Watching You @creepylurker - Tumblr Blog

he was in the fridge!!!

ovbiously this person has done so much research and cares about their tortoise so much but…. the mf idea of having a live tortoise in a TUPPERWARE?! IN MY FRIDGE?? WITH ME FOOD? ahahahaha

rattle-my-stars

the concept of opening someone else’s fridge only to find a WHOLE ASS TORTOISE in there… idk if I’d ever recover

blog-carmex

@esperantoauthor when the food doesn’t come to Tesla, Tesla comes to the food

esperantoauthor

Reminds me of when I accidentally stumbled across this photo for the first time…

marraphy

mutuals put me in your fridge

gallusrostromegalus

Back in 2015, I went over to a classmate’s house for group project work late in the fall, and in the middle of working on the presentation, offered to grab sodas for people but they were out of pepsi and Andrew whose house we were at said “Oh, there’s more in the basement fridge.”

So I go down to the basement, which is well-lit and finished and indeed there are more pepsi but also in the fridge is a massive tortise. This animal was the dimensions of a desktop computer and probably outweighed a labrador. It’s not moving, and is set in the middle of a plastic tray so it’s apparently supposed to be there. I go back upstairs.

“Hey Andrew.” I say, nonchalantly. “So is the tortise in the fridge down there for soup or what?”

“The what?” says the other member of the group project. I don’t remember her name, just that she always wore her hair in pigtails with butterfly clips that were based on real butterflies and she had at least a dozen species.

“Oh! No, that’s Andrew Too.” he says. “His species hibernates so he stays in the fridge for the holidays.”

“You named your tortise after you?” I ask.

“No, uh- Well, my grandfather got him in Egypt or somewhere while he was on leave during the war and He was named Andrew, so he thought it would be funny to name him ‘Andrew Too’. …Then Mom named me after him so Gandpa left me Andrew Too in his will. He’s pretty cool when he’s awake. Lets us dress him up for summer holidays, doesn’t bark.”

“Oh!” Said Butterflies. “My dad served in the Gulf War too! What unit was he in?”

“Oh no, Grandpa was with the Royal Air Force in World War Two. Andrew Too is going to be 70 this year! We’re going to make him a carrot cake!”

captain-snark

“is that for soup?”

“No, that’s my uncle”

redcurlzbychoice

Tortoise friends are a special set of pet lovers with a huge amount of long-term commitment. “When did you get your pet?” “Well, actually it’s a family heirloom, and it doesn’t bark.”

blackarachnya

everyone go watch the resident evil trailer right now you cannot possibly fucking predict what song is in it

blackarachnya

theresagooseinthemainframe

Fucking iconic. It would also allow suing rapists and domestic abusers with awards starting from 10,000, where if the case is won, half the money goes into a fund for women seeking abortions in other states. It’s modelled exactly from Texas’s unconstitutional bullshit bill. Anyone who opposes the constitutionality of this bill would also be calling into question the anti-abortion bill.

Link here.

fluffle-talk

ultimatebottom69

FINALLY SOME GOOD FUCKING NEWS

skelavender

and the best part?

replicated-archive

i think i would rather encounter multiple women who take astrology too seriously over even one guy who genuinely believes in sigma/alpha/beta male bullshit

sarahtheferret

women who take astrology too seriously: hey bestie i made u a star chart

men who believe the s/a/b male bullshit: women should be enslaved

twitterlols

slushyseals

Georgia Aquarium

Wow, sea lion Neptune can really dance.

apardonablemonomania-deactivate

keeeekachu-deactivated20230105

i’m so fucking pessimistic and depressing. everyone so joyful and happy for this sea lion and all i fucking see is animal abuse, captivity, and this poor animal performing for “treats”

i need a therapist 😔

xenondrifting

no, you need reeducation as to WHY zoos are brilliant and why they teach animals to preform “tricks”. this is not animal abuse.

you yourself should make the effort to learn something instead of assuming the worst, but training these animals accomplishes two things:

-entertainment FOR the animal! its playing, its excersising, its healthy and active, the sealion is playing with the keeper in a way that benefits it. the keeper herself is NOT making contact with the animal, shes respecting its space.

