Go Pack Go

IchiHime is canon

[crazypackersfan]

I’m really depressed

I’m writing this here because I need a place to vent, yet I don’t want my friends to see it. Unfortunately, my friends seem to judge me worse than utter strangers do. I’d rather just put this out there to the public.

The first thing you’re going to say is “Call the hotline!!!1!” Have you ever called that hotline? I have. Here’s what happened: I got redirected to some intern working for UPMC. I talked to him and cried on the phone. He said nothing. 30 minutes later, the police showed up at my door and threatened to take me away. I had no weapons of any sort, I was just really depressed. It was only after some negotiation from my parents that I was allowed to go to the hospital instead of going to wherever the police were going to take me. So, no, I will never call that hotline again. It’s a joke. And no, I don’t have any plans of harming myself. But I’m really, really depressed.

My problem is simple. I’m 34 going on 35 and I’ve never been on a date in my life. I’m a heterosexual male. I understand that there are many sexualities out there, I have no problem with that. But for me, personally, that’s where I’m at. All my friends but one are married with children. I’m lagging far behind, but it’s not the “kids race” I care about. It’s the idea of having one woman to confide in, to care about, and to love. In short, I want to fall in love.

I have no job. Nor am I even able to get one. I have welfare insurance, and it’s the equivalent of having a gun held to my head. If I take a job at McDonald’s, the insurance goes away, I have to pay thousands of dollars for my medication to keep me stable. So to put it bluntly, I’m in a catch-22. Take a job, lose my insurance. Stay unemployed, keep my insurance, but stay where I’m at. Sadly I’ve failed at all attempts to get a job with insurance benefits.

With no job and no money, it’s a depressing life. I’m trying so hard to do whatever I can to make money - I’ve written 4 books on sports, all of which are self-published which means 0 sales. I realize that if I seriously want to get married, I need a job. But my Penn State degree is utterly worthless, and I have no help in finding one.

I feel like talking a bit about my failures with women. Since no one is reading this (and that’s by design), hopefully this will help me vent. I have never had a girlfriend in my life, and I’m 34. I’m a virgin, obviously. And no, I don’t have feelings for men. I realize the first thought on most tumblr people’s minds is “you should just change sexualities!” No, that’s not happening.

“A” (name redacted) was the first girl I was ever attracted to. “A” and I were in many classes throughout high school. “A” was pretty much the perfect woman. She was kind, she was soft-spoken, she was smart, and yes, she was even beautiful. But I was too shy to ever speak to “A.” As a result, once she graduated high school, I never saw her again.

“B” was a girl from South Korea who transferred to my high school. She was energetic, she was fun, and yes, she and I bickered a lot in school. Ever since I met her, I had a thing for Asian girls. Unfortunately, “B” went down a different path. She must have hated me. Somehow she blocked me on Twitter when I followed her. I’ll never see her again, but I wish the very best to her.

“C” was the girl I shouldn’t have tried to go out with. I had a crush on her, so I stupidly asked her out at the bookstore where she worked. She declined, and now she hates me too. I regret everything about that. I was a teenager who didn’t know better.

“D” was another Asian girl who was again, perfect. She and I used to have long phone conversations while I was in my senior year of college. But she lied to me and told me she had no intention of having a relationship. One month after I graduated, she had a relationship. I felt betrayed. I saw her one time again, and that was it.

So there you have it, all my prospects with women over the years. And that’s where I stand today. I feel slightly better having written this. Again, please don’t call in the SWAT team, I’m not thinking of doing anything to myself. But I sure am depressed, and I feel hopeless. My hope that by writing this, it makes me feel a bit better.

[crazypackersfan]

Wow Tumblr is a joke

This place is a cesspool. Every time I log in, it becomes even worse. This place is worse than 4chan now.

[crazypackersfan]

Relax, people

Even if he wins, IchiHime is still canon.

[crazypackersfan]

The Bleach shipping wars of the last few months have forgotten something important...

...who does Tatsuki end up with? I pick Chizuru.

[ladyannalyn]

Re:Zero—Emilia in the finale (spoilers)

I wish Emilia had said, “I forgive you, and your feelings mean a lot to me. But I need to focus on political responsibilities right now. And to be honest, I’m still figuring out friendship. It’ll take a while to sort out how I feel. And I can’t guarantee you’ll like the answer. I need to know you’ll respect that.”

I mean, that would have been a bit out of character. That kind of response requires a little more experience and self-confidence than she has. But if she could have said that, or if another character had said something like that on her behalf, I’d be more content.

