they had simply experienced a single pregnancy instead of twins.
(Y/n) had to have something to prove he had been here. She needed something to keep them connected while time and distance tried to keep them apart.
"Dad?"
A dazed look crossed Eddie's face and he blinked rapidly, trying to clear his hazy vision. An ounce of surprise flooded through him when he realised just how far he had walked while his mind had been clouded with memories. He seemed to have been moving on autopilot and he was relieved he hadn't bumped into anyone by now.
Although he did have Chris clinging to his left hand, which he was now tugging on to try and gain Eddie's attention.
"Hm, what?" Even his voice sounded so faraway as he glanced down at his boy who was staring up at him with those big round eyes and a small hint of a smile at the corner of his lips.
"You said mum's had the twins now?"
Shivers started to creep up and down Eddie's spine and he couldn't force himself to smile any longer. He had put on far too many fake smiles today. He tried to look placid and calm when he passed the nurses he kept bumping into when he was here with (Y/n).
He tried his best not to break apart when he was around Buck or Maddie because he knew Buck was one look away from falling apart too. It was hard to look at his parents without wanting to cry and fall into his mother's arms. And he could never put on a brave face around (Y/n), she could see right through any mask he tried to wear. He didn't need to act stoic or brave around (Y/n), but he didn't want to be falling apart either, that wouldn't help her.
When he glanced ahead and saw people queuing up for the lifts, Eddie took a deep breath and stopped walking. He bent down to the left and scooped Chris up, sitting him high on his hip before he made a beeline towards the stairs.
The stairwell was almost always empty and Eddie wasn't hanging around to go into a packed lift when (Y/n) was only up on the second floor.
His hand began to glide up and down Chris's back as he tried to think how to word this conversation.
"Yeah… yeah she's had the twins."
Chris had been begging everyone to take him to see (Y/n) since Buck told him they found her and that she was okay. He wanted to see for himself, he wanted to make sure (Y/n) was okay and stay with her for a while. He'd missed her; he was worried about his mum.
And (Y/n) had been asking about Chris as if she didn't truly believe that he could be unscathed after the ordeal they had all been through. So Eddie had brought him down to the hospital.
In a few days when (Y/n) and their baby girl were strong enough, they were going to move them to the Mercy General hospital which was closer to home. This was the hospital she had been brought to, but it was just outside of their town and meant anyone wanting to visit had to keep driving out their usual way to see her.
Their baby girl was going to be in the premature unit for the next four to five weeks, possibly longer. They needed her close to home so when (Y/n) was discharged she and Eddie could keep coming to see her and be with her every day.
When Chris looped his arms around the back of Eddie's neck and leaned his cheek on his shoulder, Eddie managed a torn smile.
"Buddy you can see mum today, but I want you to promise me you won't ask her about the twins or say anything about them for now, okay?"
Eddie felt horrible. He could feel Chris's arms tightening around his neck and he could see the confusion written across his features when he lifted his head to look up at him, puzzled. He knew what he was asking would be confusing and worrying for Chris, but he had to.
He continued to climb the stairs, keeping Chris secure on his hip as they headed closer and closer to (Y/n).
"Why?"
"Mum's upset, they're not very well and we don't want to upset her anymore right now, do we? Just for today, she needs some love and comfort."
Eddie hadn't found the right time or the words to tell Chris what had happened. All he managed to do was tell him that (Y/n) had been found and she was being looked after in the hospital. He didn't want to tell Chris here at the hospital about what had happened with the twins and he knew if Chris started asking (Y/n) questions, she would break apart with despair.
He was bringing Chris here for a short visit to see (Y/n) to try and calm them both down. Then when he took Chris home- because he was spending the night with him since his parents had been watching him until now- Eddie would sit him down and explain what happened to his brother and that his sister was poorly.
He would tell Chris what they would be doing now, that they would have to keep coming back to the hospital to see his sister until she was well enough to come home. And that it was going to be hard for them all for a while now. But not today. Eddie couldn't keep telling this broken news to everyone, he'd had to tell Buck and Maddie and both their families and he'd torn out (Y/n)'s heart by telling her.
Eddie couldn't do that to Chris as well, not today; he couldn't take any more sorrow right now.
"Promise." Chris nodded just as Eddie headed out the stairwell and ascended down the corridor.
Once they reached the right room, Eddie bent forward and lowered Chris down to his feet again. He rested his hand on Chris's shoulder and opened the door for him, but as soon as it was open Chris sped inside.
His eyes lit up and his hands shook and stimmed at his sides as he hurried towards the bed. He'd been so worried when he found Buck and his dad, but no one had found (Y/n). Chris had just gotten used to calling (Y/n) his mum, having someone around to love him again and tell him stories and cook with him and be there for him. He didn't want to lose her too.
"Mum!" Excitement was clear in his voice but his tone was quiet, almost hushed when he realised that (Y/n) was laid down in bed rather than sitting up. Perhaps she was asleep.
But the moment he heard his name murmur past (Y/n)'s lips, he scuttled towards the bed and clambered up. He saw (Y/n)'s lips curving into an exhausted smile when she saw him and he quickly flopped down on the edge of the bed beside her.
It took a few seconds, but Chris managed to wriggle closer and worm his way under (Y/n)'s arm. He draped his arm around her waist and dropped his head against her shoulder, pressing up into her like he hadn't seen her for weeks instead of days.
He felt (Y/n)'s lips burrowing into his curls as she kissed his temple and when her left arm carefully looped around him and her hand began to glide up and down his back, he sighed in contentment.
"Missed you."
"I missed you too baby, but I've got you back now." (Y/n) tried her best to push down the tears threatening to spill over. She had cried enough to rival the tides that separated them, and she didn't want to cry anymore. Not when this was a happy moment.
She had Chris back in her arms, he was safe and sound and they were reunited after being torn apart. He was alright, and he was clinging to her like he was never going to let her go again.
With her eyes closed and her face buried in Chris's hair, (Y/n) clung to him as tight as she could. Her bandaged hand stayed hidden beneath the pillow and her knees curled up slightly as she laid on her side, curled around Chris like they were the Yin and Yang signs.
At least she hadn't lost both her boys.