-the keeper can check the animals physical health. those tricks? you can see the flexibility in the sealions tail, its ballance when standing, the strength of its movements. chances are there are other keepers watching and checking for scratches or injuries that might have occured if this sealion shares an enclosure.

zoos are good, this video is cute. dont be a fucking downer and do some research

allthatoldstuff-deactivated2022

TEACH PEOPLE THE WORD “ENRICHMENT”!

astraldemise

when i die i want to be a goat when i come back i want to look like some wouldst thou like to live deliciously bitch i want some cunt driving by my field to see me and think to themselves that thats a bad omen right there

astraldemise

why am i not this

astraldemise

i need to hide my phone after taking my sleeping pills otherwise i start posting about wanting to look like baphomet or some shit

leforetenchante

The ghost bed that was sailing in a fountain Part of the FIAC - installation by Vincent Olinet in the Tuileries, Paris.

Via: Pierre on Flickr

historieofbeafts

I know I make fun of Pliny the Elder a lot, but I genuinely can’t stop thinking about this approach to taxonomy:

[There is a fish called the tursio, which bears a strong resemblance to the dolphin; it differs from it, however, in a certain air of sadness, and is wanting in its peculiar vivacity.]

Like, imagine someone describing an animal to you, but the only information they’ll provide is that it’s sort of like another animal, but much much sadder.

hornypineapple

okay so apparently the word “Tursio” is what people in Pliny’s time called the porpoise. for reference, here is a dolphin:

and here is a porpoise:

anyways long story short Pliny was entirely correct stop bullying him

what-even-is-thiss

Fairy: Hey I didn’t get your name.

Me: Yeah that was on purpose.

Fairy: Oh my god stealing people’s names has been categorized as a war crime for like a hundred years. Do I seem like the kind of fairy that would do war crimes?

Me: Well yes, but that’s just my impression of you personally. Not fairies in general.

Fairy: You’re smarter than I thought.

what-even-is-thiss

Me: So is the fairy monarch democratically elected?

Fairy: I think the one from a small corner of Alabama might be but for the most part, no. It’s still decided by a contest between the three oldest children.

Me: What kind of competition?

Fairy: Well it used to be to the death but that was too violent so these days each kingdom comes up with their own. In mine I think they play marbles but I’ve never seen one.

what-even-is-thiss

Me: Okay so why shouldn’t I say thank you or give gifts in return for favors?

Fairy: That’s mostly a regional thing but where I’m from it’s insulting to the wealth of the person giving you stuff. Like you really only thank people when what they did was like a huge burden so if you thank someone for giving you something that’s like calling them poor.

Me: Fairies have wealth inequality?

Fairy: I mean we technically still live under a feudal system if I’m being honest but with modern technology and ethics nobody notices.

Me: Do you have Internet down there?

Fairy: Only dial-up. That’s why I come to your house.

what-even-is-thiss

Fairy: So you’re telling me that human men don’t think that frog eyes are sexy?

Me: Well not most of them to my knowledge.

Fairy: So I bought these contacts for nothing.

Me: Hey man you don’t have to be a frog spirit to lure men into your clutches. Plenty of dudes are into cat eyes and ghoulish moaning.

Fairy: You really think so?

Me: I know so! Stop doubting yourself so much. You can definitely find some mortal men to lure into the timeless void for several centuries and adopt a demon cat with you.

Fairy: Thanks, man. That means a lot.

what-even-is-thiss

Fairy: So humans... don’t eat glass?

Me: No? It’ll cut up our insides and kill us.

Fairy: Ooohhhh. Oh no.

Me: What did you do now?

Fairy: More like... what I’ve done over the past three centuries since I moved out of my mom’s house.

Me: Did the coughing up of blood not cue you into anything?!?!!

Fairy: I thought that humans just spontaneously die sometimes!

Me: No we don’t! There’s physical reasons for these things!

Fairy: So... no more bringing nightshade and glass entrees to the potluck?

Me: No!

what-even-is-thiss

Me: So why mushrooms as portals?

Fairies: Look man, even we don’t mess with mushrooms alright? Sometimes they open up a portal to the human world and it’s just best to not question it.

Me: So wait. You don’t make the fairy circles?

Fairy: No. Mushrooms decide.