It’s frustrating that, even though Subaru has grown a bit and apologized satisfactorily, he still thinks that his relationship with Emilia is guaranteed. He’s willing to be patient and give her time to fall in love with him, but he doesn’t consider that maybe she won’t. He says a lot of the same things Rem said to him before he shot her down. Yet he thinks he’ll fare better with Emilia than Rem did with him. 

To say “I’ll let you arrive at your own answer, because it should be the same as mine” isn’t romantic. You don’t get to dictate you crush’s thoughts. And you don’t get to assume that if you do all the right things, they’ll end up with you. Sorry. I know relationships are scarier and more vulnerable when the outcome isn’t guaranteed, but that’s life. Trust me, if the girl’s the sweetheart you think she is, she doesn’t want to break your heart, but her heart’s important, too.

By assuming that Emilia will fall in love with him, and telling her so, Subaru’s putting extra pressure on her (as if there wasn’t enough pressure and confusion in romantic relationships as it is). It feels really, really good to be loved—or even just to be admired. And when it’s your first time getting that kind of special treatment from a guy… it’s amazing. But it also clouds your judgment, and it makes it hard to tell what you’re attracted to—the feeling of being cherished, or the guy himself, or both. Sorting through feelings is difficult. And being told what your feelings should be doesn’t help. 

Subaru needs to give Emilia space. Be her friend. Support her. And let her decide how she feels. 

[crazypackersfan]

This is such a female answer, lol. Girls just want to be friends. When a guy shows interest in them, they immediately clam up and say “let’s just be friends.” They push the interested guy to arm’s length and leave them hanging there either until it’s good for their terms, or forever.

As a guy who’s had girls do this to me (and one who did it to me this week), I can tell you that it’s the most heartbreaking thing, to have feelings for a girl and not be given the time of day because “let’s just be friends.” This is part of the reason why “nice guys finish last.” Because nice guys say “okay, let’s be friends.” Whereas the aggressive guys use their charm or their body to force their way into the relationship.

I sit here feeling like a girl is special to me. The girl sits there, feeling that I’m no different than the 200 other friends she has on Facebook. Who’s the one being selfish here?

I’m not sure whether Emilia or Subaru were right or wrong - personally, I prefer Rem - but I can tell you that being “friend zoned” as it’s called is one of the most frustrating and unfulfilling feelings in the world. I can’t even call it “unrequited love” because the girl never allows the guy to get close enough to love her. You have to look at both sides of the story, and you’re missing the viewpoint of the guy.

[ladyannalyn]

Honestly, my answers aren’t just female answers, but probably-the-least-romantic-person-in-the-room answers. I don’t even know what it feels like to have a real crush, let alone “fall in love.”  XP

There’s a difference between “let’s just be friends for good” and “hold up, I don’t know what to think about you yet, and you’re making me uncomfortable with the way you’re rushing into romance.”(Or “hold up, I haven’t even figured out Level 1 friendship yet—I’m not ready to try something as advanced as romance with anybody.”) I’m not advocating indefinite friend zone. That’s not fair. A guy needs an answer. And a girl needs to feel safe enough to give an honest answer. So I’m advocating patience, gentleness, and respect with the end goal in mind: both parties have a chance to decide whether or not this is a relationship that will last. A relationship based on charm and aggression will start fast and more often, but it won’t end well.

(Side note: Subaru friend-zoned Rem… or side-kick-zoned her… or something like that. I guarantee it’s painful for girls, too, though I haven’t experienced it myself.)

Okay, we’re both taking things really personally right now. I’ve been in a situation where the guy’s feelings for me were stronger than mine for him, and it was a challenge to sort out what I felt—to give him a chance without worrying about leading him on. It wasn’t his fault: he was respectful, all-around-great, and did almost everything right. From the beginning, I made it clear that I was still figuring out whether I wanted a relationship period, let alone a relationship with him. I wanted to give him a chance, to give us a chance. So I did. And it was enjoyable. But I spent a lot of the relationship worrying about whether or not he was protecting his heart, even though I knew that was primarily his job, not mine. There were times when I wished we’d been just friends for longer—that I could have observed him surrounded by others, and perhaps learned little things that could have told me we weren’t right for each other without getting our hearts so deeply involved. I didn’t want to hurt him any more than necessary. I was worried that I so enjoyed how he treated me, I might mix that up with how I felt about him, and so lead him on. But I was always honest about how I felt. Once I figured out how I felt about our relationship, we ended it.

Oh, and this guy did a great job respecting me and the way I slowly processed feelings. I knew he’d be okay. And it was still hard for me to figure out that I wasn’t going to fall for him, then or ever.

All that to say, the reason I respond like this to Emilia and Subaru is that a girl needs to know she’s not responsible for the man’s feelings—she should be sensitive, sure, but not responsible. She needs to know that if her feelings never catch up with the guy’s, he’ll be hurt, but he’ll respect her, and he’ll heal. Because a sweet girl like Emilia knows how vulnerable guys make themselves when they make the first move. She’s the type who would take too much responsibility for Subaru’s feelings as a result, who could feel obligated to match his feelings… and maybe it would turn out fine. But maybe her feelings would never honestly catch up, and they’d both be extra hurt and extra disappointed as a result. 

The one thing I can say for sure: Subaru’s wrong to tell her what she will feel for him. 

[crazypackersfan]

I appreciate hearing your perspective on this. My perspective is decidedly different. I don’t think we’d ever see eye to eye on this, because we come from totally different situations. But I do like to hear your side of the story. It helps me see where you - and other girls - are coming from. I’m a big believer in hearing both sides of the story, so I like that you have given me your perspective.

I’m not so sure I agree with what went down in the final episode of Re:Zero - personally, I hate Emilia as she’s such a cliche character - but I really like the series overall, as it’s gotten me really interested in a fandom for the first time in a long time. Overall, I think the positives greatly outweigh the negatives.

[crazypackersfan]

Re:Zero’s best girl. Silver medal to Beatrice and the bronze goes to Rem.

[ladyannalyn]

Re:Zero—Emilia in the finale (spoilers)

I wish Emilia had said, “I forgive you, and your feelings mean a lot to me. But I need to focus on political responsibilities right now. And to be honest, I’m still figuring out friendship. It’ll take a while to sort out how I feel. And I can’t guarantee you’ll like the answer. I need to know you’ll respect that.”

I mean, that would have been a bit out of character. That kind of response requires a little more experience and self-confidence than she has. But if she could have said that, or if another character had said something like that on her behalf, I’d be more content.

It’s frustrating that, even though Subaru has grown a bit and apologized satisfactorily, he still thinks that his relationship with Emilia is guaranteed. He’s willing to be patient and give her time to fall in love with him, but he doesn’t consider that maybe she won’t. He says a lot of the same things Rem said to him before he shot her down. Yet he thinks he’ll fare better with Emilia than Rem did with him. 

To say “I’ll let you arrive at your own answer, because it should be the same as mine” isn’t romantic. You don’t get to dictate you crush’s thoughts. And you don’t get to assume that if you do all the right things, they’ll end up with you. Sorry. I know relationships are scarier and more vulnerable when the outcome isn’t guaranteed, but that’s life. Trust me, if the girl’s the sweetheart you think she is, she doesn’t want to break your heart, but her heart’s important, too.

By assuming that Emilia will fall in love with him, and telling her so, Subaru’s putting extra pressure on her (as if there wasn’t enough pressure and confusion in romantic relationships as it is). It feels really, really good to be loved—or even just to be admired. And when it’s your first time getting that kind of special treatment from a guy… it’s amazing. But it also clouds your judgment, and it makes it hard to tell what you’re attracted to—the feeling of being cherished, or the guy himself, or both. Sorting through feelings is difficult. And being told what your feelings should be doesn’t help. 

Subaru needs to give Emilia space. Be her friend. Support her. And let her decide how she feels. 

[crazypackersfan]

This is such a female answer, lol. Girls just want to be friends. When a guy shows interest in them, they immediately clam up and say “let’s just be friends.” They push the interested guy to arm’s length and leave them hanging there either until it’s good for their terms, or forever.

As a guy who’s had girls do this to me (and one who did it to me this week), I can tell you that it’s the most heartbreaking thing, to have feelings for a girl and not be given the time of day because “let’s just be friends.” This is part of the reason why “nice guys finish last.” Because nice guys say “okay, let’s be friends.” Whereas the aggressive guys use their charm or their body to force their way into the relationship.

I sit here feeling like a girl is special to me. The girl sits there, feeling that I’m no different than the 200 other friends she has on Facebook. Who’s the one being selfish here?

I’m not sure whether Emilia or Subaru were right or wrong - personally, I prefer Rem - but I can tell you that being “friend zoned” as it’s called is one of the most frustrating and unfulfilling feelings in the world. I can’t even call it “unrequited love” because the girl never allows the guy to get close enough to love her. You have to look at both sides of the story, and you’re missing the viewpoint of the guy.

[animepopheart]

★ モル | エミリア ☆ ✔ republished w/permission

[crazypackersfan]

Worst character in all of Re:Zero. Typical damsel in distress.

[crazypackersfan]

Where’s all the Re:Zero fans at?

I know you’re out there. I couldn’t get a reaction from my meme earlier. I want Re:Zero talk! Best girl talk! (Obviously either Priscilla or Beatrice.) Shipping talk! (Not sure who I ship yet.) And season 2 hype! (There has to be a season 2.) I want this to end up Toonami so everyone can see it in its glory.

[crazypackersfan]

Lick my foot.

[crazypackersfan]

Happy birthday Orihime Inoue!

You were originally my first Bleach love, before I was pulled away by Yoruichi and later Soi Fon. You were the reason I got into the series in the first place. My memories are fading now, but I do recall your early feelings for Ichigo hooking me on the IchiHime pairing that eventually WON.

Now it’s almost 10 years to the time I discovered Bleach on Adult Swim and started religiously watching every night. Two things about that: one, I will never again take for granted anime being on every night of the week, and two, Bleach became such an important part of my life that I can’t just let it go. The first voice actor I met was Kyle Hebert, who I was interested in not because of Aizen but because of Ganju. The 2nd cosplay I did was Captain Aizen. The first friends I made from cons were because of Bleach photoshoots. My blog which I started in 2008 and still update daily was mainly made for Bleach reviews. Bleach has made an indelible mark on my life.

And it’s all because of you, Orihime. If you hadn’t hooked me back in 2007, maybe I never get into Bleach and never enjoy all those great moments over the years. But since you did, now I can look back at Bleach with fond memories. And I can celebrate IchiHime which is CANON and can never be taken away from me. Happy birthday, and enjoy a long, happy life with the love of your life, Ichigo Kurosaki.

[ichinoue]

ah yes, tell us more about how Orihime “deserved better” because she ended up happily married to the man she loves, who would die protecting her, rather than the espada who threatened to strap her down and force food down her throat

[crazypackersfan]

UlquiHime makes me vomit.

[crazypackersfan]

“Life is Like a Boat” by Rie fu

...was a RenRuki song all along. “Nobody knows who I really am, maybe they just don’t give a damn” describes the attitude of IchiRuki shippers so perfectly; you can hear Rukia’s disgust at the IchiRuki shippers in Rie fu’s voice. "I want you know who I really am, I never thought I’d feel this way toward you” fits so well in Rukia’s relationship with Renji. This song is the perfect RenRuki song. It needs to be their anthem.

[crazypackersfan]

Chapter 4 of my fanfic

More from the Rio Olympic Games, with IchiHime & RenRuki! This time they watch tennis... what could go wrong?

[crazypackersfan]

A serious post about my OCD

I don’t know where to put this so I figured I’d write it here. Anyway, I suffer from obsessive-compulsive disorder. No, it’s not having to be clean or having to have stuff in order. Those are the stereotypes, which aren’t very accurate. OCD for me personally is akin to having a demon torturing me 24/7. Maybe you don’t believe in demons or supernatural forces, but that’s the best way I can describe it. My OCD is threefold. The first part of it is the 24/7/365 necessity to be writing letters and numbers with my fingers. I have no way of stopping it.

The second is temporary stuff - for example, temporary guilt, temporary rituals, whatever may come to my mind on a whim. I might see something on TV that triggers something and it takes me hours to get over it.

The third is the worst - I can only describe it as “chains.” Some “big” OCD problem burbles up in my head - usually guilt, sometimes a bizarre ritual related to guilt - and no matter how hard I try, it won’t go away. Sometimes I have to do embarrassing rituals in front of other people in the vain hope it will go away. This is akin to having balls and chains tied to my mind.

All this is to say that OCD is not a joke. It’s a pretty serious problem. I consider myself lucky that it hasn’t caused me to harm myself, but to anyone out there who struggles with it - I feel your pain, and I hope that someday a cure is found for this debilitating disease.

[crazypackersfan]

It’s 1:44 am...

...and IchiHime is still canon. Party on, folks.

[crazypackersfan]

Still learning Tumblr...

While I’ve been a member here for a long time, I haven’t used it all that often. So I’m a little confused on how to reply to specific comments. Do you have to reblog the entire post just to reply to one person? That seems a bit intrusive. Oh well, I’m still ready to continue fighting the good fight for IchiHime (and RenRuki).